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Unread 13 Dec 19, 10:15 PM  
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#25
cybermum
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Originally Posted by megaflyer View Post
I agree but disagree

Patching things up is exactly what is needed - how would she feel if her mother died ? Sorry to be blunt but your pussyfooted comment however well intended really might not be the best advice !

I am now an orphan - fact

I had a great relationship with my (adopted) parents - fact

It wasnt always rainbows and roses but bloody hard work at times - maybe cos I am gay - fact

My Parents died knowing I loved them and they love me - fact

You cant replace the bond from prenatal love (even marriage and children arent the same )

Please dont regret anything - please
Sorry but this is easy to say without knowing the finer details.
My mother found out where I was and continued her onslaught, sending me funeral cards on my birthday, writing abusive letters to the neighbours etc
Writing me letters saying how she wishes she had got rid of me, didn't love me.
She didn't track me down out of love, but for her own ends of mental abuse.
Some of us never had it to start with. My Dad died and it broke my world. But he loved me and I him.
I tried so hard for 30 years to win her love but when she started affecting my childrens wellbeing it was the final straw.
So with the greatest respect I say its not always the blood that binds us, in cases it can destroy us.
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Unread 13 Dec 19, 10:27 PM  
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#26
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I'm firmly with the OP here. I haven't spoken to my mother for several years and have no intention of ever doing so again. My sister can do no wrong, I can do no right, that's the way it's always been. Loads of people pointed it out to her but she wouldn't listen. The rest of my family aren't talking to me because of it. But I have peace of mind.

Edited at 10:30 PM.
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Unread 13 Dec 19, 10:36 PM  
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#27
EssexSue
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This is such a sad thread.
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Unread 13 Dec 19, 10:43 PM  
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#28
3disneykids
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Originally Posted by cybermum View Post
Sorry but this is easy to say without knowing the finer details.
My mother found out where I was and continued her onslaught, sending me funeral cards on my birthday, writing abusive letters to the neighbours etc
Writing me letters saying how she wishes she had got rid of me, didn't love me.
She didn't track me down out of love, but for her own ends of mental abuse.
Some of us never had it to start with. My Dad died and it broke my world. But he loved me and I him.
I tried so hard for 30 years to win her love but when she started affecting my childrens wellbeing it was the final straw.
So with the greatest respect I say its not always the blood that binds us, in cases it can destroy us.
Sorry to read this , a lot of people haven't been exposed to or learnt about this sort of behaviour so it is very difficult for people to understand why a family member particularly a mother would not have a 'normal' motherly bond with their children.
Sending hugs xx
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Unread 13 Dec 19, 10:50 PM  
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#29
may
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If I'm honest I think it's a confusing thread. The OP asked how her address might have been accessed and was given a range of unsolicited opinions about whether she should be receptive to a parental attempt at reconciliation that may or may not be occurring. Someone who pointed out that this was problematic had her input referred to as 'pussyfooted' and a perfectly innocuous comment was pronounced to be ' personal' perhaps leading to a withdrawal from the Dibb? I think we may all be suffering from P E T , Post Electoral Tension and I'm prescribing myself an early night. 🙂
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Unread 13 Dec 19, 11:09 PM  
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#30
Cuxi
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Look try not to let this upset you too much before Christmas, I know it's easily said. There's lots of well meaning advice here but that doesn't mean you have to take it.

I remember your past posts about the toxic and unfair releationship you two have from the past when almost to a man we advised you to remove yourself from her orbit (if I didn't I was thinking).

For your own well being I think that's probably the way for you to continue for the time being.

I agree with others, send it back.

Edited at 12:28 AM.
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Unread 13 Dec 19, 11:16 PM  
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#31
sw16
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Just a point wont putting not known at this address not just confuse the post office? They don't send post back to the sender unless there is an address on the back of the envelope
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Unread 13 Dec 19, 11:20 PM  
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#32
BlueMacaw
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Originally Posted by Andybear View Post
I'm firmly with the OP here. I haven't spoken to my mother for several years and have no intention of ever doing so again. My sister can do no wrong, I can do no right, that's the way it's always been. Loads of people pointed it out to her but she wouldn't listen. The rest of my family aren't talking to me because of it. But I have peace of mind.
Im also with the OP and agree with you, at the end of the day it is her life, no one can tell her whether or not to patch things up, however well intended it is.

Dont get me wrong I totally appreciate that life is short and that some people have lost parents and have had to live with that grief, but as another poster pointed out, why should we have to tolerate abusive parents just because they are parents? Family isnt always about blood.




My dad has never been a dad to me, we were close when I was younger, but as soon as he had a girlfriend when I was 12, he lost interest in me and focused on her children, it killed me inside and then I spent years chasing him, trying to rebuild a relationship but he wasnt interested, he cut me out for good when I was 18 and it kills me, I dream about him quite often, it breaks me inside, but how can I go back to him knowing he isnt interested, theres too much water under the bridge and I wont put myself through it again.

Edited at 11:21 PM.
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