Notices
General Chat This forum is for general topics and chat type threads.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 29 Nov 21, 02:01 PM  
Link to this Post
#41
Blue nose
Imagineer
 
Join Date: Mar 16
Originally Posted by di5ney View Post
Thanks, he doesnt speak to either of his sisters unfortunately. They are very snobby and have always looked down on him. Both have only met out oldest dd 6 yrs ago. They didnt speak at his grans funeral etc. the oldest sister rarely speaks to his parents either and she lives abroad. I think the way to go is to put a note on this parcel. We dont want to play games but at the same time we need them to realise we are not accepting things from them.
You decision completely on the relationship or contact.

As for the gifts I wouldn't return them. It could be perceived by others that your side are the issue not them. They could be seen as reaching out and not welcomed.

Donate to charity or straight in the bin if you don't want the kids to receive them.

Be mindful of later discussion though
if your kids go on and have contact that it could be perceived that you stopped the contact/gifts.

We have similar family issues but I don't stop contact just don't make the first move/shut it down. My kids will draw their own conclusions when older.
Blue nose is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 29 Nov 21, 02:38 PM  
Link to this Post
#42
Danex
Excited about Disney
 
Join Date: May 13
Just an observation, but Iíve often noticed that parents seem to have a lot more to do with their daughters children, rather than their sons.

My DHs parents would have always favoured his sisters children, would have looked after them more, every year they would have spent 2 weeks at their house looking after the children so that DH sister and her husband could go on holidays in September, would taken them out places, bought them a lot.

For my own children, they were their when required, at Christmas for a short visit to drop off presents before going to their daughters house, they were there at birthday parties in the early years, but stopped coming once they went to school.
They only ever looked at my children once and that was in an absolute emergency.

Just wondering if thatís whatís happening here? Not saying itís right, but I have noticed it happening in other families.
Danex is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 29 Nov 21, 03:19 PM  
Link to this Post
#43
munmun
Imagineer
 
Join Date: May 10
Originally Posted by Danex View Post
Just an observation, but Iíve often noticed that parents seem to have a lot more to do with their daughters children, rather than their sons.

My DHs parents would have always favoured his sisters children, would have looked after them more, every year they would have spent 2 weeks at their house looking after the children so that DH sister and her husband could go on holidays in September, would taken them out places, bought them a lot.

For my own children, they were their when required, at Christmas for a short visit to drop off presents before going to their daughters house, they were there at birthday parties in the early years, but stopped coming once they went to school.
They only ever looked at my children once and that was in an absolute emergency.

Just wondering if thatís whatís happening here? Not saying itís right, but I have noticed it happening in other families.
Interesting

I love my DIL unconditionally and believe she is the best thing that happened to my son but I do still tread warily around her as I am very careful not to offend, overstep my position or behave with my grandchildren in a way she would not want. With my daughter I say what I think, she tells me if I'm talking rubbish! It is a different relationship.

They are both great mums, different parenting but both great as are my son and SIL.

It's not easy being a mum or MIL. What one family want and need from us is different from the other. We tred the line! Love them all.
munmun is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 29 Nov 21, 04:01 PM  
Link to this Post
#44
DisneyStacey
Apprentice Imagineer
 
Join Date: Mar 17
Mobile

Originally Posted by munmun View Post
Ē
I love my DIL unconditionally and believe she is the best thing that happened to my son but I do still tread warily around her as I am very careful not to offend, overstep my position or behave with my grandchildren in a way she would not want. With my daughter I say what I think, she tells me if I'm talking rubbish! It is a different relationship.Ē
This is 100% what I was going to say, but youíve put it more eloquently than I ever could!
DisneyStacey is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 30 Nov 21, 11:15 PM  
Link to this Post
#45
amy56
Imagineer
 
amy56's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 09
Originally Posted by Danex View Post
Just an observation, but Iíve often noticed that parents seem to have a lot more to do with their daughters children, rather than their sons.

My DHs parents would have always favoured his sisters children, would have looked after them more, every year they would have spent 2 weeks at their house looking after the children so that DH sister and her husband could go on holidays in September, would taken them out places, bought them a lot.

For my own children, they were their when required, at Christmas for a short visit to drop off presents before going to their daughters house, they were there at birthday parties in the early years, but stopped coming once they went to school.
They only ever looked at my children once and that was in an absolute emergency.

Just wondering if thatís whatís happening here? Not saying itís right, but I have noticed it happening in other families.
That is certainly our experience - my DMIL has always been heavily involved with her DD and DGS on that side, whereas she has spent very little time by comparison with our two sons - to cite a typical example - she used to go to parents evening for my nephew, but Iím 100% sure she doesnít even know what school my boys attended!

I have found it particularly hard over the years, but my DH just lets it go over his head, so Iíve had to work hard at letting it go as well (I feel upset on DHís behalf, but if he isnít bothered then I shouldnít be either).

We havenít got a bad relationship with them, but they all feel more like cousins we see occasionally, whereas my mum (before she sadly died) was very involved with us, so my boys thankfully havenít missed out.

I suspect it is, as you say, a mother/daughter thing - although as a mum of two boys, I just hope we never lose the closeness we have now 😢
amy56 is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 1 Dec 21, 07:36 AM  
Link to this Post
#46
Tinks2014
Imagineer
 
Tinks2014's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 14
I agree with this mums and daughters. I have 2 sons and 2 daughters. I love them all but have far more contact with my daughters. We meet up , they come round for lunch . My sons one lives in Australia and the other a few hours away. I have 1 grandson with my oldest so. When he split from his partner she moved back to her parents. They are both retired . My husband and and I are in work. I do shifts so work most Saturdays.,We donít get to see our grandson much as we would like and his other parents have him living with them. The distance makes it really hard..

