When you know who your friends are.

[Gev]

We've had a tough few weeks. DMIL passed away 3 weeks ago and because of the coroner's involvement, the funeral has only happened today. I know they do say that there's nothing like a family even for causing ructions, but I always thought we were a tight knit family. Seems I thought wrong after DBIL's partner deemed herself in charge of the arrangements to the exclusion of everyone else. (DFIL is 87 and very frail). My poor DH even had to phone the undertaker to find out the time of the service because she wouldn't tell us. Today was just awful. DH and I were summarily ignored and left to sit at the back of the chapel. During the service she got up with an armful of roses and gave them out to her family to put on top of the coffin. We ended up leaving before having to suffer them all filing past us on the way out. This woman is on a power trip and has turned DFIL and DBIL against us and we have no idea what we have done. No one will return our calls.
However, while family have deserted us, our friends have been our saviours. One couple took us out for a meal with tea and sympathy and another has phoned a couple of times to make sure we're ok and is coming round tomorrow. It's so sad, I've been crying all afternoon. DH is keeping a stiff upper lip, bless him.
Thanks for listening. I'm getting myself a gin and tonic, now!

[Lisalimetree]

Sorry to hear about your MIL ❤️

There’s never a truer saying you can pick your friends but not your family!

Rise above her and don’t let her see she is upsetting you.

[Rac20]

What a truly awful way to be treated. Good friends are the family that we choose to have and it seems that you have good friends that are looking after you both, thank goodness. Maybe in a few weeks when emotions are not as high you could speak to the family members involved (especially if relations before this were ok) to find out exactly what their problem is. Though I probably would be inclined not to bother. You don’t need such people in your life.
Sending pixie dust your way.

[Taffy1959]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news and I'm absolutely appalled at the way the partner of your brother in law has behaved.
When my in laws passed away I wouldn't have dreamt of interfering at all everything was left to DH his 2 brothers and his sister.
I'm glad you've got such good friends to turn to

[katiec68]

How awful for your family.

I have witnessed the exact same thing with my inlaws family.

When the grandad died - I had only known my (now DH) for 6 months but I went along to the funeral.

FIL has 2 sisters - one did all the arranging and like you they had to ring the crematorium to find out the details
The one that did the arranging didnt tell the vicar about FIL and the other sister and ALSO told the vicar that he only had 2 grandchildren - HERS!
He had 5 other grandchildren and various great grandchildren!

The vicar kept looking over at "our" side of the chapel and FIL had to tell the vicar who he was at the end of the service - the poor vicar was mortified as he didnt have a clue

If it wasnt soo horrible it would have been laughable - and in fact now - 14 years later we can all laugh about it!

Katie x x

[Gev]

It's just such a shame that this woman has blown DH family apart right now. It's also a shame DBIL won't grow a pair.

[marypoppins38]

My sister behaved exactly the same way with me at my dads funeral. Luckily I have an amazing in law family and they were all there to support me along with our lovely friends. Needless to say I now have nothing to do with my sister so have no contact with any of my side of the family. She even went and completely cleared out my dads house without me knowing. The only personal items of his I have to remember him by is one of his old cardigans. My friends and in laws have shown more love and support to me than my own family ever could.

[Cherrypie]

Sorry to hear this and about your MIL.
Have you no inkling whatsoever as to what they perceive you have ‘done’ towards them - not that it justifies this action. Do they feel you’ve not been involved in caring for the in laws or do they feel you’ve taken some of her things to remember her by?
It might be worth finding out if only to clear your names so to say xxx

[Pussycat Doll]

You know what they say... you can choose your friends and not your family. Well my friends are my family! Apart from my auntie Jane who is like a sister to me and a couple of cousins that I am now in touch with after 36 years, I don't have any family! Condolences on your loss, hopefully things can be resolved with your FIL.

[Gev]

Originally Posted by Cherrypie

Sorry to hear this and about your MIL.
Have you no inkling whatsoever as to what they perceive you have ‘done’ towards them - not that it justifies this action. Do they feel you’ve not been involved in caring for the in laws or do they feel you’ve taken some of her things to remember her by?
It might be worth finding out if only to clear your names so to say xxx

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We've 'looked after' his parents for the last 30 years. They didn't drive, so we did the usual shopping, cleaning, they spent Christmases with us and we went on holiday together; we've had some great times. We've been every single weekend for as long as I've known DH. DBIL and her were usually nowhere in sight, calling to see them maybe once a month when he did their garden for them, after he set his own business up.
However when DMIL passed, this woman took over the funeral arrangements completely, shutting us out; and took DFIL to stay at their house. ( which she refers to as "my" house, not "our" house). She has then told everyone who will listen how she is looking after DFIL. We don't have any of DMIL's possessions at all. DBIL texted DH the other night saying " I love you bro, but she hates you". DFIL has fallen out with us, but can't explain why; and our calls are being ignored.