Just need to vent - Kids being mean to other kids!

[DUNXandWILL]

Hey Dibber family,

Just need a wee vent/rant, feeling pretty overwhelmed after both of my kids (DD9 and DS7) having a pretty hard week in school (due to other kids being mean) and topped off with my experience dropping my DS7 at a birthday party 20 minutes ago.

Sorry if I go on like War and Peace but bare with me :-)

So my DD9 has high functioning autism and attends mainstream primary school. Other than us knowing she is diagnosed, nobody outside our family would realise that she has autism but we have always been very open about it and myself and DH have always told her that it's nothing to be ashamed of and to be proud of the kind, caring and creative wee sweetheart that she is. Anyway it turns out that her so called 'bestie' has been going round telling everyone that DD is a "weirdo who nobody will ever love and that she'll never be able to drive a car as people with autism aren't normal enough to drive" my poor DD is (i'd love to say WAS) but she IS totally devastated and broken hearted that someone she trusted has been going round saying these things. I too am devastated, you can do what you want to me but don't hurt my children! My DD's ex-bestie is in the same class as her and is very much street wise in contrast to my innocent and naive daughter and couldn't care less about the hurt she has caused. The school have been good about it but the mum of the ex-bestie not so much, I have approached her and she basically to make a long story short has quoted "not my girl" not casting any stereotypes but the mum is a school teacher herself and i'm not saying that she should have reacted a certain way but I certainly expected more from her, especially seeing as her daughter has already admitted in the school what she has said and how many people she has repeated it too! Our DD is very emotional and through the summer holidays we worked tirelessly on her mental health and building her confidence but now all of that has disappeared and we are beginning from scratch again

This isn't the 1st time our DD has been bullied and I have absolutely no doubts that this will be the last time, all we can do is be there for her.

Now onto DS7 - he's a very intelligent wee man (very proud mum & dad) so much so that we refer to him as 'young Sheldon' (my husband is basically Sheldon from Big Bang Theory but looks like a v handsome Leonard! ) Anyway, I digress... We live in Glasgow and basically if you don't play football or support a team (1 of the big 2) you're not one of the popular kids, not that our DS minds - he couldn't care less! He knows all of the states of America and every capital, can recite nearly every planet in the Solar system and is in the P4 reading group (even though he's only a P3 - composite class)

So today there's a birthday party that DS is invited to, he has 1 football top that his Granda bought him he had no problem wearing it so we arrive at the car park of the ground where the party is and he runs over to his friends - who I see roll their eyes as he bounds up to them - they ask why he's wearing a football top and why does he not have the matching socks/shorts (the 2 mums standing there said nothing) I answered the 2 boys by saying "you are aware that Beckham is still capable of kicking a ball without a full strip on! " sorry I couldn't hold back my sarcasm as I was so angry/hurt on our DS's behalf!) - as I said our DS could not care less and happily trotted into the party behind these 2 but my heart has actually broke and i'm sitting here in tears wondering why my kids just cant be themselves without getting treated like crap and getting judged by others!

I wanted to take my DS home with me and cuddle him all afternoon but I know I have to let him enjoy the party the best he can and hope that he has a fantastic time

Sorry for the vent but i'm just overwhelmed by hurt for our 2 kids, I know kids can be cruel but it's just been an extremely long week for our family and the experience in the car park just broke the camels' back!

We're VERY proud to say that we have been complimented on many an occasion as to our kids kindness and manners but I feel like we've done them a dis-service as this seems to do them no favours! Seems to me that the more feral the kid, the better they get on in life these days!

Anyone have any experience with this? I need to toughen up but just feeling very emotional and my 'Leonard' is not very good with an emotional Dunx

Again apologies for the rant - i'm off to make a cup of tea and relax!

Dunx x

[Emily90]

I can only offer sympathies. I dread my tiny one attending school. However, looking back at my school, all the mean kids, the 'feral' ones ended up doing far less well after school than the nice, kind ones. It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job bringing up your children.

I work in an adolescent eating disorders unit, and nearly every patient has a history of bullying. However, the more resilient ones have several different groups of friends - outside of school as well as inside - so if school friends turn on them they have another social support network.

Hope things get better for them x

[jndt]

My 9 year old ds is autistic too. Boys have also called him weird at school - but it hurt him more from who he thought was his friend. He now has no friends (been like that for about 2 years). I'm not sure how to progress with my own child on the friendship front so I'm of no help.

In regards to your son - I'm sure at 7 years old the boys were just asking him an innocent question, he seemed to take it in good cheer but with all the other things going on with your daughter you probably feel very sensitive to your childrens well being at the moment.

I hope next week is better for you and your daughter.

[DUNXandWILL]

Originally Posted by Emily90

I can only offer sympathies. I dread my tiny one attending school. However, looking back at my school, all the mean kids, the 'feral' ones ended up doing far less well after school than the nice, kind ones. It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job bringing up your children.

