Parents going into care - considerations

[Talland 2016]

A lot of GP surgeries have care advisors attached to the surgery who can help advise on local council guidelines as well
They may be able to give telephone advice as well

[KarenG]

Originally Posted by FamilyGWales

The rules on charging vary by country and potentially then varied by rate by local authority so one size may not fit all. Which country do your in laws live in Karen?

Have a look at age concern. They have good info sheets on financial assessment and charging.

The assessment of care is critical and the extent to which your mum needs nursing support rather than care. One falls within NHS and the other to Local Authorities. There is a big difference in next steps.

It's a hard stage of life and a hard decision to help make for people you love. But it's also a horrible disease, for the individual and the family. Dementia UK has some specific advice worth reading too.

Best wishes to you all. I am not there yet but it's a journey I will travel in the next few years 😢 so I am starting to dig around and learn now.

Thanks to CFB and his dad for his frank and open post.

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Devon

I had tried Age Concern but ended up even more confused!

She definitely needs a place catering for those with advanced dementia.

We knew it would come eventually but COVID has massively sped things up unfortunately (for both of them). It has been extremely difficult (to say the least) to get both in a place where they agree this needs to happen. Not that MIL really understands but FIL keeps hiding behind her IYKWIM.

Very best wishes to you on your journey and I hope its as good as it can be xxx

[KarenG]

Originally Posted by Talland 2016

A lot of GP surgeries have care advisors attached to the surgery who can help advise on local council guidelines as well
They may be able to give telephone advice as well

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Thanks and hope you’re well I’ve got Dopey 2015 memories coming up today!


We spoke at length to the GP a couple of weeks ago who was super but told us to get onto Social Services ASAP, nothing over and above that though?

[amy56]

Hi Karen ❤️

I’ve just tried to pm you but I think your inbox is full xx

[dizzymcfarlane]

Having just been thru this process in Scotland , it’s a complete minefield. We were not allowed to visit any of the homes and could only view them on their websites ! We had one computer on the website and the other open on the care commission website trying to compare and made the best choice for a now bedridden 93 yr old with advanced vascular dementia. We were forced into making a choice as social work said they would just pick one if we didn’t and that my fil was being discharged by the end of the week. We chose one but as the weeks have passed various issues have come to light which we would have known about if visits had been permitted.

[Feebee2]

My mother is going into residential care tomorrow, subject to her covid test being negative.
I only put it to her that this was the way forward last Monday.
There is only one care home in town and she knows some of the residents and staff.
Her room is a garden room so we could have a look from outside.
I'm heartbroken I can't look after her but she looks more and more neglected. She is 6 feet tall and weighs 7.5 stone, I can't give her the care she needs.
The home have recommended we get POA for finance and health.
It has been so easy there must be something we've missed.
Her costs which she is funding are £800 per week, we thought it would be more.

Edited to add I did read the CQC report which was good!

[KarenG]

Originally Posted by amy56

Hi Karen ❤️

I’ve just tried to pm you but I think your inbox is full xx

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Oops! It isn’t now!

Originally Posted by dizzymcfarlane

Having just been thru this process in Scotland , it’s a complete minefield. We were not allowed to visit any of the homes and could only view them on their websites ! We had one computer on the website and the other open on the care commission website trying to compare and made the best choice for a now bedridden 93 yr old with advanced vascular dementia. We were forced into making a choice as social work said they would just pick one if we didn’t and that my fil was being discharged by the end of the week. We chose one but as the weeks have passed various issues have come to light which we would have known about if visits had been permitted.

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Covid seems to have made already difficult decisions even harder. I hope you can get things sorted out!

Originally Posted by Feebee2

My mother is going into residential care tomorrow, subject to her covid test being negative.
I only put it to her that this was the way forward last Monday.
There is only one care home in town and she knows some of the residents and staff.
Her room is a garden room so we could have a look from outside.
I'm heartbroken I can't look after her but she looks more and more neglected. She is 6 feet tall and weighs 7.5 stone, I can't give her the care she needs.
The home have recommended we get POA for finance and health.
It has been so easy there must be something we've missed.
Her costs which she is funding are £800 per week, we thought it would be more.

Edited to add I did read the CQC report which was good!

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That was very quick and gives me some hope. I hope it will be as easy for us. Yes my in laws look awful as they won’t eat (Or do much at all) properly despite us trying everything we can to encourage it.

[Tweety1]

Originally Posted by cornishfrogboy

That is not how it was explained to me by the Council assessor. He could not even look at it whilst my Dad was resident.
This was borne out by the fact that in the final figures presented, having taken over the finance in November 2019 and Mum passing in March 2020, there was no further monetary requirement from them. They paid up with the Care Home and Mums money remained in the family. The Funeral and other expenses were deducted and the remainder split.

I would suggest a chat with Citizens advice.. or your Council depmnt responsible would allay your fears and remove me from having given legal advice on which you acted...

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My FIL has passed away a few years ago so it’s not applicable now but I always wondered what would have happened if he didn’t have the pension he did. It really makes you think about your own finances doesn’t it

[ginwithaslice]

Remember the word '"care" which is so often overlooked. My mum went into residential care when she developed vascular dementia and her home care package wasnt enough. She absolutely loved it, and her eating and well being really improved. It definitely added another year of good quality life at the end. The care she had was amazing.
When she suffered a massive stroke and had to move to a nursing facility we were lucky again with a great place and she died after only two weeks there but the staff were incredible.
If you can, speak to someone who has had family members there to see how happy they are with the place. The Alzeimhers Society were also very helpful to us and had a family support group for advice.

[meboo]

As far as not having power of attorney : it would have been easier if we had, since we would have been able to make all decisions. However it wasn’t too problematic. We needed to get social services involved and they had to do a ‘DoLS’ (deprevation of Liberty assessment ) do ensure that she did not have capacity: after they were satisfied she didn’t have capacity they worked with us and allowed us to choose a home but they had to approve it (even though we were privately paying). They had to ensure it really was in my relative’s best interests. Interestingly we had the complete opposite experience of CFB. Our local authority cap what they will pay at to quite a low level - at the time £480 per week. So all LA residents paid that and we paid £1100 for the same place. It certainly seems to be a bit of a regional lottery