Stressed and can’t deal with everything

[parisdisneyfan]

It's your money so your decision how you spend it. However putting on here you won't always get friendly answers, I've learnt this the hard way

On the house front, I can understand and send you hugs. We were in this position5 years ago. We are conditioned to houses taking a long time to sell but ours sold without even going on the market! My husband loved the new build but although it was nice I didn't, but didn't want to spoil his dream. Luckily they wouldn't accept what I was happy to pay and the figures proved to dh that we would be living a really tight budget if we paid what they wanted so we dropped out. During the 2 weeks this took I lost weight, couldn't sleep, burst into tears at work, and the physio working on my shoulder rehab said I was so tense I was undoing all her work

Think long and hard about the house, you have a lot on your plate anyway with all these hols, which are stressful getting ready for whatever people say. With all the things you are feeling it doesn't sound like the house for you.

Best of luck with it all xxx

[sam_b]

OP, I really think that only you can decide what you can and can't cope with and the best way to handle this. It sounds like a lot and it sounds like overcompensating - but I don't know the reality - just what you have posted.

When I read your post what concerns me the most is that you don't appear to be involved in these HUGE decisions - why is your husband doing this without talking it through and planning it properly with you? He appears to be committing your joint finances to things that your are not 100% on board with and that is a REALLY big red flag to me.

[vampiress88]

Originally Posted by Col&Ali

There was a thread a while back where the OP was worried about the Florida holiday costing £11k and I got my head snapped off for suggesting they cut back a bit. The OP has also expressed concern about her work situation and health. Since then 4 cruises and a possible new house purchase have occurred!

I think the OP and husband seriously needs to consider their plans, be honest with each other look at why they feel the need for such extreme planning.

*ducks for cover*

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Yes that was me.
Luckily if anything should happen to my job then hubby does earn enough to cover things. We have always used his wage as the income and mine is for things such as holidays.

Andy- I don’t think we are lucky I think my hubby works damn hard to give kids a better life than what we both did.

Booked the holidays as we want to start “living” rather than just paying the mortgage like we have been doing. We’ve been doing lots of over payments for a number of years so that we could get good equity and buy a new car as our kept breaking down.

We have always needed a forever (till older and need little house) home. Ours simply isn’t big enough. They have two toddler beds currently and we could only do bunk beds as it’s small.

It’s all carpeted etc. It’s in cream which I personally hate but not actually planning on doing anything much to the house for the first few years I wouldn’t think.

The two schools don’t look bad and there is one due to be built but no date on that yet. Just wouldn’t want to move them schools too many times.

We have told the kids about the house. They said they are fine with new school and they want their own rooms but I’m not sure what the reality would be of that.

We are paying a hell of a lot for our mortgage right now and then extra for overpayments as we took it down to only a few years left before mortgage was done.
As the house is 3x this little one is then we are getting a mortgage over longer which means less a month to pay. This will then mean the difference in money we have we can pay off the holidays (cruises in 2020 and Florida spending money) then save so we can make a lump sum at the end of our two years before remortgaging again. Lump sum from shares at same time too. Then we can take the years off the mortgage again.

Not really worried too much about the money side as I think we figured that out.

I don’t have any of my friends in the area I live now. Mine live near my work 15miles away. Same with hubby apart from the one bloke on this new estate. Don’t talk to my side of the family apart from my gran who will be 20mins away and his family who will be 25mins away from this new place.

All just seems a bit weird.
I hate some things about this house but at the same time I think I feel nostalgic? It’s like I was married when at this house, kids conceived in here. This was there first home,first Christmas etc maybe it’s this that’s putting me off.

[vampiress88]

Originally Posted by sam_b

OP, I really think that only you can decide what you can and can't cope with and the best way to handle this. It sounds like a lot and it sounds like overcompensating - but I don't know the reality - just what you have posted.

When I read your post what concerns me the most is that you don't appear to be involved in these HUGE decisions - why is your husband doing this without talking it through and planning it properly with you? He appears to be committing your joint finances to things that your are not 100% on board with and that is a REALLY big red flag to me.

