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Old 16 Sep 21, 10:50 PM  
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#51
Lisa123wm
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Glad your daughter has been diagnosed and will hopefully get help.
I’ve been there myself with eating disorders and have my daughter very recently dealing with similar issues (along with others).
Just to add that both of my boys aged 23 and 16 have BMIs of 14 and always have done. Guess this is the difference. They’ve always been skinny and eat well so I know they’re ok (even when school nurses have questioned their weight).
The worry is when things change.
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Old 17 Sep 21, 08:33 AM  
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#52
Colette-S
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Just wondering how things are Ali? X
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Old 17 Sep 21, 11:54 AM  
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#53
alibeau
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Morning all and thank you so much for your messages.

Firstly and most importantly, DD has had her best week in a long time in terms of calories consumed (apart from her 'sick' day!) and has put on 1kg since her last weigh in at CAMHS which was just under 4 weeks ago. CAMHS worker was pleased with this though and felt most of the gain was probably down to the improvements DD had made herself prior to the meal planner being put in place

The meeting went ok, I found our contact there to be a little patronising at times, especially when talking to DD.

I could type an essay about what was said but the main concern I left with is that DD has been put straight onto the weight gain stage of the meal planners rather than the first stage of re-feeding. I await an email from the dietician to clarify.

DD's counsellor (private not CAMHS) feels that the CAMHS approach might not fit DD well and could be quite unhelpful in terms of DD's MH...

I've read more literature, read more posts, watched the Louis Theroux documentary etc

I feel that DD is the weight of someone with anorexia but does not have the mindset of someone with anorexia. I hate saying this as I feel as though I will come across as deluded or that DD is a great liar and/or that I am tempting fate... and it is very hard to 'defend' DD when her weight is so dangerously low.

So as always I am confused and torn and it is so hard to not let all of these thoughts and analysis to overwhelm me.

Luckily DH is as cool and a cumber, he's a problem solver, he is able to strip away the emotions, deal with the facts and press on... both DD and I are lucky to have him.

So, fingers crossed for another good day for DD, she has gone back to bed for a nap as we were up early to take her for blood tests. Only problem was, numpty here (me) forgot to take the paperwork so it was a wasted trip, doh! I am clearly losing my mind we go back at 2pm WITH the paperwork!

BB, the only bits that seem to apply to DD are, her weight/BMI are dangerously low and she has shown herself to be indecisive and controlling around food decisions.

She can now see from the meal planner (despite us telling her for the last few months) that her meals were made up of too much fruit and veg and not enough calories. She wants to increase calorie intake, she wants to put weight on (although she is apprehensive about this and around any type of change generally) and she wants to be better.

She would like to continue to eat health foods (control or preference?) but now sees she needs to get the balance right. She says that following the months where she had zero appetite due to her anxiety she now has to eat the foods she 'fancies' - healthy food, as she does not fancy chicken dippers etc. We are able to continue having 'Gousto' meals for our evening meal and so this gives us lots of variation.

DD has the same breakfast most days (so no decisions necessary) and after that we sit down, she chooses her remaining two meals and three snacks for the rest of the day and she is not allowed to change these at all.

That's it for now I think.

Any feedback welcomed as long as you don't call me deluded

Ali x

Edited at 11:58 AM.
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Old 17 Sep 21, 01:05 PM  
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#54
Colette-S
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Originally Posted by alibeau View Post
Morning all and thank you so much for your messages.

Firstly and most importantly, DD has had her best week in a long time in terms of calories consumed (apart from her 'sick' day!) and has put on 1kg since her last weigh in at CAMHS which was just under 4 weeks ago. CAMHS worker was pleased with this though and felt most of the gain was probably down to the improvements DD had made herself prior to the meal planner being put in place

The meeting went ok, I found our contact there to be a little patronising at times, especially when talking to DD.

I could type an essay about what was said but the main concern I left with is that DD has been put straight onto the weight gain stage of the meal planners rather than the first stage of re-feeding. I await an email from the dietician to clarify.

DD's counsellor (private not CAMHS) feels that the CAMHS approach might not fit DD well and could be quite unhelpful in terms of DD's MH...

I've read more literature, read more posts, watched the Louis Theroux documentary etc

I feel that DD is the weight of someone with anorexia but does not have the mindset of someone with anorexia. I hate saying this as I feel as though I will come across as deluded or that DD is a great liar and/or that I am tempting fate... and it is very hard to 'defend' DD when her weight is so dangerously low.

So as always I am confused and torn and it is so hard to not let all of these thoughts and analysis to overwhelm me.

Luckily DH is as cool and a cumber, he's a problem solver, he is able to strip away the emotions, deal with the facts and press on... both DD and I are lucky to have him.

So, fingers crossed for another good day for DD, she has gone back to bed for a nap as we were up early to take her for blood tests. Only problem was, numpty here (me) forgot to take the paperwork so it was a wasted trip, doh! I am clearly losing my mind we go back at 2pm WITH the paperwork!

BB, the only bits that seem to apply to DD are, her weight/BMI are dangerously low and she has shown herself to be indecisive and controlling around food decisions.

