Advice re nephew

[birdiesX4]

My 22 year old nephew lives with his dad. His mum, my sister died her he was four and he has lived with his dad since. My parents helpd a lot with school runs and babysitting for years.
The relationship between my brother in law and parents has never been great, he is a complete idiot and I am sure my sister would have left him at some point if she had lived. She fell pregnant by accident whilst living with someone else so didn't really know him at all.
Fast forward many years...DN has learning difficulties and was statemented at school and received learning support at college but he has now left and doesn't work. He just spends his time with his other grandma and occassionly visits my mum, when his dad will allow.
My mum worries about him all the time. He has a genetic condition that he inherited from my sister which requires yearly check ups at a specialist clinic. My mum used to take him but his dad decided several years ago it wasnt necesaary so stopped them. He has had to go in the last few weeks because he has a very large fibroma on his forehead that needs removing . My mum made the appointment and his dad took him but he won't tell my mum how they got on and by nephew says his dad has said he mustn't tell her.
More worryingly he told my mum that he has had a pain in his groin for ages and it's really bad and that he has no semen. He has spoke to his dad who has said that's normal for a boy, he's 22, and it's because he doesn't get excited when he sees girls! He told my mum he does like to look at girls and 'feels different ' when he does but he knows it's normal to not have semen. He said he has googled it. My mum made an appointment at his doctors for him which was on Friday but when she spoke to my nephew yesterday he said his dad cancelled it and said he can't take tine off work to go with him, it doesn't matter because he is never going to have a girlfriend. Last week I wanted to call my brother in law but DH persuaded me not to as I have no real contact with him and it was not really my business.
Spoke to my mum this morning and she is very upset. My nephew has told her his dad told him not to tell my mum anything and that she isn't allowed at their house.
I feel it is my business, it's affecting my mum and he is my sister's child.
As I consider my nephew vulnerable is there a child protection or safeguarding issue here even though he is 22. He doesn't have an EHCP, in my opinion he is on the autistic spectrum but his dad and possibly my parents were against him being assessed as a child as they consider it embarrassing to have any kind of mental health or learning disability. I suffered badly from post natal depression after our second child was born and we didn't see my parents for 10 months because they said I needed to struggle in order to pull myself together. Nothing to do with this but just so you can see how they think.
I am at a loss what to do or if I should get involved. I don't live near any of them but my mum is finding my brother in law harder to deal with on her own. My dad died suddenly last October and I am now the person she is telling all this to.
Sorry for the rant, thanks if you have stayed with me. Any thoughts would be appreciated as I am at a loss which way if any I should go.

[hipthehippo]

Hi. I'm so sorry to hear how frustrated and upset you are. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom - I didn't want to read and run - but I'm afraid I don't really have any experience. I am aware that safeguarding can be raised for an adult but am not sure how to do that. Hopefully, the amazing Dibbers will have some useful advice.

[ziggyzag]

You should contact social services yourself, they won't say who called when they go to see or as he is an adult and was statemented at school it should be on his health records, so you could contact his Doctor and say you are concerned about some health issues your nephew has told your mum and his dad is ignoring them. The Doctor won't tell you anything but it should flag up and he can contact social services to enquire.

[birdiesX4]

So the doctor would contact social services as I have said there is a concern?

[ziggyzag]

Originally Posted by birdiesX4

So the doctor would contact social services as I have said there is a concern?

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He should do, or you can raise a concern yourself at social services x

[HevaDuck]

If you have concern you should contact Social Services yourself all referrals are as
Ziggyzagg says confidential and he is a vulnerable adult. Does your Nephew not have a named Social Worker fom the Learning Disabilities Team? I wouldn't rely on the GP making a referral their opinion may not be the same as yours but that doesn't mean to say that the GP is right. At least by making a referral you can rest at ease and know you have tried to help even if at the end of the day it's decided there are no concerns. I hope you and your Mum can get some help soon it must be very stressfull for you both. Take care sending a hug

[Scaramouche]

Call them yourself. You don't know how long it will take for him to go to the HP or whether he will be allowed to go by himself and if he will be told exactly what to say/bullied into saying what his dad has said.

[birdiesX4]

Originally Posted by HevaDuck

If you have concern you should contact Social Services yourself all referrals are as
Ziggyzagg says confidential and he is a vulnerable adult. Does your Nephew not have a named Social Worker fom the Learning Disabilities Team? I wouldn't rely on the GP making a referral their opinion may not be the same as yours but that doesn't mean to say that the GP is right. At least by making a referral you can rest at ease and know you have tried to help even if at the end of the day it's decided there are no concerns. I hope you and your Mum can get some help soon it must be very stressfull for you both. Take care sending a hug

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No he doesn't. there hasn't been anything like that since he was in school as far as ai am aware. I don't have a lot of contact with him and my brother in law has worked hard at keeping my parents at arms length. My dad used to get really annoyed when my mum tried to get involved and find what was was going on and I think this was because it reminded him that DN had learning difficulties.
I am so worried about alienating my mum even more from my nephew as she would be distraught.

[DisneyStacey]

You could contact the Adult Safeguarding Co-Ordinator at his local council, who may be able to advise or help further. I would imagine that preventing him access to healthcare would amount to neglect.
As someone else suggested, it may just be worth putting your worries across to your GP (just so that there is "evidence" of your concerns).
Must be a really difficult situation for all of you. x

[birdiesX4]

Originally Posted by DisneyStacey

You could contact the Adult Safeguarding Co-Ordinator at his local council, who may be able to advise or help further. I would imagine that preventing him access to healthcare would amount to neglect.
As someone else suggested, it may just be worth putting your worries across to your GP (just so that there is "evidence" of your concerns).
Must be a really difficult situation for all of you. x

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do you mean to his GP?