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He tends to make the decision for two reasons. The first is he pays majority. Second is I dither and can’t make decisions, I don’t particularly like making judgment calls at all not for a takeaway or anything if it was left to me I wouldn’t book or buy anything as I tend to over analyse everything. I’m also a lot more blasé about most things. I’m not bothered too much about cars or houses. He is but then he works hard cos he wants us to have nice cars and nice house. I think it all stems very much from his family. He wants a good upbringing for the girls. Dunno really how to put it but although he likes his parents he feels like they have “settled” with things. Trying to sugar coat it really but not sure how to explain

[vampiress88]

One of the reasons we are going Disney is cos he never got to as a kids and he wants them to have the magic etc. It’s very much to do with them having the best really.

I know I’ve had some strong replies but it really does help just to talk to people and the more i talk and think about it and work our finances etc the more it is helping.

[3disneykids]

I think anxiety may be part of you issue. It seems like you agree with the decisions but there is a level of stress and some doubt. What you have to do is go into this situation with both eyes open. Now you have pointed out that you are financially stable I think it is just a case of doubt. For me a house is just a house in any house I live init will never be perfect...What is perfect? If you are happy with all of the things happening and it is best for you and your children then go for it. You may regret it if you do it and you may regret it if you don't but then again nothing ventured nothing gained.
Whatever you decide express all this with your husband.
Hope you manage to sort it all out

[Pumpkin Pie]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

He tends to make the decision for two reasons. The first is he pays majority. Second is I dither and can’t make decisions, I don’t particularly like making judgment calls at all not for a takeaway or anything if it was left to me I wouldn’t book or buy anything as I tend to over analyse everything. I’m also a lot more blasé about most things. I’m not bothered too much about cars or houses. He is but then he works hard cos he wants us to have nice cars and nice house. I think it all stems very much from his family. He wants a good upbringing for the girls. Dunno really how to put it but although he likes his parents he feels like they have “settled” with things. Trying to sugar coat it really but not sure how to explain

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When my children were young I didn’t work and my husband supported us (this was more common then). No way would my husband make all the important decisions - we always made them together and who earned what wasn’t important as we are a team (sorry I know it sounds cheesy).

You say you are not that bothered but on the other hand your original post indicates you are. Did your husband discuss booking the cruises with you?

[daisymae]

Your biggest decision is the house. As you said a house is a house so perhaps you don’t have the excitement your husband has and you’re dithering over whether it’s the right one. I am a terrible decision maker and dh ends up making a lot of major decisions because I worry I’ll make the wrong one. We usually end up with the right decision though from both of us. Your kids are young and probably best time to move before they are fully ensconced in a school with best friends etc. At that age they will be more open to moving schools. I would go back to the house a few more times and if you still feel that it’s not the right decision for you then you need to have a frank discussion with dh. After you’ve sorted the house, start thinking about Florida and remember there is no right or wrong way to do it. I would ignore all other holidays until your happy about these two major events. I hope you are able to relax a bit more and your anxiety eases.

[vampiress88]

Originally Posted by Pumpkin Pie

When my children were young I didn’t work and my husband supported us (this was more common then). No way would my husband make all the important decisions - we always made them together and who earned what wasn’t important as we are a team (sorry I know it sounds cheesy).

You say you are not that bothered but on the other hand your original post indicates you are. Did your husband discuss booking the cruises with you?

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Sort of. Basically it’s all the dibbs fault. Something came up on here so I looked at Disney cruises then looked at p&o cos we went on once 5yrs ago. Found two in holidays next year for April and August. He said let’s book August. I thought it was a good price in mid August on our wedding anniversary.
Fast forward a week after I’d been nosying at more cruises (I do like looking at holidays but not really booking them) deal for 7nights to Spain £1000 exactly for all of us. I’ve spent more than that for accommodation and food in Skegness so I agreed good deal.
We then went back to the April 2020 one as I really wanna go Gibraltar,monkeys and great grandad buried there. So he booked that one as a surprise. I found out when I called p&o to add bed guards on for kids. The asked if I wanted it on the other booking queue me saying what booking.
This last one I’m not too happy about. It’s a good deal and it’s to fjords where he’s alway wanted to go (his dad was born in Norway cos of grandad in army) but he wants to go on a skylift and I don’t really like heights.

We shall see. Might cancel some but will lose deposits.

Think it’s anxiety. Just don’t deal well with big decisions and changes.

[MinniMouse]

I’m confused. You posted this 2 weeks ago