Daughter accused of being a boy in public toilet

[babbymint]

Originally Posted by levtweeney

Oh I would not like that at all

My daughter worked in a nightclub in Manchester and they had mixed gender toilets. The trouble they had when people were drunk with banging on doors, arguing about ladies first etc etc they ended up having to put a bouncer on the toilet

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Why? It’s all cubicles.
The students toilets are patrolled (teacher not bouncer!) but it works well.

[loopyloo33]

Originally Posted by Irishlass

It always amazes me how because some of us don't follow the same opinions and dare to speak our own personal opinions we are described as bullies, Nasty, too old... or whatever else.
I'm none of the above or whatever other negative things people want to call me... I'm just as "entitled" to my own feelings and opinions as anyone else.
Personally I don't think I'm entitled to anything or have the right to do anything. I didn't come into the world with any rights etc, and I'll leave this world without them...but I certainly don't feel the need to force people to change their beliefs, their opinions, or their way of living.. I don't agree with many things in this world, even on here there are certain things that are posted/certain posters who people think are hilarious, but I think are boring/offensive sometimes downright nasty and bullyish... then there are people or topics that I think are funny, friendly and more than helpful buy others can't stand them. But I don't force those people to change their minds or try to put down or attempt to shame/embarass them.

It's the way of the world whether we like it or not, we would live in a very boring world if we all thought and agreed on anything, but that certainly doesn't give anyone permission to be so dismissive or nasty towards someone else.
And I certainly wouldn't be teaching or encouraging my children to be disrespectful or rude to their elders... they're taught to rise above it and ignore those ignorant people. If I found out my children were nasty to strangers and they were elderly... or any age in fact. They wouldn't be crossing the door for a long time.

As for leaving children in a busy street etc... I wouldn't do that either, however I would ensure that I went to the bathroom before leaving the house just like any other time I do so, and if I needed to go while out in public, I would hold it in until I found a convenient safe place to go where the children would be safe. But then again my children are well aware about staying safe, stranger danger and how to keep themselves safe and what to do if they don't feel safe.
And I stand by my opinion that children shouldn't be in certain gender bathrooms...
If they have single sex bathrooms I'm schools etc then there's a reason for it. I would never want my daughter standing in a male bathroom and my sons wouldn't be in a female bathroom... in my opinion it's not right, and if they were even to mention it in schools... and they could no matter perfect they are, then it may raise child protection questions also.

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I left home at 730am yesterday and got back at 9pm, how do you suggest my bladder holds that long? I'm 42 years of age and have had a child, I would be lucky to hold it 10 mins!

I never once said I would encourage my daughter to be rude to an adult because like you I believe children should show respect, however, respect should be earned and 2 adult women being verbally aggressive to a 13 year old child is not showing any form of respect and if they had a problem they should have spoken to me and I would have put them right in a polite but firm way.

The purpose of my post was more around people assuming someone's gender by the way they look, dress and act. Just because she's not standing in a pink frilly dress with bows in her hair the assumption straight away is she's a boy and whatever way you look at it and whether you are young or old and this is not right.

[loopyloo33]

Originally Posted by KarenG

Sorry for getting her age wrong, but it’s still awful whether she was 10 or 13

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No problem 😊

[princess allie]

Such a shame for your daughter op. I have no issue at all about any child of any age being in either male or female bathrooms. We are quite prudish as a nation really, I think. When I was 14 I went to France with the school on holiday and we went in to a little cafe, I needed the loo, popped in and it was for both sexes. I walked out again quickly, but was told, that’s how it is in France. There were men using the urinal, I didn’t look their way and waited for the cubicle, no problems at all. I certainly can’t see any issue in a teenage boy being in a ladies loo, as there are cubicles, so really, what’s to see? DS school also has mixed loos and I have no problem with it, they even have one set which are “open” so you can see the cubicles from the corridor, again used by all with no problems, as it should be. Why do some people think it’s ok to comment on things which are not their business? I’m 54 and I’ll use a men’s loo if it’s empty and the ladies are queued out the door.

[nolypops83]

Originally Posted by lizzie145

slightly off topic but the toilets at Gatwick have the sink in the cubicle so would be perfect for gender neutral toilets.
after all we share a bathroom at home with the opposite sex

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This is what we have at work and it’s great. 6 or so cubicles with lockable doors, washbasin and dryer in the cubicle.

[Jakey Neverland]

Not accused but my DD shaved pretty much all her hair off when she was 9. People mainly children used to literally stare at her. She wasn't bothered though as I think she secretly liked them wondering what sex she was. Both my middle girls are tomboy, one owns no female clothes at all but never been challenged in toilets.

I think it's super disrespectful but then I think people seem to be at their worst when it comes to toilets.

[Emmie2016]

Originally Posted by Irishlass

It always amazes me how because some of us don't follow the same opinions and dare to speak our own personal opinions we are described as bullies, Nasty, too old... or whatever else.
I'm none of the above or whatever other negative things people want to call me... I'm just as "entitled" to my own feelings and opinions as anyone else.
Personally I don't think I'm entitled to anything or have the right to do anything. I didn't come into the world with any rights etc, and I'll leave this world without them...but I certainly don't feel the need to force people to change their beliefs, their opinions, or their way of living.. I don't agree with many things in this world, even on here there are certain things that are posted/certain posters who people think are hilarious, but I think are boring/offensive sometimes downright nasty and bullyish... then there are people or topics that I think are funny, friendly and more than helpful buy others can't stand them. But I don't force those people to change their minds or try to put down or attempt to shame/embarass them.