Edited at 08:47 AM.
Tinks2014 is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 1 Dec 21, 09:22 AM  
Link to this Post
#47
JessBlu
Imagineer
 
Join Date: Oct 16
Just another perspective on daughters and in laws.

I think we assume that our husbands do the same for their mums as we do, little texts, morning calls, pics of the kids, calling in for coffee etc, well mine doesnít and it took me a long time to realise that, itís not from a lack of wanting to but they just donít think the same.

So I think that explains why the gaps emerge, as the mother in law does not get the contact from the son that we give to our mums.

In the example above about parents evening, have you reached out to your mum in law and invited her ?

I would of course mention it to my mum, itís parents evening next week, just in passing, then she will say oh can I come- of course , but that exchange just would not happen with the mum in law.

We love them equally, but it is a different relationship.

You have your daughter for life but your son only until he meets his wife ...

Edited at 09:24 AM.
JessBlu is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 1 Dec 21, 09:29 AM  
Link to this Post
#48
ScoopsAhoy
Imagineer
 
Join Date: Apr 21
Location: Hertfordshire
Originally Posted by JessBlu View Post
Just another perspective on daughters and in laws.

I think we assume that our husbands do the same for their mums as we do, little texts, morning calls, pics of the kids, calling in for coffee etc, well mine doesnít and it took me a long time to realise that, itís not from a lack of wanting to but they just donít think the same.

So I think that explains why the gaps emerge, as the mother in law does not get the contact from the son that we give to our mums.

In the example above about parents evening, have you reached out to your mum in law and invited her ?

I would of course mention it to my mum, itís parents evening next week, just in passing, then she will say oh can I come- of course , but that exchange just would not happen with the mum in law.

We love them equally, but it is a different relationship.

You have your daughter for life but your son only until he meets his wife ...
My husband does this more than I do!
We are more a text family on my side but he calls his mum every couple of weeks and sends her photos of dd often and we go over when we can.
His brother is the same and pops in to see them every Saturday afternoon.
ScoopsAhoy is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 1 Dec 21, 09:39 AM  
Link to this Post
#49
2littleboys
Imagineer
 
Join Date: Jul 13

2littleboys's Reviews
Hotel Reviews: 1
Mobile

Originally Posted by JessBlu View Post
Just another perspective on daughters and in laws.

I think we assume that our husbands do the same for their mums as we do, little texts, morning calls, pics of the kids, calling in for coffee etc, well mine doesnít and it took me a long time to realise that, itís not from a lack of wanting to but they just donít think the same.

So I think that explains why the gaps emerge, as the mother in law does not get the contact from the son that we give to our mums.

In the example above about parents evening, have you reached out to your mum in law and invited her ?

I would of course mention it to my mum, itís parents evening next week, just in passing, then she will say oh can I come- of course , but that exchange just would not happen with the mum in law.

We love them equally, but it is a different relationship.

You have your daughter for life but your son only until he meets his wife ...
I have to agree with this, I speak to or see my mum most days but my husband hardly sees his mum despite her living in the same street.

When we first got together I tried to encourage the relationship by inviting her for dinner etc but to be honest my husband just isnít interested, I regularly invite my family for Sunday dinner but DH never asks his mum.

MIL idea of being a grandparent is waving to the kids when they pass her house on the way to school, Iíve told her we have an open door policy for visiting but she never comes near.
2littleboys is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 1 Dec 21, 10:18 AM  
Link to this Post
#50
EssexSue
Imagineer

 
EssexSue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 09
I think it depends on the in laws relationship with their own family too. My eldest son is very close to me and his wife is too but she doesn't have much family herself, my son in law is estranged from his mother and says I am more like a mum than his has ever been, my younger sons wife is very close to her mum so she always comes first, but we still have a good relationship and my youngest granddaughter constantly reminds them of me. 😂
EssexSue is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 11:07 AM.


Powered by vBulletin - Copyright © 2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Latest News
Posted in international Flower & Garden Festival
On 13th January 11:35am
This March the Garden Rocks Concert series returns to EPCOT at the International Flower &... Read More »
Posted in Seaworld
On 4th January 2:22pm
Get ready for uncharted chills on the all-new Ice Breaker coaster at SeaWorld Orlando! Named... Read More »
Posted in Florida
On 21st November 8:54am
Disney Parks, Experiences and Products Chairman Josh D’Amaro revealed Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind... Read More »


theDIBB Menu


Exchange Rates
US Dollar Rates
ASDA  $1.3345
CaxtonFX  $1.3284
Covent Garden FX  $1.3419
FAIRFX  $1.3322
John Lewis  $1.3371
M&S  $1.3160
Post Office  $1.3147
Sainsburys  $1.3317
TESCO  $1.3345
Travelex  $1.3300
Updated: 10:00 18/01/2022
Euro Rates
ASDA  €1.1707
CaxtonFX  €1.1661
Covent Garden FX  €1.1847
FAIRFX  €1.1688
John Lewis  €1.1724
M&S  €1.1549
Post Office  €1.1533
Sainsburys  €1.1682
TESCO  €1.1707
Travelex  €1.1661
Updated: 10:00 18/01/2022

DIBB Premium Membership
Did you know you can help support theDIBB with Premium Membership?

Check out this link for more information and benefits, such as...

"No adverts on theDIBB Forums"

Upgrade Now



X