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Old 5 May 20, 08:34 AM  
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#651
DISNEYLIZ
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So sorry to hear about your update. You are never burdening us. I hope you get a positive outcome from Emma's care team. Sending you a hug.
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Old 5 May 20, 08:55 AM  
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#652
Goofy3
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Hi, I have read your posts about your daughter, but have never commented until now. I can see many similarities between your DD and mine. (Age,duration of problems etc.) Apart from the major difference being your DD has anorexia. Mine does not, but has diagnoses of ASD, Conversion disorder, anxiety, etc.
The thing I wanted to comment on was you mentioned her not wanting to have periods. My DD does not enjoy this aspect of growing up. Periods, Ďadultí behaviours (s**), even conversation around smoking and drugs are abhorrent to her. She has told us on many occasions she doesnít want to grow up. She looks, dresses, sounds much younger than her 21 years. She has followed a fashion movement for years, called Japanese Lolita (girls wear frilly over the top dresses with petticoats, long socks etc). Iíve come to realise this is also her way of psychologically trying to stay childlike.
Could this be why your daughter is controlling her body shape and size?
Iím sure you may have already considered this, so apologies for stating the blimming obvious, but didnít have time to go back and reread all your posts.
I also wanted to say,you sound an awful lot like my DH. He has invested so much of himself over the last 6 years, trying to help our DD, (research into alternative medicines, books, podcasts, vitamins, diet etc), that in the process has neglected his own self mentally. The impact on the whole family is immense. (And must be more so in your case. Mealtimes to the degree you have described sounds utterly exhausting!).
I have 2 younger children. My younger DD is 17, and finds it hard to understand why her having a boyfriend, going out, meeting friends etc. is such a problem to her sister!
I can feel the fear and frustration in your last post. We too feel the same when thereís a step backwards. (Anger too Iím ashamed to say). Stick with it, hopefully when routine is restored things will get easier. Could you encourage your DD to think of her longer term future. Maybe start looking at local universities for interesting courses? My DD is now in her 2nd year of a creative writing degree. Sheís doing really well, lives at home, but most importantly she has found her place where she fits in. Best wishes.
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Old 5 May 20, 01:09 PM  
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#653
buryboy
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Thank you all so much for the support .
It really is appreciated .
The last couple of years have been Ďmanageableí - almost a kind of Ď new normal Ď come early to us.
I really hope we donít have to go anywhere near to the bad period . Thatís my fear as working from home ( which could be a new normal for me ) and witnessing it all day will drain me in no time .
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Old 5 May 20, 01:26 PM  
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#654
Princess Ariel
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Thinking of you all. Obviously my situation with DS is different but I do understand the emotional turmoil of caring for a child with Mental health issues, especially when this impacts so dramatically on their physical health.
I find having this forum just to let it all out helps so much as I really struggle to tell people close to me how Iím feeling.
Hoping and praying you all get the help and support you need and Emma can begin her recovery journey again xx
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Old 5 May 20, 01:28 PM  
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#655
buryboy
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Originally Posted by Goofy3 View Post
Hi, I have read your posts about your daughter, but have never commented until now. I can see many similarities between your DD and mine. (Age,duration of problems etc.) Apart from the major difference being your DD has anorexia. Mine does not, but has diagnoses of ASD, Conversion disorder, anxiety, etc.
The thing I wanted to comment on was you mentioned her not wanting to have periods. My DD does not enjoy this aspect of growing up. Periods, Ďadultí behaviours (s**), even conversation around smoking and drugs are abhorrent to her. She has told us on many occasions she doesnít want to grow up. She looks, dresses, sounds much younger than her 21 years. She has followed a fashion movement for years, called Japanese Lolita (girls wear frilly over the top dresses with petticoats, long socks etc). Iíve come to realise this is also her way of psychologically trying to stay childlike.
Could this be why your daughter is controlling her body shape and size?
Iím sure you may have already considered this, so apologies for stating the blimming obvious, but didnít have time to go back and reread all your posts.
I also wanted to say,you sound an awful lot like my DH. He has invested so much of himself over the last 6 years, trying to help our DD, (research into alternative medicines, books, podcasts, vitamins, diet etc), that in the process has neglected his own self mentally. The impact on the whole family is immense. (And must be more so in your case. Mealtimes to the degree you have described sounds utterly exhausting!).
I have 2 younger children. My younger DD is 17, and finds it hard to understand why her having a boyfriend, going out, meeting friends etc. is such a problem to her sister!
I can feel the fear and frustration in your last post. We too feel the same when thereís a step backwards. (Anger too Iím ashamed to say). Stick with it, hopefully when routine is restored things will get easier. Could you encourage your DD to think of her longer term future. Maybe start looking at local universities for interesting courses? My DD is now in her 2nd year of a creative writing degree. Sheís doing really well, lives at home, but most importantly she has found her place where she fits in. Best wishes.
What a really helpful post goofy thank you so much.
The similarities are striking .
When she was going through her hospital phase a few years ago , the only thing she could say was that she had a fear of Ď the future Ď - basically what you say becoming an adult and having responsibilities etc.
Emma too has never really grown up , she would love to live at a permanently young age . She volunteers at a rainbows group . Sums it up for me . She ideally would like to be a primary school teacher for the same reasons I think . She relates to that kind of age much better than her real age .

With regard to your younger DD thatís exactly how our DD relates to our 16 year old DS . Doesnít want him going anywhere. Wants him all to herself . I think she feels that long term he is going to be the only one left to look after her . DWs parents both died relatively young and I think DD thinks we may do too and is scared.

Ref university etc . Emma has a place in September ready to accept. The think now is whether she is Ď ready Ď for it . It was always questionable ( Emma has doubts herself ) but this latest setback makes it harder still , especially if the teaching is going to be online etc
She loves her job at M&S , I really think that has been a life saver for her and it may be too much for her to risk

Thank you again
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Old 5 May 20, 01:39 PM  
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#656
ClaireNJ
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Sorry to hear about your daughter, sending love to you all, maybe the Uni place will give her something to look forward to & I'm sure the M&S job helps too.
Take care & Stay safe 🌈
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Old 5 May 20, 02:56 PM  
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sparklegirl
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oh I am so sorry to read this. I do hope Emmas team are able to give her the support that she, and all of you, need. x
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Old 6 May 20, 11:07 PM  
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#658
buryboy
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Just a quick update .
Two more really difficult days.
There is no way we could manage for long with us all home every day having to deal and persevere with all the tears and tantrums ,and the never ending meal and snack times with no understanding from Emma of what's caused the downturn .

Hopefully there is some help at hand though.
The GP rang yesterday .
There is a plan to change part of the medication but Emma needs to put some weight on. Hopefully that may in time act as a spur. And Emma has at least agreed to be weighed at home, something she hasn't agreed to for a long time.
The GP is to get in touch with the bone specialist to not only agree this , but more pertinently to move Emma away from her current therapist onto one associated with the bone specialist . Emma trusts the bone specialist so this would be a positive move and hopefully they can achieve more than the current one .

The one cloud on the horizon is the bone specialist has recently written to our GP suggesting she believes Emma may have autism and will test for this and ensure the therapy is adjusted accordingly .
This was considered ( and rejected ) while Emma was in the Priory but I have always thought it might be the case.

Thanks for taking the time to read
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Old 6 May 20, 11:12 PM  
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#659
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Hoping that help kicks in very soon and Emma finds the strength to put on the weight. Thinking of you all.
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Old 7 May 20, 02:48 AM  
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Thank you for the update. I canít even imagine how stressful this must be for you all. I hope your GP can offer some help soon. Hugs to you all x
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