Stressed and can’t deal with everything

[HappyPanda]

I'm sorry if I'm way of the mark here but I remember a few of your posts over the last 6 months asking how to do cruises/florida "on the cheap" so I can't help but feel you'd be much less stressed if you just concentrated on doing one of your holidays with a full budget rather than trying to scrimp on 5 breaks.

I know you've said before that you'd rather give the children happy memories of holidays than spend money on your house - but again, I don't think going on 3 holidays a year would give them any better memories than going on just one. When I was little we used to go away for one week a year to a caravan in Essex - I have the best memories from that and never once wished for an abroad holiday.

I also think you really need to give the house purchase some serious thought - it's a massive commitment and not something you can go into lightly or on a whim. It also has to be a joint decision - regardless of who earns the money you and your husband are a partnership and your opinion should matter just as much as his.

I hope you manage to come to an agreement which lessens your stress levels as it's a horrible feeling worrying about "what ifs" etc..

[vampiress88]

Ok I’m sure I said this but now reading some posts I’m not completely sure what I wrote.

We have been abroad on a late deal cruise (last cabin they were trying to sell 2weels before it left) once in 11 years.

Have had holidays in caravans. To brid or skeggy on their £79 deals mainly all in school holidays. These little holidays I can deal with as I don’t need to plan anything or pay much as it doesn’t usually cost much more than the weekly food budget plus maybe £100. Cheap deals.

I then have two cruises and Florida this year. Two next year.

Would no way have booked any cruises if we had seen this house.

Just cos we can manage the payments to go on all these holidays doesn’t mean I have money coming out my ears. I always ask for ways to save money on forums as if I can save that money it can go elsewhere. Win win.

And yes I have been at the very bottom. Just after our Florida holiday we got married. I was having lots of issues that were making me poorly and couldn’t mentally cope resulting in losing my job. Luckily for me I managed to drag my ≈≈≈≈ up and get another job and try to deal with issues. It’s been a ≈≈≈≈ road and there are still issues now but those 6odd months was worst. Don’t think I showered for days which was awful. It’s only really been from 2012 when we went on the cruise that things picked up but we still had to mess about doing things

Unfortunately we were young and stupid when we first bought house and didn’t understand finances and ended up in a 25year fixed mortgage. Then the market crashed.

It’s just all a bit much for me. I thought I was gonna have a nice easy year. And that I’d have everything sorted.

Just this house thing I’ve never done. When we moved in here we had a mattress deck chairs and kettle. Now the house is full. I have 4 different people coming in the next two days. I have got to do all doctuments and seem to have figures left right and centre.

Also Florida is not an easy holiday it has to be planned etc. I haven’t really done much yet so all feels rushed.

Maybe this will be better in a few weeks

[caj]

I've not read this all, do you know there are spaces for your kids at the new school ... many are running with waiting lists so you would potentially have a patch if time with children in diff schools.

[Vinniecat]

Vampiress88 if you didn't have these issues to worry about would you be worrying about something else? Do you think maybe your anxiety is always there and you just focus on the biggest things going on in your life at the time? I think that might be the reason why you are struggling so much. I know holidays cost a lot of hard earned money and a new home is a huge financial and emotional commitment. Therefore it's no wonder you are concerned about them. However what is the worst that can happen? You have a bad holiday and you don't like your new house. Ok so that happens you may be disappointed in your holidays but in a relatively short time you will have all but forgotten about it. The house is a much bigger commitment though however if you don't like it you can move again. Yes I know that's not ideal but it is doable. The worst that can happen is you might loose money. I'm not trying to say that it's OK to fritter money away without care. I am just trying to say that even if things go wrong they are things that can be sorted. I'm a fine one to talk because when I book a holiday. I worry about getting it right and panic and have a headache for a few days but I do try to put it into perspective. As for the children aged 3 and 4 I would not be concerned about moving them at that age. Especially if you are going to a new build as there are probably going to be lots of young families moving into the area as well. I think it is good that you are expressing your anxieties and I hope you can work things out. I wish you the best of luck.

[vampiress88]

Originally Posted by Vinniecat

Vampiress88 if you didn't have these issues to worry about would you be worrying about something else? Do you think maybe your anxiety is always there and you just focus on the biggest things going on in your life at the time? I think that might be the reason why you are struggling so much. I know holidays cost a lot of hard earned money and a new home is a huge financial and emotional commitment. Therefore it's no wonder you are concerned about them. However what is the worst that can happen? You have a bad holiday and you don't like your new house. Ok so that happens you may be disappointed in your holidays but in a relatively short time you will have all but forgotten about it. The house is a much bigger commitment though however if you don't like it you can move again. Yes I know that's not ideal but it is doable. The worst that can happen is you might loose money. I'm not trying to say that it's OK to fritter money away without care. I am just trying to say that even if things go wrong they are things that can be sorted. I'm a fine one to talk because when I book a holiday. I worry about getting it right and panic and have a headache for a few days but I do try to put it into perspective. As for the children aged 3 and 4 I would not be concerned about moving them at that age. Especially if you are going to a new build as there are probably going to be lots of young families moving into the area as well. I think it is good that you are expressing your anxieties and I hope you can work things out. I wish you the best of luck.

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You are correct. Would definitely be worrying about something else. I dither and worry and over analyse and it goes round and round.

[Vinniecat]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

You are correct. Would definitely be worrying about something else. I dither and worry and over analyse and it goes round and round.

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It is hard if that is the way you are. It is irrelevant whether people think your problems are first world or whatever. To you they are real problems and you will probably be able to see the negative more easily than the positive. What you see as a problem someone else might see as an adventure. Maybe you need to speak to a professional for some coping strategies. Hopefully in time you will be able to see advantages rather than disadvantages to a situation. Good luck and try not to be so hard on yourself.

[DisneyDaffodil]

I agree with Vinniecat, if you are finding all decisions difficult and all plans stressful, you may need help with this.

Maybe some cbt therapy could help? Your gp could refer you for some treatment. Or some self assertiveness classes perhaps?

[ERICSMUM]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

You are correct. Would definitely be worrying about something else. I dither and worry and over analyse and it goes round and round.

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Have you spoken to someone ? Your GP might suggest some counselling, or maybe a course of anti-depressants ? Might be just enough to relieve your vicious cycle of anxiety so you can make some progress with all your activities and give yourself the confidence to plough on.

Does your DH know how you feel, really feel ? On the other hand could HE benefit from speaking to someone ?

You sound so desperately unhappy, your first step must be to discuss it all with him and decide what you can manage to take on now and what can be shelved (not forgotten) for a while.

If you both decide to carry on with all the holidays and house move, your DH needs to acknowledge that they involve tons of work. You personally can’t carry on as you are, you will get ill.

Personally I’d run them as “projects”, with proper plans, actions/tasks and their timescales that you allocate to either DH or yourself so that you each have defined responsibilities. Have regular ‘reviews’ to see what progress you’ve each made, resolve snags etc and above all, ticking things off that have been done and completed. Keep detailed lists, clear notes and organise the paperwork so nothing gets overlooked.

I hope what I’ve said doesn’t upset you ! In times of stress my practical head goes into auto pilot & drives me to write lists, plans and organise bits of paper and then magically stuff gets done.

Linda xx

[EssexSue]

I don't think theres anything medically wrong with you OP, you are trying to deal with more in a short time than most people deal with in years.

[Pumpkin Pie]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

I don't think theres anything medically wrong with you OP, you are trying to deal with more in a short time than most people deal with in years.

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I agree. Its bad enough caring for a 3 and 4 year old and holding down a job without everything else on top.