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Old 6 Oct 21, 10:32 AM  
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#61
nolypops83
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The fact that you had sex but couldn't stay over would be a big red flag for me. Especially after 2 months of seeing each other. There's more to this situation than he's letting on (possibly he's married or in a long term relationship) but regardless you've had a lucky escape. He sounds like a dick.
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Old 6 Oct 21, 12:41 PM  
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Pink_Fairy_Dust
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Thanks guys, I know I'm being such a wet blanket. I was quite tipsy and a bit emotional Saturday night which I don't think I've mentioned doing a couple of stupid things on reflection like pulling away from his hug towards end of night when he got dressed in pjs er after and didn't want me staying over so wondering if all that made him think shes too emotional and thats whats making me think he was making plans earlier in night with me but by the end hes been secretly thinking god I need to get rid of her or at least he was put off a bit and didn't think I could do casual... think I'll join in Stoptober, not sure why I even decided wine was a good idea as I know it makes me more emotional.
I am trying to believe that he really has just met someone else and that it would have happened anyway...
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Old 6 Oct 21, 12:53 PM  
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DisneyStacey
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Originally Posted by Pink_Fairy_Dust View Post
Thanks guys, I know I'm being such a wet blanket. I was quite tipsy and a bit emotional Saturday night which I don't think I've mentioned doing a couple of stupid things on reflection like pulling away from his hug towards end of night when he got dressed in pjs er after and didn't want me staying over so wondering if all that made him think shes too emotional and thats whats making me think he was making plans earlier in night with me but by the end hes been secretly thinking god I need to get rid of her or at least he was put off a bit and didn't think I could do casual... think I'll join in Stoptober, not sure why I even decided wine was a good idea as I know it makes me more emotional.
I am trying to believe that he really has just met someone else and that it would have happened anyway...
You are way overthinking and overanalysing this!
Regardless of whether he met someone else or not - WHO CARES?!
He was not mr perfect.
If he makes you feel that insecure, then he was not the one for you.
One day you will meet someone and you will just feel comfortable and at ease and you wonít feel the need to try and unpick everything that is said and done for a hidden meaning because you will both be on the same page.
If you donít want a casual relationship, why should you be in one just because he does?!
Find someone who actually wants what you want and stop wasting time on losers, youíre so much better than that - but only after youíve spent sometime alone, with yourself.
YOU DO NOT NEED A RELATIONSHIP TO BE HAPPY!
xxx
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Old 6 Oct 21, 01:01 PM  
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Originally Posted by Pink_Fairy_Dust View Post
Thanks guys, I know I'm being such a wet blanket. I was quite tipsy and a bit emotional Saturday night which I don't think I've mentioned doing a couple of stupid things on reflection like pulling away from his hug towards end of night when he got dressed in pjs er after and didn't want me staying over so wondering if all that made him think shes too emotional and thats whats making me think he was making plans earlier in night with me but by the end hes been secretly thinking god I need to get rid of her or at least he was put off a bit and didn't think I could do casual... think I'll join in Stoptober, not sure why I even decided wine was a good idea as I know it makes me more emotional.
I am trying to believe that he really has just met someone else and that it would have happened anyway...
This is not your fault. Trust me heís a first class ≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈. No matter what happened in Saturday night he was already messaging women waiting for something else to come along. He had no respect for you whatsoever.

Iíve dated men like these and they nearly broke me. Then out the blue my Prince Charming came along. I could instantly tell he was different by his profile alone. After our first date as weíd agreed to see each other again he told me he was suspending his dating account. And true to his word other than to close it down after us being together for a few months he never went on it again or set up another date. 15 months later we are madly in love and heís restored my faith in men.

You will know when itís right. It shouldnít be forced to see each other.
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Old 6 Oct 21, 01:14 PM  
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To be honest I would expect a relationship to be exclusive after 2 months unless it was just causal dating. There is nothing wrong with causal dating as long as both parties are happy with it but it sounds like you are wanting a relationship. In this case, he was not the guy for you because you didnít want the same things. I would take a break for now and work out what you want. You donít need a relationship to be happy and you need to be happy in yourself first. Donít blame yourself for everything that goes wrong or doesnít work out.

You need to be clear of what you want and make that clear to anyone you see. If you want an exclusive relationship, say so. If they donít then you donít want the same things and it wonít work.

My partner had been casually dating before he met me. We chatted for several weeks online and video chats before we met. We had got on very well whilst chatting and once we met he asked me to be his girlfriend and we became exclusive. 18 months down the line he has moved nearly 100 miles to be with me and we live together.
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Old 6 Oct 21, 04:12 PM  
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I guess it just feels like it matters if he really has met anyone else then at least it hasn't just been me being too full on Sat night thats put him off, though I guess in a way it might have been the deciding factor...oh dear just thought of that but surely not...

I did feel comfortable around him I'm just an insecure person and I always have been, I'm only really unpicking as I was so happy when I was with him so feel devestated and that feeling is always worse for me when I think I have contributed to getting/keeping the thing I really want.

I honestly do know I can be happy without a man but I have been single two and a half years and I would really rather not be. I'm completely over my ex of ten years. Although this guy said that he wasn't sure what he wanted initially and had never said we were official or anything I had felt we would at least continue as we were longer... things were good apart from not being able to stay over and it was more me working around his schedule and activites.

I do want an exclusive relationship but I know guys like to take things slowly sometimes and I thought that was maybe what we were doing as he always said not yet about staying over which made me think he would want to soon...

I know it doesn't make him seem like a nice guy but he honestly was when we were together...
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Old 6 Oct 21, 04:23 PM  
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Have you thought about counselling to work on your self esteem ? I have no doubt that he was nice when you were together. But it really does sound like he was being nice to someone else when you were not together. If you are a genuine needy person (as you describe it) then the perfect partner would accept you as you are. You cannot live your life trying to be who you are not and guessing whether something you did or didnít do suddenly changes someoneís opinion of you. That is why i suggest speaking to someone - work out who you are then work out what you want. A long term relationship cannot work when one person makes all the compromises and Ďactsí how the other person wants them to be. You will exhaust yourself and you will never be sure they are with you for the real you.
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Old 6 Oct 21, 04:30 PM  
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I agree with the poster above - the right guy for you will be thrilled that youíre keen and want to spend time with him - and trust me heíll go out of his way to make that happen!
Please donít try to change yourself to please someone else - if you have to do that, they arenít right for you!
Casual flings are fine when both of you are looking for the same thing, but not when 1 wants more commitment - you need to be honest with what you are looking for and donít settle for less!
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Old 6 Oct 21, 06:39 PM  
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Itís annoying he didnít really explain much beyond what he said about starting seeing someone and we canít see each otherÖ think that would have helpedÖ..
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Old 6 Oct 21, 06:47 PM  
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Originally Posted by Pink_Fairy_Dust View Post
Itís annoying he didnít really explain much beyond what he said about starting seeing someone and we canít see each otherÖ think that would have helpedÖ..
You would only have tortured yourself over what he said.
I know itís difficult, but you donít need to find blame with yourself over why things didnít work out.
When you find ďmr perfectĒ, youíll be able to be 100% unapologetically yourself (without needing to worry that you said/did something that may/may not have put him off).
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