Eurovision Semi-Final 2 - my review

[Gill H]

And we’re back! After a quick reminder of Tuesday’s events, our hosts return. The guys haven’t even bothered with a costume change, but the dark-haired woman has now changed to a white trouser suit with scarily pointed shoulders, and the blonde one now wears a skimpy black dress covered in red lips. And after some strained repartee we start with…

Armenia
Oh joy, more thigh-high boots. This lady is angry. Maybe the boots are chafing. The song is called ‘Walking Out’ and yes, she closes the song by doing exactly that. But not before some snazzy shattered glass effects on the floor, and tonight’s first example of ‘messing up the big note’ – right on a key change, no less. I’m serious, guys, let’s make this a criterion for instant elimination. It would save so much time.

Ireland
This is so 50s. A blonde girl in red leather singing in a diner about a guy whose house number was 22 – which by a staggering coincidence is the name of the song. Maybe the two girls singing with her are supposed to be the two little ducks. Sadly her vocals are underpowered and the number lacks the essential chirpiness you need for this sort of thing.

Moldova
Two women, one in white who has evidently listened to Celine Dion many, many times. The other in black, who doesn’t even get to sing, but instead produces rather beautiful sand art which is way more interesting than the song.

Switzerland - qualified

Latvia
A wistful folk-tinged ditty from a woman in a long white dress and green hat. Her guitarist’s long curly blonde locks suggest he probably works as a musketeer at weekends. I’m not averse to the folky stuff, but this is just dull, sorry.

Romania
Evidently the Rentaghost reboot is going for a much darker feel. An intense woman in a black skirt suit sits in an armchair in a haunted house, until she is interrupted by two Elizabethan clowns. They prowl around her and for a moment it seems they’re gearing up for the regulation ‘surprise costume change’ but instead they do some handstands for no reason.

[Gill H]

More tortured links from the hosts, and more interviews with our entry, the still overwhelmed Michael Rice, who recounts the ‘posh tea’ he had with Geri Halliwell. Ah, bless. Then we’re promised another look at the ‘Big Five’ but instead we go to…

Denmark - qualified

Sweden - qualified

Austria
A girl in a painfully tight boob tube, who looks as if she’s auditioning for Cabaret. Her wispy voice is no doubt caused by her attire – in fact she even sings at one point about ‘the pressure on my chest’. Somebody get her a nice comfy t-shirt, please! The song’s chorus of ‘you-oo-oo’ unfortunately comes out sounding as if she’s talking about someone called Hugh. Or maybe choux. She could do with a few pastries, poor love.

Croatia
This could be a little glimpse into Scott and Rylan’s favourite club. It opens with a guy lying on the floor in what seems like the pits of hell, until he’s rescued by guys in golden angel wings, and fitted with wings of his own. He can at least sing, and is one of the few to not mess up the high note, but the wings are the stars here.

Malta - qualified

Lithuania
There’s a touch of Leonardo di Caprio about this guy. He sings something about running with the lions, which sounds much more exciting than the song actually is. Nice falsetto, though.

Another ad break, which means more interviews for us. Oh joy. At least we have Mans Zelmerlow from Sweden, who understands the British attitude to Eurovision perfectly. Can we hope for another mickey-take in the final, along the lines of the wonderful spoof number ‘Love Love Peace Peace’ he took part in a few years back?

Russia - qualified

Albania - qualified

Norway - qualified

The Netherlands - qualified

North Macedonia - qualified

Azerbaijan - qualified

[Gill H]

And that’s it, tonight’s last entry. Which means more chat from the hosts, who kick off the voting and then give us a quick recap. And then we get tonight’s interval act. Now this is really something special. Not because all the participants have a disability, but because we finally have some genuine talent on the stage. They perform a heartfelt and beautiful rendition of ‘A Million Dreams’ from the ubiquitous ‘Greatest Showman’ and command the attention of the entire hall without recourse to flashy staging or musical theatrics. Is it too late for the organisers to send Madonna home and book these guys for Saturday instead?

It’s followed by a ‘mentalist’ (aka a ‘mind-reader’) who corrals some of the artists and performs an impressive trick with numbers. And after yet another recap we get a sequel to last year’s spoof documentary where Rylan plays a Eurovision intern. I remember last year’s being a snoozefest, but perhaps the booze has kicked in tonight as there are a few laughs to be had this time. At least it’s better than the interminable interviews which follow it. And now more chat with some of the Big Five, plus a preview of their songs – including ours. And after yet more interviews, at last Jon Ola Sand reprises his ‘who, me?’ face and the hosts announce the qualifiers, who are:

North Macedonia, The Netherlands, Albania, Sweden, Russia, Azerbaijan, Denmark, Norway, Switzerland and Malta.

So, time to put the empty bottles in the recycling and stock up on Israeli snacks for Saturday night. Shalom y’all.

[Gill H]

Bumping for the lovely people who commented on Semi-Final 1...

[clochette]

You almost make me want to watch the final Gill. Almost - but not quite! Now if I was in Amsterdam to watch it...

[LunaNyteskye]

Did you think the singer from Moldova was going to throw up during her song? I have honestly never seen anyone make those faces whilst singing before!

I actually thought semi final 2 was quite dull. I’m looking forward to the final tonight though!