So I told my girlfriend

[cartoonp]

In a court in Killarney, deep in Munster, Ireland, this conversation is reported to have taken place: Lawyer: 'At the scene of the accident, Mr O'Shea, did you tell the Garda officer that you had never felt better in your life?' O'Shea the farmer: 'That's right, sir.' Lawyer: 'Well then, Mr O'Shea, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's car hit your cart?' O'Shea the farmer: 'When the Garda arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Darcy, my dog, who was badly hurt, and shot him. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?' I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say: 'I've never felt better in my life.'

[cartoonp]

Soon after O'Shaugnessy clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. When O'Shaugnessy returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if it was bad news. 'To be shure it was, Boss', he replied, 'I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning.' 'Gosh, that's awful, 'replied the foreman, 'Do you want the rest of the day off?' 'No', replied O'Shaugnessy. 'I'll finish the day out.' About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him in the office. This time when O'Shaugnessy returned he looked twice as glum, and the foreman asked if everything was alright. 'Bejeezuz Boss, its even worse news. That was my brother, and his mother died today too!'

[cartoonp]

An Irishman was flustered about not being able to find a parking space.
“Lord,” he prayed, “I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday.”
Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot.
Without hesitation, the man said, “Never mind, I found one.”

[cartoonp]

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, “Are you on foot or in the car?”
Billy says, “In the car.”
Paddy says, “That's the quickest way.”

[Mr Tom Morrow]

An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the river when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock.

The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.

"What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile.

The elephant answers, "That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago."

The crocodile says, "And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory."

"Yep," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."



I tried ordering fishing gear on Amazon, but it was a scam
It was Click Bait!

[cartoonp]

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.
Paddy says to Mick, “If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both.”

[Mr Tom Morrow]

[cartoonp]

The wife said ...she wanted a word..i said go on...well. she said i was drinking way too much. And said i shud stop altogether.. well .. i was shocked... didnt even no i had a wife...

[cartoonp]

[cartoonp]

Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. The only way you ll see a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an M&M.