Really need positive stories right now

[stardoman]

Here's my story.

Slightly different situation as my relationship had always been a bit up and down. We were 18 when we got together and were engaged though we didn't live together and hadn't set a wedding date. Every couple of months we'd have a massive row and would split up for a few days and then get back together. During these breaks I later found out that he would get with another girl, but he'd split with her as soon as we got back together.

Then one day, he beat me up. He focussed on my legs and for months it was painful to walk. There was no major damage just bruising. His parents were downstairs in the living room and must've heard it, but they did not come up to stop it or help.

I was devasted though as I thought he was the love of my life. I was just starting my final year at uni and we planned to set a wedding date, etc after I graduated. My mum had always instilled in me that if a man beat you up, run for the hills, so I didn't see a way back. I desperately wanted children, even then.

Then after 6 weeks, I was missing him so much I rang him. We chatted and both cried. The next day he rang me and we met later that night. We sat in a car park, chatting everything through and decided at the end that we should remain apart. He told me not to ring him again as his new girlfriend had got very upset as she had overheard our converation.

A couple of days later I went to uni. I didn't have any lectures, just wanted to study there as it was too noisy at home. I bumped into someone from my course and he suggested going for a coffee. We sat in the cafe for about 3 hours and at the end he asked me out. I went out with him for the wrong reason, I went out with him because the hurt I was feeling inside felt less when I was talking to him. But it turned out to be the best decision I made. We've been married almost 24 years and together nearly 30 years. We have 3 children.

Also turned out that he had liked me since the first year of the uni, though we were on a different courses at that point (we ended up on the same final year). We'd never spoken before. So glad he hadn't tried to ask me out earlier as I would have said no as I was not single.

Six months later and my ex rang. We chatted and I met him. He told me that he was really missing me. We spoke a few more times on the phone, but I did not want to finish the new relationship I had, so I stopped this.

Most people say have time on your own to find yourself before jumping into a new relationship. But I would say stay open to whatever may come your way. Good luck, you will get through this.

[missmydisneyday]

Once again, thank you for all the responses. I really appreciate it. Last night was not a good night so I didn’t get chance to individually reply to people but hopefully tonight is better and I will get chance.

I don’t know why people do such horrible things to someone they once purported to love. Last night he came back to the flat randomly to stay on the couch (it was convenient as he was drinking after work), I demanded answers and said I wasn’t going to leave the room until I had some. He had a very violent reaction to this and threw me onto the floor, I kept getting back up and he kept throwing me back down and grabbing my arms. I am covered in bruises and cuts on my arms and legs. Not once did I react to him with violence, I asked him to stop and got myself out of the room. He has never been violent before so I am so confused by it all. I’ve told him he now has to give me the keys back and if he comes anywhere near me I will be texting his mum and work the photos of my bruises (never would really do this but it’ll be enough to keep him away). Other people have mentioned much worse stories on here where violence is concerned and my heart goes out to you.

[WhereIBelong]

Originally Posted by missmydisneyday

Once again, thank you for all the responses. I really appreciate it. Last night was not a good night so I didn’t get chance to individually reply to people but hopefully tonight is better and I will get chance.

I don’t know why people do such horrible things to someone they once purported to love. Last night he came back to the flat randomly to stay on the couch (it was convenient as he was drinking after work), I demanded answers and said I wasn’t going to leave the room until I had some. He had a very violent reaction to this and threw me onto the floor, I kept getting back up and he kept throwing me back down and grabbing my arms. I am covered in bruises and cuts on my arms and legs. Not once did I react to him with violence, I asked him to stop and got myself out of the room. He has never been violent before so I am so confused by it all. I’ve told him he now has to give me the keys back and if he comes anywhere near me I will be texting his mum and work the photos of my bruises (never would really do this but it’ll be enough to keep him away). Other people have mentioned much worse stories on here where violence is concerned and my heart goes out to you.

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if he goes anywhere near you ring the police. Seriously. He has assaulted you, don't let him do it again.

Change the locks. He may have already made copies, or his mum has one etc... It is a rental? Get his name taken off the tenancy. Get to a point where he has no legal right to enter. He assaulted you. No leeway should be given.

[janeywaney]

Didn’t want to read and run.
So sorry you are going through this 😕 The fact he was violent towards you last night would be enough for me to change the locks and call the police.
You are going to be grieving for the future you lost and that is perfectly natural, the hard part for you will be the not knowing why he’s left.
Please don’t let him back into your life or your house stay safe, violence was the only way my father dealt with my mum for 5 years 😕 Thankfully she kicked him out and married my dad and had 42 happy years together until she passed away 3 years ago.
She always told us if a man ever lifted a hand to us to get out of that relationship. My father used to tell her he only hit her because she was beautiful and he didn’t want other men looking at her, he used to best her so she wouldn’t leave the house.

You will get through this loads of cyber hugs to you,

Jane 😘

[Floridatilly]

One fact I learned the hard way is that violence starts slowly, not too bad at first... rather forgivable then it gets worse and worse until you feel trapped. Each violent episode worse than before.
If he can shove you to the floor, cause bruises & cuts! Stay away. Please, stay away and stay safe 💕

[Mackenzies03]

I’m so sorry for what has happened, please, if he hurts you again or comes anywhere near you please contact the police- if not for your own safety then for any future person he might think it’s acceptable to hurt 😔 it’s forever one of my biggest regrets (not violence but something awful)

[galaxy101]

Originally Posted by Pookie3101

I’m in the middle of this now , as my dh of 21 years (together 28) walked out 9 months ago and just sent me a text message. I can’t give you a super positive story, as I’m not far enough along in my journey, but I am nowhere near the place I was when he left. It’s not been easy and I have had some dark days but I am getting there.
My advice is to be kind to yourself. Let all the emotions out and deal with them. It’s a bereavement for the life you thought you had and it’s hard. I still cry, I still get angry days and I still wake up in fear, but they are nowhere near as bad as they were and I bounce back much quicker.
My husband had some kind of breakdown. He feels all the decisions he made in his life were others, not his own and he hadn’t achieved anything. He is living happy living on his own. He doesn’t want any responsibility and wants to make his own decisions. He said he likes being like a hermit.
As others say, life has a funny way of turning out great from what seems so bleak. Hang in there, keep talking and look after yourself. Xx

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This is the way my ex is behaving begrudging everything he's ever done for anyone, wallowing in self pity, pushing his whole family away. Believes he has no worth anymore, would rather be on his own & play on an online game day in day out. I really do believe it's some kind of breakdown/mid life crisis.
Hopefully we will come out the other end happier, I know I'm feeling much better & stronger in myself now xx