Is it wrong to be 'average'?

[whlparkstone]

Not quite sure the title isn't the correct way to word it, but hopefully after reading you will understand.

I feel awful for writing this, but I feel like I could benefit sharing, just to get this off of my chest.

I have one son, just coming to the end of year 5. He is adorable. Every teacher has loved teaching him, he keeps his head down, does exactly what he is told and I believe is well respected within the school.

We had his school report home yesterday and he has securely met the standard for which is expected for his age group. Writing and mathematics are his stronger subjects. I am very proud.

What is putting a damp cloud over me today is the competitiveness within the school (mostly the parents) regarding the results. Many children achieved better marks and are achieving results that exceed the expected levels. Some of which will now apply for grammar etc. After walking away from the school this morning and listening to a couple of parents talking about the grades achieved I am a little disappointed that it is seen as a competition.

What's wrong with achieving what is expected? I want to feel proud of what my son has achieved, not deflated because he isn't 'top of the class'. It's almost like I have failed him because I haven't made him sit and the dinner table each evening and do extra work to support his school work.

I am sure some of you will read this and think I am crazy, but I am sure there are many that can relate.

[Posiesmum]

This is a bit like the ‘why do people criticise my Florida holiday’ threads.
I never compared our daughter to others, I just don’t care what others do. Just celebrate your lovely son and his great work, he sounds great and a credit to you. You see this ‘stealth boasting’ everywhere. The others and their comments don’t matter!

[Megandllsmum]

I think you'll always get parents being competitive about how their kids have done in exams, there's a big difference between proud and competitive I've seen it on many occasions over the years. My youngest has just finished year 6 and is on transition at comp this week and next, she also got her report yesterday from her old school and also her year 6 SATs results... I am beyond proud of her, she has done her best which is all I ever ask of her, my phone and social media was electric last night though with other parents messaging to see her results.
Kids learn at different speeds and will be better at some subjects than others, my daughter has autism her academic scores are very good, her practical lesson scores and writeups not the best but the thing is she does her best and that's good enough for me x

[Mrs-Weasley]

Whats 'average'? Your son could be so much better than those kids at drawing or being polite or cooking, your son is who he is and I'm guessing to you thats perfect, numbers or letters on a sheet of paper dont decide who your son is, what he does will decide that.

Ignore other parents and just (as I'm sure you are) be proud of him.

[scojos]

Ignore them. Half of them are lying about achievements anyway...
Your son is special. He is kind polite etc.
He may play sports do drama etc. Everyone is not going to be the next einstein thank god!
My eldest is a straight a student (3rd yr undregrad now still grade a s lol) he has NO common sense lol.
No2 son is a restaurant manager in a huge pub and works v long hours.
They re chalk and cheese but achieving in their chosen choices...

Let him be him not a cookie cutter kid x

[Mr Tom Morrow]

OP. My Daughter is in her 30's and has 2 children in school, one in the infants and one in the juniors.

She wont get involved with any Parents. Drops the children off and heads to work. No conversation at all as she cannot be bothered with the gossip, the competition ref dress standards and the competitiveness over a host of other issues.

When our two were in school we encouraged them, we ensured they had the items they needed such as books and instruments. We also got a tutor in twice when Maths became a problem. That was it.

Never did we pressure them to achieve more due to my experience as a child.

My Parents for at least 10 years kept the pressure on and always compared me to my very very intelligent Sister. What happened?
I rebelled, stopped going to school and at 15 was told by the said School not to go back!

It sounds to me that your Son has achieved well and all of you are pleased with his results. Well done, ignore the rest.

[whlparkstone]

Thanks so much for the comments. It's amazing how writing things down can clarify things in your own mind. Your comments have made me realise that the only person my son needs to compete against is himself... by learning from mistakes and growing as a person.

This thread has also made me think about how achieving in life isn't just about results on a piece of paper.

[Twin mummy]

Nothing wrong with average at all, or below average or above average.
I’m very proud of my average daughters because they try their best and make the most of what they have. All I ask is that they try.

Don’t let others put a dampener on what your son has achieved. Be proud. It’s insecurity amongst other parents forever turning it into a competition, I feel sorry for their children and the pressure they are put under.

[vickyventurini]

Ignore them , don’t get sucked in ! this used to be a huge cause of stress for me and then I realized my son is polite, kind , looked to as a pleasant gentle person by his other classmates and a good conversationalist , while the main source of my stress had a bully who loved telling on the other kids but would frequently pinch and trip them up on the sly and, it emerged, was being made do all the possible 4 tests on each chapter (mother had got the test sheets for curriculum) over and over the week before they were tested (no wonder she got 9s and 10s)

[scojos]

Can i just add a ps.
Im a child of 1 of those pushy moms so i never did it with my kids.

I have a masters degree.

My brother has a PHD im the stupid child.
I kid you not...

Never be the pushy parent xx