It's the way of the world whether we like it or not, we would live in a very boring world if we all thought and agreed on anything, but that certainly doesn't give anyone permission to be so dismissive or nasty towards someone else.
And I certainly wouldn't be teaching or encouraging my children to be disrespectful or rude to their elders... they're taught to rise above it and ignore those ignorant people. If I found out my children were nasty to strangers and they were elderly... or any age in fact. They wouldn't be crossing the door for a long time.

As for leaving children in a busy street etc... I wouldn't do that either, however I would ensure that I went to the bathroom before leaving the house just like any other time I do so, and if I needed to go while out in public, I would hold it in until I found a convenient safe place to go where the children would be safe. But then again my children are well aware about staying safe, stranger danger and how to keep themselves safe and what to do if they don't feel safe.
And I stand by my opinion that children shouldn't be in certain gender bathrooms...
If they have single sex bathrooms I'm schools etc then there's a reason for it. I would never want my daughter standing in a male bathroom and my sons wouldn't be in a female bathroom... in my opinion it's not right, and if they were even to mention it in schools... and they could no matter perfect they are, then it may raise child protection questions also.

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Actually alot of schools now have mixed toilets. The secondary school here does.

[Jakey Neverland]

Originally Posted by princess allie

Such a shame for your daughter op. I have no issue at all about any child of any age being in either male or female bathrooms. We are quite prudish as a nation really, I think. When I was 14 I went to France with the school on holiday and we went in to a little cafe, I needed the loo, popped in and it was for both sexes. I walked out again quickly, but was told, that’s how it is in France. There were men using the urinal, I didn’t look their way and waited for the cubicle, no problems at all.

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When I went to Brussels it was quite an eye opener as they have urinals just out on the street. Totally normal to them but was quite a surprise to me 😆

[daytonababe]

Originally Posted by Irishlass

It always amazes me how because some of us don't follow the same opinions and dare to speak our own personal opinions we are described as bullies, Nasty, too old... or whatever else.
I'm none of the above or whatever other negative things people want to call me... I'm just as "entitled" to my own feelings and opinions as anyone else.
Personally I don't think I'm entitled to anything or have the right to do anything. I didn't come into the world with any rights etc, and I'll leave this world without them...but I certainly don't feel the need to force people to change their beliefs, their opinions, or their way of living.. I don't agree with many things in this world, even on here there are certain things that are posted/certain posters who people think are hilarious, but I think are boring/offensive sometimes downright nasty and bullyish... then there are people or topics that I think are funny, friendly and more than helpful buy others can't stand them. But I don't force those people to change their minds or try to put down or attempt to shame/embarass them.

It's the way of the world whether we like it or not, we would live in a very boring world if we all thought and agreed on anything, but that certainly doesn't give anyone permission to be so dismissive or nasty towards someone else.
And I certainly wouldn't be teaching or encouraging my children to be disrespectful or rude to their elders... they're taught to rise above it and ignore those ignorant people. If I found out my children were nasty to strangers and they were elderly... or any age in fact. They wouldn't be crossing the door for a long time.

As for leaving children in a busy street etc... I wouldn't do that either, however I would ensure that I went to the bathroom before leaving the house just like any other time I do so, and if I needed to go while out in public, I would hold it in until I found a convenient safe place to go where the children would be safe. But then again my children are well aware about staying safe, stranger danger and how to keep themselves safe and what to do if they don't feel safe.
And I stand by my opinion that children shouldn't be in certain gender bathrooms...
If they have single sex bathrooms I'm schools etc then there's a reason for it. I would never want my daughter standing in a male bathroom and my sons wouldn't be in a female bathroom... in my opinion it's not right, and if they were even to mention it in schools... and they could no matter perfect they are, then it may raise child protection questions also.

See more...

And what about those that cant hold it in till they get somewhere more convenient ?

And yes its great your children have been taught about stranger danger , and keeping themselves safe as are most children , Unfortunately that’s not always enough to keep a child safe .


What’s my husband supposed to do if he’s out with our granddaughter’s on his own ?

Doesn’t bother me in the slights if a boy is in the female toilets waiting for whoever he’s with.
Same for a girl in the mens..
Child safety is the important thing .

[Irishlass]

Originally Posted by babbymint

I work in a large secondary school in which both student and staff toilets are mixed gender…

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Nope Im afraid I wouldn't be working there. I work in a school and it's all single sex toilets for staff and children. And if I knew this were the case in a school I would be sending my children to, I'm afraid they wouldn't be attending.

If its law that brothers and sisters cannot share a bedroom after a certain age, the they shouldn't be integrating toilets. That's why everyone now demands new houses from councils etc... because their children need separate rooms.

Again. Each to their own, but most definitely not for me or my family.