Help with the way husband is feeling

[Guest]

I've started a new account to post this on as I didn't feel right using my usual one.

My DH has been on medication(Fluoxitine) for depretion for about 18 mths now and I thought it was helping but the last week has just been like hell, he is so withdrawn and down and just wants to be alone and near nobody not just me he doesn't even really want to be near our boys either. He went to the dr on tues and it was a new one and he gave him tablets for anxiety(Bedranol SR). I know i'm not a dr but I really don't think it's anxiety he has got I really feel as though his depression is back.
He has said that he loves me but isn't in love with me anymore and doesn't feel as though he wants to be with me and although I'm heartbroken I'm trying to support him thruogh this both for him and our boys and partly because I believe that once he gets help for his depression we may with alot of time and work be able to work it out together.
He is not just my DH but my best friend too and it's killing me to see him like thise and not be able to help him.
I don't know why I'm putting this on here, not sure if I want advice to hear that I'm being stupid or to hear that others know how I'm feeling but somehow I'm hoping that it will help to open up to you lot

[sharlu]

First of al ((((((hugs))))))). Sounds like you need some support too.

I am not sure what advice I can give but I would encourage him to return to the doctors. I am not a doctor but it sounds like he is still suffering in some way.

Do you have a good relationship with your doctor. He/She might be able to give you invaluable advice if you feel able to discuss your concerns with them.

Hope things improve for you both.

[stitcher3000]

Sending you lots of hugs, as the above post has suggested, get him back to your usual doctor & go from there. It sounds as though now really is not the time for your DH to be making such huge decisions as (i am no doc either but) it could be the depression is back & that is such a very lonely dark place. Contrary to what he currently thinks he does need a good solid support system around him. I hope & pray you all get through this together x x

[KAY-Partyof5]

Hi. ((((((((((((((((((((Big hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you.
This time last year, I was suffering from depression and anxiety. I didn't particularly want my husband close to me either, and didn't think I would ever feel normal or close to him again. I was wrong and I can't believe how different I feel now and how strong our marriage continues to be. I took citalopram which can be used to treat both anxiety and depression. I know you don't think it is anxiety, but often these conditions are interlinked and medication can help with both, so please do give it a chance. I also started to exercise again and spoke to a nurse counsellor, as most of the time medication itself isn't enough. Is your husband seeking any other kind of help or support for his condition?
My heart goes out to you, as I know it wasn't easy for my husband to go through, but he did and we came out the other side stronger.
Please make sure you look after yourself. Do you have anyone you can talk to, and perhaps a hobby so that you can get time for yourself away fro everything too? From my own experience, I would say that it is possible to save a relationship, but I don't think right now when he is struggling so badly with his depression is the right time to make any hard and fast decisions. Good luck xxxx

[°o°-Hannah-°o°]

this is exactly how our lives used to be, it was horrendous and so frustrating to have to sit by and watch... we have photos of our children with their daddy and he just looks so withdrawn and sad its awful

we were given the details of a group called MHCO, i dont know if you have them in your area but we had a referal from our doctor... best thing he can do is find a gp hes comfortable talking with and make sure its always them that he sees or speaks with

it may also be that hes on the wrong medication, fluoxitine didnt work for dh either and hes on something new now and things have picked up. it does take a while for the new drugs to take full affect so dont give up on them yet

huge hugs for you, it is so hard and frustrating to be the partner of someone suffering depression - the power of positive thinking works wonders, having something to look forward to and just give him loads of reassurance that things will be ok and both of you need to keep talking

use the dibb to talk if and when you need to as its important that you dont bottle it all up, ive been there and found a great deal of friendly advice and willing ears

[Guest]

Thanks for the replies, I know that I need to keep positive so that I can be there for him but I'm really struggleing today, feel so low myself and tired as I'm not really sleeping much, worried about myself too as I'm on meds for pnd and my 7mth old is teething and unwell so not sleeping great, amazing what a huge cuddle from my 4 yr old can do though, better than and meds out there.

[minimandymouse]

I wanna come and give you a hug

[Guest]

Hi, I'm a sufferer of depression and not ashamed of it so I will try and offer some advice from my side.

Firstly I would say as others have that try and get him back to see your original Dr. He /she knows the situation from the start.

It may be your dh meds need to be upped or changed, from experience the Dr may up the dose first rather than put your dh on something new.

Councilling is a 'must' imo. The Dr can usually refer your dh to a psycho therapist who are trained to deal with mental health matters, they are the best and are there for the purpose of helping patients like your dh. They will teach him methods of positive re-inforcement, breathing techniques to help him relax and to talk about how he can replace irrational negative thoughts with positive rational ones. (Its harder than it sounds when you are depressed).

I feel for you as I have seen my dh support me over the years and I know its not easy.

TRY and make some time for yourself also, as your well-being and mental health are also very important at this time.

Can you leave your dh alone with the kids without worrying? I know it may be the last thing you want to do but even if you just pop into town with a friend for coffee, try and do that.

Pm me if you need an ear.

[Guest]

The original dr has left now so thats not an option but he has agreed to try and make an appt with another dr on mon and hopefully they are a little more interested and understanding so he can open up a bit more.

[Guest]

Just sending you a big {{{hug}}} to let you know you are not alone.

My DH has suffered for years with anxiety and depression and recently had a relapse into another serious depressive episode. I've found it very hard to cope with him as well as all the other family dramas and stresses. He takes citalopram and it does help, he's still on a waiting list for counselling. I think your DH needs to see a different GP (ask if there is one in the practice who has a special interest in mental health) to get some medication which will help him and ask for a referral for counselling so he can work through his issues in a safe and non-judgemental situation and find some coping strategies he is able to use.

It can be very difficult to talk things through together when one of you is not thinking clearly so maybe try counselling together when DH feels better. In the meantime try to find someone you can talk to as well when you need to offload. It can be an awful strain living with someone who is depressed and you also need to take care of yourself.