She can now see from the meal planner (despite us telling her for the last few months) that her meals were made up of too much fruit and veg and not enough calories. She wants to increase calorie intake, she wants to put weight on (although she is apprehensive about this and around any type of change generally) and she wants to be better.

She would like to continue to eat health foods (control or preference?) but now sees she needs to get the balance right. She says that following the months where she had zero appetite due to her anxiety she now has to eat the foods she 'fancies' - healthy food, as she does not fancy chicken dippers etc. We are able to continue having 'Gousto' meals for our evening meal and so this gives us lots of variation.

DD has the same breakfast most days (so no decisions necessary) and after that we sit down, she chooses her remaining two meals and three snacks for the rest of the day and she is not allowed to change these at all.

That's it for now I think.

Any feedback welcomed as long as you don't call me deluded

Ali x
You don’t sound deluded at all, you sound absolutely on the ball. Nobody knows her better than you. Sorry I can’t offer any practical help x
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Old 17 Sep 21, 01:49 PM  
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#55
buryboy
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Hi Ali
Will respond properly later but that all seems very positive 😀
Keep up the good work
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Old 19 Sep 21, 09:01 PM  
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#56
alibeau
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Hi BB & all,

Little update.

So I received an email from the dietitian on Friday with DD’s new/updated meal planner for the forthcoming week. She did not directly answer my question re what stage of the meal planners DD was started on. To recap the original planner made her sick, this was reduced down on day 3. Her latest planner is still less food than the original planner and falls between stage 2 and 3, indicating that DD was started on stage 3.

I was initially furious and it’s takes a lot to wind me up as it was clear there was a massive amount of food on the planner…. But I will put it down to miscommunication between DD and the dietitian and park it there, especially as the dietitian is now nice as pie with me and praising our decision making.

DD has felt quite low all weekend and it has been hard work keeping her on track but despite this she has for the most part stuck to the planner

We have a meeting with CAMHS again on Thursday, I can’t promise I’ll keep it buttoned and may need to air my frustrations re the original planner

Ali x
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Old 19 Sep 21, 10:13 PM  
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#57
buryboy
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Evening Ali
I have just sent you a Pm re the planner

Onto other stuff.
Your update from a couple of days ago was really positive .
I would be mindful of remaining positive / upbeat about the dietician / camhs workers in front of your DD even if you don’t agree with them . Showing you disagree will be just like giving a green light to DD to slip.

The other thing is the apprehension about change and in particular the apparent desire to limit the variety of food . Much of this really could show how she may find certain foods ‘ scary’ as opposed to just not her favourite ‘ healthy ‘ foods . Scary foods tend to be the more high calorie ones and less healthy ones. Please try to convince her that a more balanced rounded plan to contain all food groups is the fastest way to progress

From your post tonight , the low mood thing is definitely one to keep an eye on . You will be aware of the link between anorexia , anxiety and depression. Keeping spirits high is tough but vital. Try to think of things to keep DD busy . ( without using up too many calories ) and keep friendship groups intact . With no school , boredom becomes a problem with little to focus on bar the eating .

Hope you have a good week
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Old 19 Sep 21, 10:23 PM  
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#58
alibeau
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BB - thank you…

Yes, agreed re scary foods. We had a chat about this last night. I will continue to encourage balance but not much movement on this at the moment.

Sadly, since DD1 died she has felt distanced from her friends, elephant in the room and all that, I get it. She has a couple of friends she keeps in touch with. As you say we are trying to keep her occupied HP Lego and other stuff….

Thanks for everything.

Ali x
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Old 19 Sep 21, 10:47 PM  
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#59
buryboy
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Oh forgot to say you are not deluded at all
Obviously I don’t have statistics but I would expect that there will be many more stories of people in your DD situation where the intervention of the ED system etc acts as the ‘ kick up the bum ‘ needed a they have the strength to make necessary changes quickly so in a few weeks things could be looking up

Also bear in mind I think certain characteristics I have linked to anorexia are what I would think of as ‘ learned ‘ - ie that only by bringing together a number of anorexics together in a hospital or day care setting , do the sufferers learn ‘ tricks ‘ from each other that actually make the problem much worse rathe than better.

So I wouldn’t expect to see many of the characteristics as this stage . It doesn’t mean they your DD does or does not have anorexia .

But she does appear to have a relationship with food that needs some improvement .

I can only imagine that ‘ elephant in the room ‘ feeling but can certainly see how difficult it would be for both your DD and her friends
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Old 21 Sep 21, 11:14 PM  
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#60
SleepingUgly
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I suffered from anorexia for years. From when I was 18 until I was 25. It was such a low point in my life.

But that’s the thing. It was a point. A chapter.. one that has very much passed and is like a distant memory to me now.

I’m now 28, married and have a 6 month old baby boy and I’m healthy and happy. If you told me 3 years ago I would be here I wouldn’t have believed you.

It’s an awful illness. A hard one to beat, but IT CAN be beaten. Family support was the key for me. I couldn’t have done it without them. Your daughter needs you so just be there for her.

Just focus on her coming out the other side and please look after yourself ❤️
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