Where do I move forward from here, and what options do I have?

[MK_club1987]

Sorry for the vague title, I didn't really know the best way to word it.

Cut a long story short over the last month me and DW have split up for good this time, I personally wanted it to be friendly despite what happened for the sake of DS who's 5, but she's taken completely the other stance and is doing everything possible to make it awkward.

Here's where the issue is, we don't own a house and have only rented, but were still living together, she doesn't work (since we had DS), and I have paid all rent/bills since DS was born, she won't move back into her parents as her dad is on the vulnerable list, which I do completely understand, but we cannot go on living together, she's got the bed and I'm sleeping on the sofa which is so uncomfortable, my back is hurting and I'm probably sleeping about 3-4 hours each night, I get all the food shop in still, and she just helps herself to food, she goes out almost every evening, and just comes back when she wants. I understand she probably goes out to avoid awkwardness, but it's not fair on DS, he doesn't understand why she's just heading out every evening, and at this time he needs structure asap, which were not going to get living together.

She knows I wouldn't just tell her she has to leave, but I can't go on living like this, it's really getting me down, I'm not sleeping, and quite frankly I don't think it's fair that I'm paying for everything in the house, yet I'm living in the awkward, horrible atmosphere which in the end is not going to be fair on DS.

Her parents are very well off, so I know they would help her get on her feet, until she can get a job, but she refuses to ask. She refuses to talk about the situation and just says there's nothing she can do about it.

I'm at the end of my tether, and I understand I have to tread carefully, but there's got to be some way to move forward, surely she doesn't want to live this way either?!

[BevS97]

I think she needs to speak to someone about what benefits she will be entitled too. gov.uk/benefits-calculators

[Buzz n' Piglet]

Tell her you are moving out and that your son is going with you as she can't afford to look after him.

[mental4ever]

Originally Posted by BevS97

I think she needs to speak to someone about what benefits she will be entitled too. gov.uk/benefits-calculators

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Definitely a tricky situation.
Don’t forget that you could also use this site to get information to see what she may be entitled to.
If she will not discuss this with you how is your relationship with your in-laws. I’d include them if possible on the basis that you are concerned for the psychological well-being for DS.
Good Luck for your family’s future.

[danisleigh]

If she isn’t willing to move out then I would suggest to her that you do? Clearly that won’t work as she can’t afford to pay the rent but maybe it will at least push her to discuss the situation.

[MarBell]

Hi can you afford to move out and rent somewhere yourself? Then your wife can either find work or claim benefit, Universal Credit would be the benefit. You could pay maintenance for your child, there is an online calculator you can use to determine amount. Once situation has eased a little then use mediation to come to a reasonable arrangement for .

[MK_club1987]

Originally Posted by mental4ever

Definitely a tricky situation.
Don’t forget that you could also use this site to get information to see what she may be entitled to.
If she will not discuss this with you how is your relationship with your in-laws. I’d include them if possible on the basis that you are concerned for the psychological well-being for DS.
Good Luck for your family’s future.

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Thank you, unfortunately I don't really get on well with her parents, as they are very religious (Jewish) and she married out, so I've never really been accepted.

I think I'm going to have to force a conversation somehow

[MK_club1987]

Originally Posted by MarBell

Hi can you afford to move out and rent somewhere yourself? Then your wife can either find work or claim benefit, Universal Credit would be the benefit. You could pay maintenance for your child, there is an online calculator you can use to determine amount. Once situation has eased a little then use mediation to come to a reasonable arrangement for .

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Oh I can absolutely rent somewhere by myself as I basically do that now, if I could afford 2 places for a while I would but I move out, I won't be able to pay for her place anymore.

I've already worked out child maintenance, and that's certainly not an issue from my end.

I've tried to say I'm happy to move out if she can maybe ask her parents to help with this place until she gets a job, or she can move out into a cheaper place, but she just refuses to do anything.

[PoohBears#1fan]

She doesn't have to leave the family home, the agreement has been that she's the full time parent.

In your situation I'd move out, then she can move forward with finding out what help she can get towards paying for the home and how much maintenance you'll need to pay.

When my ex husband and I split up, I didn't feel that I'd ever be able to run the house by myself, but with putting it on interest only mortgage for a couple of years and increasing my income, I did. Women are very resourceful

[Guest]

Has she even told her parents what's happening?