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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:11 PM  
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Jan
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Funerals and not having one

I have been to a funeral this morning and it set me thinking. I really donít want a funeral for me. I donít want people to be teary-eyed and upset. I would just like the wake afterwards. Is it possible not to have one and how does that work?


PS I know I ask some rather odd questions!
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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:19 PM  
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munmun
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Originally Posted by Jan View Post
I have been to a funeral this morning and it set me thinking. I really donít want a funeral for me. I donít want people to be teary-eyed and upset. I would just like the wake afterwards. Is it possible not to have one and how does that work?


PS I know I ask some rather odd questions!
You know I agree, for me I dont want a funeral.

However, I also understand that funerals are not for the dead they are for those left behind. A way of saying goodbye, a time when you can weep if you want, a time for people to come together to discuss the life that's gone.

So, I will be happy with whatever is done with me, if my family want a funeral that's fine but if they dont that's fine too.
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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:22 PM  
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When I mentioned to my family that I would really think about donating my body to science etc, they were horrified! Not sure why, because once your gone you are gone! Would definitely want a wee do afterwards for everyone.
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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:22 PM  
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Originally Posted by Jan View Post
I have been to a funeral this morning and it set me thinking. I really donít want a funeral for me. I donít want people to be teary-eyed and upset. I would just like the wake afterwards. Is it possible not to have one and how does that work?


PS I know I ask some rather odd questions!
I totally understand where you are coming from and I would actually love to do the same. To go to a funeral is not nice and I would do anything to save my Daughter from having to go to mine. I have even told her that if she doesn't want to go then I don't blame her. Also, don't waste any of my money letting me go in style, just send me on my way in the cheapest way possible
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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:25 PM  
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BnDamo
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No you do not have to have a funeral, David Bowie didnít .
Thereís an interesting article about it here bbc/news/magazine-35812014

As an atheist I feel similar to you Jan. However, I did attend a humanist (non religious) funeral a few years ago. It was held at the local crematorium but was more of a celebratory type gathering and I found it much more comforting that the ďtypicalĒ religious service.
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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:25 PM  
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I donít want a funeral or a wake afterwards Iím not paying for a party I canít go to
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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:29 PM  
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duchy
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Iím torn as I donít actually want one but I know my husband wouldnít feel he had done ďrightĒ by me if there wasnít one.
I also believe funerals are for the living and to trigger the start of closure .
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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:35 PM  
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One of our relatives left his body to science. It was hard for his family as they felt they were left in limbo not knowing for ages when or where they could have a funeral. In the end they had to travel a long way and it was quite a difficult occasion.

I think if anyone wants to do this, go for it but please discuss everything with your family first.

I am a bit blase about funerals I guess, as my dad is a retired vicar. Iíve gone to many since being very young, and played the organ for many too. I find while they are often hard for the family, the absence of one can be harder as there is no sense of closure.

Many people have a celebration of the personís life rather than a funeral - that might be something to consider.
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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:36 PM  
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DH and me feel differently. To him a good send off is one with as many people attending as possible. To me itís a private, family and close friends affair.
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Old 26 Oct 20, 03:37 PM  
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I donít want my family to waste money on one, my husband refuses to discuss it, knowing his feelings Iíd have a funeral for him if he goes first and if I go first Iíll have to leave it up to him...
Personally I sooner they had the wake without the funeral... can be done easily, thereís adverts on afternoon tv...
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