So I told my girlfriend

[cartoonp]

Went to a new restaurant in town.
The waiter said "For starters there's badger soup, followed by roast badger and finishing with badger mousse."
"Is there anything else apart from badger?" I asked.

"No", he replied. "It's a sett menu."

[Guest]

Originally Posted by cartoonp

Went to a new restaurant in town.
The waiter said "For starters there's badger soup, followed by roast badger and finishing with badger mousse."
"Is there anything else apart from badger?" I asked.

"No", he replied. "It's a sett menu."

See more...

I don't know why you bothered asking. It seems black and white to me.

[cartoonp]

Went to a weird christening yesterday, the vicar poured two cans of lager over babies head. Apparently he was fostered.

[cartoonp]

[Mr Tom Morrow]

A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism.

Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.

Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies,

"Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo.”

[Mr Tom Morrow]

I was walking through the city when I walked past an Abbey and noticed lots of Nuns walking around inside the open large doors.

I headed to a pub down the street and as I walked in I was startled to see a woman in religious attire sitting at the counter. I sat next to her and asked her why she was here.

She said, "don't tell my Sisters, but this place serves the best gin and tonic I've ever had!" I took her at her word and ordered one. She was right. It was fantastic, and as I finished, I thanked her.

"This is the best drink I've ever had, bar nun."

[disney332]

A couple were lying on their bed. It was their 10th anniversary.

"What is it my dear" he asked "you seem distant this morning".

"Darling" she replied "We have been so happy, but I think that its time I made a confession. You see, before we were wed I lived a very different life. This is not easy, but I was an international hooker for 8 years.

For several seconds nothing more was said. Then, he raised himself from the bed and walked to the window where he pondered for a while and then returned to her side.

He took her hand and looking her in the eyes said "You are the most perfect wife. I love you and I would never hold your past against you. International hooker - maybe you could recall those days and with a few tricks of the trade spice up our sex life?".

"Oh my poor innocent husband" she replied "I don't think you understand. When I said international hooker I meant my name was Gareth and I played rugby for Wales".

Disney332

[disney332]

I do apologise... had forgotten this thread... love it...

People who rattle on that they are worse off than they really are get on my nerves!
They should meet my mate Bill, he is amazing! Lost both feet & his voice in a serious road accident.
You don't see him making a song & dance about it!

Disney332

[disney332]

What are the chances of finding a singer called Fish?

One in Marillion

Disney332

[disney332]

Putting all my dogging gear up for sale on eBay.

No bids yet but there's 20 watchers

Disney332