Rammed 2017 (I'm so shiny) Day 1

[wizzo]

Day One - 16th August 2017


The index is HERE

If you haven’t read the Pre-Trip Report (or have more than likely forgotten it), this trip was to be another ground-breaking trip for us. We were skipping Disney World and hitting the beaches of Florida almost exclusively. This is why the Pre-Trippy was called ‘Florida Beach Bummers’. However, plans changed and we ended up visiting a) Disney World and b) Just the two beaches!

For this reason, the full trip report will be entitled ‘Rammed 2017 (I’m so shiny) for reason that will become apparent as we continue. This is to be an epic trip of 1500 miles driving, three hire cars, some shocks, some lovely surprises and a slight case of alcohol induced blindness!

So without any further ado…..we’ll crack on with the traditional ‘travel day’ shall we?

Now in years gone by, when the first leg of a multi-stop journey to America started at Newcastle Airport we caught the 6:05am flight to Heathrow. That means getting up at about 3am or paying for an airport hotel the night before. This year was different. Yes we were starting the day with a BA flight to Heathrow but this year it was the 11am flight!

What a bloody difference.

We woke up at 6am and could get ready at a leisurely pace. Some 2 hours after waking up, we left the house. But not before setting the automatic fish feeder for our two Koi carp (Goldfinger and Odd Job), turning the heating off and taking our traditional photo of two kids in front of ‘ticked off’ countdowns.

An hour later, we were at the meet and greet parking, handing the car over and walking the 30 yards into the airport. Having already done online check-in, dropping the bags off should have been a breeze. As we approached the check-in desks all I could see was a series of massive lines of people! Your heart sinks when you think you’re going to have to spend the next half an hour in a massive queue to drop you bags off doesn’t it?

As we approached the desks I realised that the 200 people standing there were all queuing at the KLM desk and that the BA desks had just two parties waiting in line, result!

Unfortunately, the party currently being checked in where a large family going to Nigeria and there was a lot of head scratching and conversation going on with the lady at check-in and subsequently, her supervisor.

You won’t remember dear reader, but we had this same thing happen to us a couple of years ago. That time it was a man and his three wives traveling to Doha with more luggage than you have ever seen in your life.

Anyway, 25 minutes later it was our turn and the KLM queue had gone! ‘F’ my luck at check-in!

It wasn’t really too bad. It never is when you’re starting your holiday. If it had been on the way home I’d have gone full Michael Douglas in ‘Falling Down’ I think (It’s a movie, ask your Dad).

We were quickly through security. I went straight to the Travelex counter to pick up the dollars I’d pre-ordered and Lauren decided she wanted to change another £250 of her own money at the very last minute. I said “There’s no point in changing cash here on the day Lauren, look at the rate, it’s horrendous in the airport” The bloke behind the counter laughed and went “I can give you it at the rate you’ve just got yours at if you like?” I was staggered and snapped his arm off. It just goes to show what a rip off airport currency is that he could give away 13c in the pound on a whim.

We browsed WH Smiths and Currys like people killing time and sat and had a coffee while we waited for our flight.

I treated myself to a caramel Macchiato as you can see (Well I was on my holidays).

We were soon at the gate and waiting for our short hop down to Heathrow. Unfortunately BA had oversubscribed the flight because of an ‘Online allocation error’, translation = Pure Greed. We spent an hour sitting while BA ‘persuaded’ people to get a later flight. Once the correct amount of people were on the manifest, we boarded.

Now I had the dubious pleasure of flying in the 70s as a kid. It wasn’t like it is now. We didn’t have posh shops with glitter filled marble floors, executive lounges and air conditioned tunnels direct to the plane.

OH NO READER………in the old days of Dan Air and Freddie Laker you had to walk across the runway, under the wing and get in the @rse end of the plan up a set of steps!

Oh hang on ……………..

We boarded by the back passage and were greeted by two businessmen, in suits, sat in the rear jump seats. This flight really was packed!

We took our seats and I was half expecting the ash tray in the arm rest to be full of fag butts (Yes, that’s what it was like in the 70s!).

We made up 20 minutes and landed at 1:30pm. The delay was never an issue to us as we had plenty of time in Heathrow as our flight to Atlanta wasn’t until 3:55pm. The restaurants were all really busy being lunchtime and we decided to stay away from the crush and have sandwiches from WH Smiths for lunch instead. Saw bloke in ‘Smiths’ raging at his kids. I doubt they’d done too much wrong, it was proper travel stress’

Lynn wasn’t much better, giving some Dutch woman ‘evils’ in the queue for security when she kept sticking her head in the gents toilet. She was trying to hurry her son up as it turns out but quite why she had to peer into the gents rather than her gormless looking husband was beyond me.

When we got to the gate we sat and ate our sandwiches, crisps etc. and watched the planes go by.

