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27 Apr 16, 07:39 AM |
#1
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Very Serious Dibber
Join Date: Aug 12
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Am I selfish?
I'm feeling so bad at the moment and just need some reassurance I guess...
I adore my grandchildren - they're my world. I have the youngest twice a week while my daughter works and did the same before the eldest went to school (I have gone part time to help her out with childcare). I also have them at the drop of a hat at weekends, sometimes overnight - they have their own room here. I run the eldest to her club once a week and hang around until it finishes... Anyway, DH and I go away on holiday in the early hours of Friday morning; need to leave home at 1am. I was due to have little one today but she has had a really nasty tummy bug yesterday, both ends. I told DD last night that I was really worried about having her today in case I caught the bug from her. The thought of having all that on a 4 hour flight, queuing for toilets, spreading germs filled me with horror! I'd have taken the gamble if I hadn't been going away. The response I got was just "Right, ok..." It obviously wasn't alright at all. I text her last night to apologise again and got no response. I'm feeling really, really guilty! Am I being selfish? |
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27 Apr 16, 07:43 AM |
#2
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Imagineer
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Nope, not being selfish and nor should you feel guilty. Your daughter is extremely fortunate to be able to rely on you to the extent she does, many parents have no much support network - so forget about it and let her suck it up. No more of this apologising lark either, you've said it once, and it wasn't strictly necessary then.
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27 Apr 16, 07:44 AM |
#3
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Apprentice Imagineer
Join Date: Jul 15
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No your not being selfish, as a dad, if my little one had that I would not expect anybody to look after him other than me or DW, yes I work and she will probably go back to work in the future but one of us would have to take a couple of days off with him, it's not fair other people to look after them when they have that nasty bug especially if you going on holiday in a few days.
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27 Apr 16, 07:46 AM |
#4
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Imagineer
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No you're not selfish, your daughter is. If my child is ill I stay home and miss work, that's how it works. I have also had my niece while my sister works, as has our mum but again if she was ill with something contagious then my sister stayed home.
I think your daughter is being selfish and very childish by not replying when you help her out so much |
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27 Apr 16, 07:47 AM |
#5
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Imagineer
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Definitely not when I worked and James was with my MIL if he was ill he didn't leave the house she had children too so it's not fair on them or her x
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27 Apr 16, 07:48 AM |
#6
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Apprentice Imagineer
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No you definitely aren't being selfish.
Your DD is obviously being at the least a bit tactless in how she spoke to you. I think maybe though she was already planning what she needed to do as a result of what you said and so didn't concentrate on answering you properly. Not answering your text is frankly a bit rude - but I suppose there is an outside chance that she didn't receive it? I sometimes don't get OHs texts and even iMessages that my dad say are shown as delivered on his phone. If this is normal for your DD then maybe mention to her that you were hurt, but otherwise I wouldn't waste any more time worrying - if your grand daughter has a nasty bug your DD may be distracted with that. |
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27 Apr 16, 07:48 AM |
#7
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Imagineer
Join Date: Apr 09
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No ! She is being selfish for expecting you to ! My DS used to be like that with my parents (not me) and it drove me mad! My mum would invariably end up with the bug. From their experience, it seems to take 48 hours for the but to take hold and so that would be when you are travelling. Not only would it be unpleasant for you, it could easily pass to anyone else on the plane, ruin the holiday, or seriously impact on their health if the are immunocompromised.
Ps - I do have kids, and I work, so I know how tricky it can be, but people should keep their bugs to themselves ! |
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27 Apr 16, 07:48 AM |
#8
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Imagineer
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Not selfish no... but can understand both sides...
You sound like a wonderful parent/grandparent - probably too wonderful - she has come to rely on you. You are always there, and in her eyes, now not only away on holiday, but adding to her time off angst by not doing what you always do before the holiday too. She does not realise - yet - just how fortunate she is. I would do exactly the same in your position - who needs a bug when they can avoid it before going away. |
27 Apr 16, 07:50 AM |
#9
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Imagineer
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I dont think it's selfish. If he was in a private nursery or childminder he'd not be allowed in for 48 hours, so there should be no difference, whether you're on holiday soon or not.
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27 Apr 16, 07:53 AM |
#10
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All round good bloke
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Boring I know but add my vote to the "you're not selfish" collection.
As a slightly different issue my wife and I both work but we have a rule that we never expect my wife's mother, who is retired and widowed, to look after our DS11 on a regular basis. If there is an emergency that is different. So I agree with others who say your DD should be grateful for what she has rather than (apparently) not being happy because you feel it inadvisable to have the child on this one day. I hope there is some form of communication before you go away so they this isn't on your mind during your break. |
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