So I told my girlfriend

[cartoonp]

People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.” – Victoria Wood

[captain-codeye]

[cartoonp]

Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in france? :/

Nothing left but d'brie

[cartoonp]

What do you get if you cross a meal, a French town, a cold box, some stretchy material and some literature on hot continental cuisine? Supper. Calais. Fridge. Elastic. Spicy Spanish Brochures.

[cartoonp]

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

[cartoonp]

What is every Californian’s favorite part about the winter? Watching all of the bad weather on TV.

[captain-codeye]

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

[cartoonp]

As it been snowing

What did the icy road say to the car?
Want to go for a spin?

What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.

What does a gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!

[cartoonp]

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

[Mr Tom Morrow]

"Daddy, where did I come from?" seven-year-old Mary asks.

It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared. They take her into the living room, get out several books and explain all they think she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction.

Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" Mum asks.

"Not really," the little girl says. "Elizabeth said she came from Bristol. I want to know where I came from."