Lauren put her Minnie Ears on as she was about to board and was told to take them off as she’d look like she was on the wrong bloody plane! Amongst the passenger announcements at the gate was a call for a passenger on our flight to make himself know. His name? Ali Baba! I kid you not. I may have laughed out loud. Queue endless jokes about ‘40 thieves’, ‘He’s nicked the luggage’ etc. etc.

Now the only downside to this flight for a family of four is that the seat configuration is 3-3-3. We booked window and middle seats in two rows in the hope of getting empty aisle seats next to us.

We sat down and there was no one in either aisle seat. The plane looked almost full when an elderly American gent came and sat next to me. Gutted. I thought we were laughing for a minute. Lynn turned and laughed at me through the gap of the chairs just as a 7ft bloke sat in the seat next to her. Touché my dear, touché!

He was not only massive but practically blind too. He had the thickest glasses you have ever seen the poor bloke. When I was a kid we would have called them ‘’Jam Jar Bottoms’. I could see him and he got his phone out and proceeded to look at photos on it……with the screen about 1cm from his nose ……and then he zoomed in. This bloke shouldn’t have been out on his own! Anyway, he’s Lynn’s problem I thought.

Then the stewardess came up to him and said “I can squeeze you into an extra legroom seat if you’d like to follow me”. How jammy is Lynn! ? So her and Lauren had 3 seats between the two of them all flight.

We took off and the old bloke next to me got his pillow and blanket out, tucked himself in tight and went to sleep!

The flight was pretty good. The plane was cleaner than Virgin, the Bacardi and cokes tasted pretty much the same and I did my usual trick when the steward came around with the customs form. I probably shouldn’t type this as the cat will be out of the bag but I always sit behind Lynn. When the steward or stewardess comes up the aisle waving customs forms, I always point at Lynn from behind and give them a thumbs up. They always laugh. I’ve been doing it for years. This steward was no different.

Maddy watched a thousand Adventure Times on her iPad, I watched a couple of Family Guys and then food was served. I had the chicken Biriani which was lovely! As always, Maddy hated both choices (she never likes the kids meal and to be fair they are normally grim). The other choice was pasta. Why can’t they just do a sausage and mash anymore?

Not to worry though, as has happened before to us, the steward said he’d see what he could rustle up from first class and re-appeared with a selection of sandwiches, smoked salmon dip and crackers, fruit, yoghurt and a millionaires shortcake! Maddy knows how to play these airlines.

After lunch/tea/dinner whatever you class it as at 5pm Maddy watched more Adventure times and I watched Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Bizarrely, we all had a little sleep too, which we don’t normally do.

Some of us were deeper in sleep than others!

We landed on time at 8pm. Quite a late landing time transatlantic but we had nothing else to do other than get to our hotel and go to sleep really.

Once on the ground we had to wait because there was an Air France plane still on our stand. We wait for a while and then hear that they have a problem and we would find another stand instead.

We get to the stand, he puts in ‘park’ and Maddy throws up into her sick bag. JOY!

Regular readers will be sick of hearing about Maddy puking minutes after landing. It’s short lived and we give it to a stewardess on the way off….you’re very welcome love.

Immigration is a lot quieter than MCO but no more efficient. I’m sure those new self-service kiosks are slower than the regular line every time! Lynn didn’t even need to complete the customs form. There wasn’t anyone there to look at it. The bags weren’t even on the carousel yet, so we hadn’t lost any time.

Eventually the bags arrived, we escape arrivals and hail a cab. This was hard work as I had to tell the cabbie where the hotel was and show him it on his phone that he was using as his Sat Nav. It was an airport hotel not 5 minutes from the airport itself! Worrying, but he got us there.

It was dark by now and every one was shattered. We checked in and booked a shuttle back to the airport in the morning (7:30am) to pick up our hire car.

The room was nice enough but Lynn complained that it smelled of cheap cleaning products. I pointed out that the price was right and it proved it had been cleaned! Forgot to take photos but were only conscious in that room for about 30 minutes total.

I got some bottles of water from the vending machine and we all went to bed at 10:15pm, zonked.


Tomorrow – Zoo Atlanta

[Cannavar]

I've been looking forward to these. I followed you on Twitter so have a few spoilers.

Thanks for posting!

[Rob & Jan]

Great- looking forward to your latest trippie!

[tracynoe]

yay! We're off!

[Bouncing Tigger]

Brilliant!

[Unexpectedpenny]

So happy to see you’ve started!
I fancy watching Falling Down now

[tinks333]

Just seen your tweet! Been looking forward to the laughs 😁

[Gev]

Hurrah! Here we go, can't wait for the next instalment!

Just one question - PLEASE could you give us prior warning if there is to be any, ahem, happenings of the Buffalo Wild Wings type?

By the way, what's the Adele dong this year?

Sorry, yes I know that's 2 questions... xx

[Stardust5]

Yeah! I love reading your trip reports, can’t wait to see what antics you all get up to.

[fa$$a]

Sooooo looking forward to this 👍🏻 Flying tomorrow so you're going to be my summer read lol. I'm amazed at how much your lovely girls have grown, they're so tall wow xxx

Claire