Utterly Heartbroken and Devastated

[Baggie Bird]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Your lovely daughter is so right - your partner has the problem not you. Both of you are in a world of hurt at the moment but believe me you will get through this in time.

Take care of each other and focus on the practical things and the healing will follow. We are all here to help support you both. Thinking of you xx

[Hopefulholiday]

Sending hugs to you both, I am always shocked by how easily some people seem to be able to deceive those closest to them. Take care of yourselves and feel free to sound off on here xx

[DisneyStacey]

Originally Posted by Johnnyp

Sorry to hear that you and your daughter are going through this.

Dad needs a royal kick up the bum to get back being there for his daughter. Mums & dads who have moved out have neglected their kids far too many times and the loss to both party’s is time they will never get back

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He was never a hands on dad when he was here anyway, but he has tried reaching out to her (he sends her a text each day), but she isn’t ready to talk to him yet. Her response to his text messages is “urgh, he makes me feel sick”.

She says he isn’t the dad she thought she knew. She wants her old dad back. She can’t understand why he has broken her family apart. Although she is grown up in many ways, she is only 10 at the end of the day.

We speak everyday about him - I try and keep things in a positive way. I remind her that he loves her, and that none of this is her fault or a reflection on her.

But she is hurting. And also struggling to accept that her future has changed and it’s beyond her control.

I know that when she is ready, they will start repairing their relationship. And I will be there as her number 1 fan, doing whatever I can to support her. But I’m not going to force things.

He has hurt her - badly. And he needs to accept that it’s going to take time for her to come to terms with what he’s done and what has happened.

[JackyH]

Sorry to read this. You have an amazing daughter and she will help you through this and as someone to whom this has happened you will come through it even though at the moment it doesn’t feel like it. You must keep your strength up though and I know you won’t feel like eating but it’s important you do. Take care x

[DisneyStacey]

In terms of practical things - I am trying my best to get my ducks in a row so to speak.

He is still paying enough to cover the bills. I have applied to a shared ownership scheme to buy 25% of a house. Not ideal, but better and cheaper for me than renting. If I get approved, then their aim is to complete within 8 weeks.

After my wages, child maintenance payments and universal credit - I should have enough money to get by. If not, family have said they will help with my childcare arrangements so I can get another part time job.

It’s just all so much to think about and it kills me that it’s even something I’m having to think of at all.

[Floridatilly]

Originally Posted by DisneyStacey

In terms of practical things - I am trying my best to get my ducks in a row so to speak.

He is still paying enough to cover the bills. I have applied to a shared ownership scheme to buy 25% of a house. Not ideal, but better and cheaper for me than renting. If I get approved, then their aim is to complete within 8 weeks.

After my wages, child maintenance payments and universal credit - I should have enough money to get by. If not, family have said they will help with my childcare arrangements so I can get another part time job.

It’s just all so much to think about and it kills me that it’s even something I’m having to think of at all.

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So will you and your daughter need to move? Can you not stay where you are, is that rented?
I imagine everything feels raw and if you need to move then that is another stress to deal with.
My heart goes out to your daughter, this should be an exciting time of year, Halloween, bonfire night & Christmas. It’s a lot to bare for her young shoulders. She is old enough to understand what’s going on but probably not mature enough to deal with all the emotions that are happening and will happen in the next few months.
You need to put yourself and your daughter first and take things step by step, day by day.
It will be hard, it will be heartbreaking but you at rock bottom and the only other way to go is up! Slowly but surely things will get easier.
Take care x

[DisneyStacey]

Originally Posted by Floridatilly

So will you and your daughter need to move? Can you not stay where you are, is that rented?
I imagine everything feels raw and if you need to move then that is another stress to deal with.
My heart goes out to your daughter, this should be an exciting time of year, Halloween, bonfire night & Christmas. It’s a lot to bare for her young shoulders. She is old enough to understand what’s going on but probably not mature enough to deal with all the emotions that are happening and will happen in the next few months.
You need to put yourself and your daughter first and take things step by step, day by day.
It will be hard, it will be heartbreaking but you at rock bottom and the only other way to go is up! Slowly but surely things will get easier.
Take care x

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We want to move. This house belonged (mortgaged) to my fiancé before we got together. If we’re not together, then it certainly isn’t home to me. Especially knowing that he’s been ringing her whilst sleeping in our bed, from our sofa after I’ve gone to bed at night. Who knows if she’s ever been here! I shudder at the thought.
It was only my “home” because I had a family here. Without the family, it’s just a house. A house which is now full of negativity. I can’t bear to be here.

It’s an awful lot for her to cope with. The guilt is eating me up. I just so wish she wasn’t having to go through this.
X

[Floridatilly]

Originally Posted by DisneyStacey

We want to move. This house belonged (mortgaged) to my fiancé before we got together. If we’re not together, then it certainly isn’t home to me. Especially knowing that he’s been ringing her whilst sleeping in our bed, from our sofa after I’ve gone to bed at night. Who knows if she’s ever been here! I shudder at the thought.
It was only my “home” because I had a family here. Without the family, it’s just a house. A house which is now full of negativity. I can’t bear to be here.

It’s an awful lot for her to cope with. The guilt is eating me up. I just so wish she wasn’t having to go through this.
X

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It’s an awful lot for you both to cope with.
It’s just a sad and awful situation.
I totally understand about the house and it might be a brand new start for you. Just don’t rush into something financially while your emotions are so high.
I am no legal expert but if you have lived there for the 10 years you have had your daughter together you might be entitled to something? I know you probably don’t want anything from him but but he needs to provide for his daughter.
As I said before things can only improve. You are rock bottom at the moment and you are only human so you will be devastated. But slowly you and your daughter will get through this 💕
Sending you both hugs x

[WinnieDog]

Didn't want to read and run, although I have nothing to add to all the good advice given already I just wanted to wish to strength and love at this sad time. xx

[THE WIZARD]

He is a man, (sorry fella's) he is your usual taken in my another exciting pretty face, who dotes on him, he thinks & he is totally overwhelmed that this other women finds him so attractive. You are his rock, have been there for him, given him a daughter but its all become a bit brother and sisterish and suddenly life is interesting/exciting/clandestine - not shopping/painting doing all the usual real life things that have now become mundane & boring. If you still love him and want to carry on a life with him in the future. (Which I would not personally) then just go along with it all and let him have his fantasy life for a while, it will no doubt eventually dawn on the prat that this is all fantasy and real life is you and his daughter & he will come crawling back full of apology & saying what a prat he has been - I have truly seen this with so many friends and the way it plays out! How you handle it is how it will turn out. You are actually in charge here if you sit and think about it - yes its hard at present and a shock but sit and take stock & take charge. It is 100% not you/your fault or the life you had together, its him & his need to suddenly feel young and attractive again.