I work in an adolescent eating disorders unit, and nearly every patient has a history of bullying. However, the more resilient ones have several different groups of friends - outside of school as well as inside - so if school friends turn on them they have another social support network.

Hope things get better for them x

See more...

Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to reply ❤️

Sounds like you must see a lot in your line of work, that is also another concern of mine... My DD is taller and better built than every single girl in her class and I'm worried about comments getting made to her that might lead to a disorder of some sort but I'm keeping a super close eye on that 👌😉

Fingers, toes and eyes crossed that it's just been a hard week for us all and I'm just feeling a bit sensitive about it all.

Thanks again for responding.

Dunx x

[Mr Tom Morrow]

OP. Not a good week but it will be swings and roundabouts. Children can be little angels and little devils. Normally within the same hour!

My mantra was never to get involved unless it was physical or out and out bullying. Also the what comes around goes around saying is invariably right.

Best of luck you sound great parents.

[duchy]

I do think having a wider social circle than just school is a good one.
When you think about it school is just a random bunch of kids put together whereas friends made through shared interests tend to talk about the shared interest primarily and bond over that.
I was involved with a local youth theatre as a teen . I'm in touch with several friends from that time forty odd years ago still but none of my school friends from that time.
I'd look at outside activities for both of them and broaden and upgrade the "friend pool".

[DUNXandWILL]

Originally Posted by jdndt

My 9 year old ds is autistic too. Boys have also called him weird at school - but it hurt him more from who he thought was his friend. He now has no friends (been like that for about 2 years). I'm not sure how to progress with my own child on the friendship front so I'm of no help.

In regards to your son - I'm sure at 7 years old the boys were just asking him an innocent question, he seemed to take it in good cheer but with all the other things going on with your daughter you probably feel very sensitive to your childrens well being at the moment.

I hope next week is better for you and your daughter.

See more...

Aww bless your DS I know what you mean about it hurting more coming from someone they classed as a friend, makes it more difficult for them to process as our kids would not do this to someone they class as a friend.

You're probably right, I was oversensitive and reactionary with my statement, I'll have to keep my tongue in check next time 😝😜

I've picked my DS from the party, he had a great time and is totally oblivious to my over reaction 🙂

I truly hope things get better for your son ❤️

Thanks for your thoughts and your taking time to respond.

Dunx 😎

[Guest]

OP just wanted to message to send some gentle hugs your way.

With your DD, it can be difficult girls can often be very spiteful when they want to be. You’re doing all the right things by telling her how special, unique and smart she is. A lot of incredibly creative people have an autism spectrum diagnosis, so maybe discuss some of those with your DD (Mozart, Michaelangelo, Einstein).
Does she have any hobbies outside of school where she can meet friends? Brownies, dancing, gymnastics etc? They can help provide an additional support network.

With your DS, the boys probably weren’t being intentionally unkind - they just don’t tend to realise how what they say can come across. I think the fact your son seemed happy enough going to the party suggests it probably isn’t an issue. But make sure he knows he can talk to you if he needs to (as I’m sure he does)

Maybe have a biscuit with the cuppa! Xx

[DUNXandWILL]

Originally Posted by Mr Tom Morrow

OP. Not a good week but it will be swings and roundabouts. Children can be little angels and little devils. Normally within the same hour!

My mantra was never to get involved unless it was physical or out and out bullying. Also the what comes around goes around saying is invariably right.

Best of luck you sound great parents.

See more...

Mr Morrow,

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply, much appreciated 👌

You're very right about the swinging emotions and behaviours, I need to keep my sarcastic tongue under control 🤣

Lesson learnt today about not getting involved (unless physical/bullying) my son bounced out of the party having had THE best time ever!

Thank you for the compliment on our parenting skills, we're trying our best👌

Many thanks again

Dunx

[DUNXandWILL]

Originally Posted by duchy

I do think having a wider social circle than just school is a good one.
When you think about it school is just a random bunch of kids put together whereas friends made through shared interests tend to talk about the shared interest primarily and bond over that.
I was involved with a local youth theatre as a teen . I'm in touch with several friends from that time forty odd years ago still but none of my school friends from that time.
I'd look at outside activities for both of them and broaden and upgrade the "friend pool".

See more...

Duchy,

Thank you for reading and responding ❤️

My DD attends swimming, guitar 🎸 lessons and is toying with the idea of drama club (which I'm very much trying to encourage her to join) as I do think it would greatly improve her confidence, help her make friends and be an outlet for her emotions.

She is extremely creative and we encourage her to express herself to the point that I haven't seen my dining table in months! 😂

That's wonderful that you have those friends after all those years... Gives me hope for her future.

Thanks again Dunx 😍