Getting old and loney

[Floridatilly]

My mum has not been the same since my dad died 5 years ago. During lock down her best friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She found lock down incredibly lonely and it has put her into some sort of depression.
She wont go to the doctors, all that medication for depression is nonsense 🤷
She is in my bubble so I am at her house currently, although she still wont let me in, we sit outside.
So for three years she has repeatedly said its (Covid spread) all because people are not washing their hands. All you need to do is wash your hands, no one is washing their hands. Have you been washing your hands...
I feel drained. She is lonely and depressed. She wont accept depression.
I don’t really know what I expect from this thread but I wanted to offload.
I am not quite sure what I can do. My sister and I ring her daily, visit her at least once or twice a week.
😥

[Loulou127]

I don’t think I can help much apart from to say your mom sounds frightened to me and my mom is too, we live with my mom and I thought she was never going out again when this all started but we have encouraged and got her out a little, but unfortunately she’s going backwards now the virus is spreading again, it’s so sad 😢😢😢

[Col&Ali]

This is so sad and similar to how my mother is acting too, except she does allow my brothers into the house. She was (and still is in her eyes) shielding but back in August when shielding came to an end in Wales she had some spunk and couldn’t wait to get her hair done. Unfortunately this was the only time she has left her little flat and says she’s quite happy for everything, eg, shopping and doctor appointments, to come to her.

I have only managed to see her once through this and it’s heartbreaking to hear that she stays in her nightie all day, sitting in her little kitchen smoking ... this is not doing her any good at all!

[Floridatilly]

She is only 68 but not young at heart if that makes sense.
All she does in moan 😥
Saying that, I seem to be moaning minnie lately. Had 2 rats in my garden, still gave neighbour from hell doing cruelty to his dog, I feel fat & old !
Maybe it’s because winter is approaching 🤷
Sorry for moaning everyone 🥰

[EssexSue]

Originally Posted by Floridatilly

She is only 68 but not young at heart if that makes sense.
All she does in moan 😥
Saying that, I seem to be moaning minnie lately. Had 2 rats in my garden, still gave neighbour from hell doing cruelty to his dog, I feel fat & old !
Maybe it’s because winter is approaching 🤷
Sorry for moaning everyone 🥰

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Two rats?

I think we all sympathise about the poor dog, that's not moaning at all. I long for the day you tell us it's sorted. Hurry up Karma.

[munmun]

To be honest you dont have to behold to be lonely, depressed and moaning.

For your own peace of mind could you contact her doctor and explain the situation. Maybe the Gp could think of an excuse to contact her and maybe start her on some antidepressant.

Has she always been a moany, lonely, depressed type of person? Seriously if she has then maybe it is just her personality. If not then sadly you cant push her out of her comfort zone so you will have to support her as best you can without it negatively impacting you.

[MrsBC]

I think it's not 'old and lonely' (she's 3 years older than me and I'm nowhere near old), it does sound like depression or as someone else said - is it her nature to be like this? There's nothing you can do really except let her know that everyone's in the same situation, and that we can still go out and do some things with little risk. Will she not come to dinner at yours or your sisters house just to get her out for a couple of hours in what she might see as a safe place.

[disney332]

Your Mum is my Mum to a tee. My Mum is 92.

It is so hard to rationalise her behaviour, as the person you once knew is no longer there. The only thing I can suggest is you try and not take it to heart, and surround yourself with the love of your own family.

Its tough and it sucks, I know, but lockdown, covid and media hysteria has caused a massive amount of mental illness, much of it now irreparable.

Take care of YOU

Disney332

[Floridatilly]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

Two rats?

I think we all sympathise about the poor dog, that's not moaning at all. I long for the day you tell us it's sorted. Hurry up Karma.

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I posted about the rats the other day. Two days in a trot in broad daylight, strolling around like they owned the place (all over my new garden)

I came home from my mums to be told by his next door neighbour that the screaming and yelping had gone on for a total of 5 minutes today. I asked if they recorded it but unfortunately not as ‘you know what he is like’. Meaning they are too scared/intimidated.

I should change my profile name from Floridatilly to moaning Minnie 🙈🙈

[ROBBOTOO]

You’re not a moaning Minnie, you are trying to deal with enough in your own life, which sounds quite enough, while trying to support your mum. You’re bound to feel drained.

Sadly your neighbour isn’t helping you with the sad problem of the dog by telling you what’s happened while you’ve been out. But not recording it themselves. Sounds like they’re hoping you can deal with it. You’re not being able to to get away from the awful situation either if they’re telling you what’s happening while out. I think I’d have to say to that neighbour not to tell you what’s going on when you aren’t around unless they are happy for you all to try to deal with it together. Harsh, but the neighbour offloading to you isn’t helping you.