what to do?where to start help needed

[Floridatilly]

I am assuming there are no dependants living at home?
With an honest heart to heart, not during an argument, is your husband aware of your unhappiness and how his treatment makes you feel?
Does he know just how serious you are about leaving?

Sorry for all the questions but I do think it would be sad to throw 30 years of marriage away without trying every angle (I am not saying you have not already tried loads)
Could you both try marriage counselling?
Maybe try sitting him down or writing a letter to him (if he is not a good listener) and tell him how he has made you feel and that you are going to leave.
Maybe that will give him a kick up the backside and shock him into making an effort.
If not then you know you tried every avenue.
I certainly would seek legal advice asap because you will be entitled to half the assets.
I hope you are ok 💕 take care x

[Daisy_Do_72]

So sorry to hear what your going through.
All good advice so far.
It’s a rough road separation and divorce, but if that’s what you want to do then you have to be brave and strong and do what is best for you.
You’ll get support on here all the way through it.
Good luck x

[FlorayG]

Gosh if it wasn't for the fact that I'm absolutely sure she isn't a Dibber I would suspect you are one of my friends finally making a decision she should have done years ago.
If there are no dependants then you need to just think of yourself. See this as an adventure not a trial and just go. If he really, really repents there's nothing to stop you going back but once you leave you have the upper hand in this.
Certainly speak to the bank about any joint accounts etc. and tell every official body that you are no longer responsible - then pack your bags and go.
Really wishing you the best and that your life from now on gets better and better and well done for being brave

[sam7]

I can't give you any practical advice unfortunately. (hopefully someone will come along that can help) Only that lots of people do live on universal credit without problems. Good luck with whatever you do decide - just remember life is short, do what will make you happy.

[mitch84]

I don’t know the legal side, but could help with budgeting maybe.

Do you drive a car/need a car?

Our bills (for 2 of us in a 2 bed house are)

119 council tax
49.42 elec&gas
22.46 water
11.39 tv license

So say £200 a month

We then pay

36 virgin tv and broadband
9.99 Netflix
10 gifgaff SIM card (each)
9 house and contents insurance

So say £275 and bits of that would go if I was under pressure or would reduce for just the one person in a smaller property maybe.

Would need to look at car/travel expenses, any debt other fixed costs, but I would say it could be done. By meal planning you can eat very cheaply from aldi/Lidl if you have one near you.

I wish you the very best of luck. 4 years ago I was in a position where I needed to leave my partner, but unfortunately I had followed him to Australia. I landed in the Uk with no job, no home, no car, and in absolute pieces. But a friend rented me a room and I got myself back on my feet, you will too

[mitch84]

Also I’m guessing from your post that you don’t work full time? I was just wondering whether there was the option to increase your hours?
Or depending what you do get a second job? Maybe something social of an evening where you could chat to people and therefore not be home lonely.
This may not be possible, just just thinking really

[Bluebell1]

Thanks for your advice it means alot.
At the moment i'm working between 18- 21 hrs plus furlough, my usual hours are 32 a week. I work different shifts mon to friday
Luckily my mum lives in the same town so i could go and stay with her for a few weeks, shes 81.
dh is in denial, he has been nice as pie and even asked me if i wanted to go away in the caravan this weekend. I said no obviously!
this has been going on, on and off for years, but now i feel nothing no emotion for him at all. I know hes going to beg me to stay and turn the tears on and say he will change, but i've heard it all before. I can't do it anymore
Many times he's said really nasty things to me and then deflects everything on to me calling me horrible nasty and controlling!
At the moment we have our youngest daughter at home she is late 20's and is in the middle of doing her post grad dissitation, she is behind me 100%, shes witnessed how he treats me and hasn't spoken to him until recently for 18 months.
I'm going to phone a solicitor next week, as i'm not sure yet if face to face appointments are allowed.
I've looked for housing to rent but around here they are few and far between and cost a fortune!
tomorrow will be the day I speak to him properly and tell him how the land lies.
Thank you for listening

[ClaireNJ]

Originally Posted by Bluebell1

Thanks for your advice it means alot.
At the moment i'm working between 18- 21 hrs plus furlough, my usual hours are 32 a week. I work different shifts mon to friday
Luckily my mum lives in the same town so i could go and stay with her for a few weeks, shes 81.
dh is in denial, he has been nice as pie and even asked me if i wanted to go away in the caravan this weekend. I said no obviously!
this has been going on, on and off for years, but now i feel nothing no emotion for him at all. I know hes going to beg me to stay and turn the tears on and say he will change, but i've heard it all before. I can't do it anymore
Many times he's said really nasty things to me and then deflects everything on to me calling me horrible nasty and controlling!
At the moment we have our youngest daughter at home she is late 20's and is in the middle of doing her post grad dissitation, she is behind me 100%, shes witnessed how he treats me and hasn't spoken to him until recently for 18 months.
I'm going to phone a solicitor next week, as i'm not sure yet if face to face appointments are allowed.
I've looked for housing to rent but around here they are few and far between and cost a fortune!
tomorrow will be the day I speak to him properly and tell him how the land lies.
Thank you for listening

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Thanks for the update stay strong 💕if it’s what you really want & it’s been going on for years, I can understand why you need to end it.
Take care & keep your chin up xxxx

[lettie]

You can do this please don't waste anymore of your life on him.

[Feebee2]

When I first read this Bluebell I did wonder whether he is bullying you out of the house? I wonder if there are women's organisations out there who could give advice?
After all moving out would cause you financial hardship and it doesn't sound like you can really afford somewhere on your own.
Good luck and please look after your best interests.