Collecting loved ones ashes. Sensitive post

[TrueBlueAngel]

Originally Posted by arielrocks

It’s the shock that’s made you upset. It’s standard practise unless you ask otherwise. The issue is that unless you’ve been through this now on earth would you know?

I’m so sorry xx

When I picked up my dads ashes they were in a purple hexagonal tall plastic jar that reminded me so much of quality street I couldn’t stop laughing when they handed it to me. Grief makes you react strangely for sure

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My uncle received his wife’s ashes in the same kind of jar but in red. Reminded me of a huge wholesalers ketchup bottle! Not dignifying at all.

[Dinglebert]

I have now had to do this twice for both parents. My father 18 years ago the ashes were in plastic urn. My mother last year, plastic bag inside a cardboard box. My mother orgainised by fathers cremation so I have no idea if she choose the urn or it was standard. My memory for my mothers cremation was that there was no choice around the ashes. However I am willing to be wrong as the whole conversation with the undertaker about funerall choices is not clear, having taken place the day after her death and many things are blurred.

I fully understand why you are upset. Personally I hated the whole ashes business. Scattering them didn't feel real and didn't for me lead to closure. The funeral was closure the ashes were reopening what was closed and didn't help. However that is personal and others will feel differently. The hardest bit was the container. I couldn't bring myself to throw it into the bin. I had to take the urn back to the crematorium who disposed of it for me. The box my wife disposed off. What did surprise me on reading it up was what the ashes were. Please stop here if the next bit may be upsetting



My belief was that the ashes were mainly made up from the wood from the coffin. Not true that disappears in the heat. The ashes are indeed made up from bone. Think I preferred when I thought it was mainly wood.

[arielrocks]

Originally Posted by Floridag1rl

Well its not the norm in Devon, we scattered mother in laws ashes last Sunday. Her ashes were held by the funeral director as long as we wanted and they ended up being there 6 months. they were in a beautiful biodegradable cardboard box with bluebell woods picture on, we chose this box before her funeral we could have had a round tube like one or a square taller box. the funeral director didn't charge any extra for storing the ashes and told us to take as long as we wanted. We scattered Mother in law on Dartmoor overlooking Widecombe in the Moor where Father in law's ashes were. We have the box and I have suggested to husband that we bury it in our garden and put a rose bush over the top of it as roses were her favourite flowers.

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This is a lovely idea but I would suggest a large planter. That way if you move you can take her with you.

[macadoo]

It isn’t the norm at our local family run funeral directors, they put them in a plastic urn.

[Firsttimers2018]

Sorry for your loss. This is the norm sadly. Dad died 7 years ago, mum 6 months ago. Both were in plastic bags inside a blue cardboard box.

[Leggibone]

It must depend where you are - my dad was in a red plastic urn thing (like described previously) we took him on a lifeboat boat out of Whitby and scattered him in the North Sea, - he was taken too soon, but he would have appreciated going back to one of his favourite childhood spots!

[Talland 2016]

With DH ashes the funeral director advised that the crematorium supplied a red plastic urn which apparels biodegradable so could be buried.
We buried the urn with half of the ashes in with his mothers grave and the funeral director did a reading we had had at the service
Some I had made into a necklace
DS had some made into a paperweight
We also have some in a floral scatter tube that DS,DD and I plan to scatter but we aren't sure where as yet
So at present it's sitting on the wall unit in the lounge

[Vanillapod]

Originally Posted by Leggibone

It must depend where you are - my dad was in a red plastic urn thing (like described previously) we took him on a lifeboat boat out of Whitby and scattered him in the North Sea, - he was taken too soon, but he would have appreciated going back to one of his favourite childhood spots!

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We did exactly the same for FIL. DH almost joined him in the water it was so rough.

[salmon70]

Sorry to hear of your loss 🙁. Yes this is the norm. I lost my stepfather last year and was quite surprised to see his ashes in a clear plastic bag in a container with just a sticker with his name and cremation number. I don't think my mum was offered any alternative at the time.

[Floridag1rl]

Originally Posted by munmun

Burying a loved one in your garden clearly has worked for you but I would advise against it for many people. I have worked with some bereaved people who have found they cannot move house because they do not want to leave their loved one behind.

I would suggest that ashes are scattered or buried in a more public space that will always be available to family and friends.

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The ashes are scattered on Dartmoor the empty box is going to be buried in our garden out of respect as we didn't know what to do with it and it is biodegradable.