Punishment/s for children

[Cherrypie]

You should stick to your guns but I’d never chose a missing a party as punishment- unless plenty of notice it’s not fair in the party hosts. If it’s because you weren’t well enough to rake them then that’s a different matter x

[mandco]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

I am so poorly and I don’t know if I’m over reacting or not.

It’s a 6yr old party today. My 5 and 3 year old are supposed to be going. It’s a trek to get there for us now we live somewhere else and to be honest I really don’t wanna do small talk when I feel like this so not sure if this is what’s clouding my judgement.

My eldest was a pain last night having tantrums and I said unless you book your ideas up your not going. The youngest was good yesterday.

This morning and they start again. Fighting as usually over everything. Things as simple as a bib. I told them they will have two warnings and if I have to tell them a third time then that will be it.

I think I gave them more warnings than two but I am trying as I don’t like them missing out.

They have just gotten dressed into party clothes and got told to tidy up. Eldest has snatched the toys off the littlest and so littlest has retaliated by throwing something that has hit my radiator.

That was the last straw. Sent them to rooms for time out and told them no party.
Your a horrible mummy ruining the party etc is what the eldest is crying now.

I am just so poorly and wish hubby was here to have them so I could just go back to bed.

Hubby says stick to my guns and not take them. I just feel awful that I’m ruining things for them.

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I know you decided to miss the party but personally I do think it was a little unfair. However its different to say that now from here than it was to be making that decision in your situation at the time it happened.
Your not well and that always makes thing seem so much worse but you set unrealistic targets and changed your mind on the consequences plus they were trying to do what you asked they just dealt with it badly. its really really hard to find the right balance of actions & consequences but if your not living up to your end of it it just means in future they are less likely to bother trying.
You told them yesterday be good today or you can't go tomorrow- the youngest did as you asked but still didn't get to go.

They were being difficult this morning but was it really any worse than any other day or did it just seem that way because you are not well? I know I have far less patience and things bug me far more when I'm not feeling great. They got ready and you asked them to tidy up they tried the eldest just got a bit carried away probably because they were excited and just wanted it done so they could go the youngest took offence to how the older one tried to get it done and an accident occurred it wasn't deliberate and to me that makes a big difference when it comes to consequences.

I do agree with following through on what you have said actions have consequences and it is an important lesson they need to learn but you do need to make your expectations consistent, fair, time appropriate and achievable.
The other really important thing is to stick to what you say if you say 2 warnings then there will be a consequence but you don't follow through every time how are they meant to know when you really mean it? I am guilty of letting it slip at times but I know when I do there is soon an obvious difference in their behaviour though now they are older the threat of no wifi usually does the trick

I would sit them down later and explain why they didn't get to go today and acknowledge that you know they did try at times but on this occasion because you were not feeling well you did not think it was appropriate to take them. You haven't ruined anything and they will get over not going. You did what you felt was best given the circumstances and how you were feeling at the time which is all any of us can do.

I hope your feeling better soon

[DisneyDaffodil]

As others have said, I wouldn’t have used the party as a threat as it’s unfair to the child whose party it is. However we have all said these things when we feel unwell and kids have been playing up so don’t feel bad about it. I would have gone back on my threat telling my child it was only because you don’t want to let the other family down. I would then impose a new punishment (although I hate that word) such as straight to bed after the party or no computer/game system etc for 24/48 hours.

It’s hard looking after small children when you feel unwell, can your DH help out or maybe the grandparents? I also have always explained to my children if I don’t feel well and asked them to play quieter or try not to argue as it doesn’t help mummy feel better. I think it’s important to teach children to consider others from a young age. I have also apologised for being snappy if I’ve lost my temper because I’m ill and explained why. I hope you feel better soon xx

[Nicksgirl]

I'm not here to criticise you, we all do what we think is right at the time and probably in a few days everything will be forgotten. Just wish you better.
x

[P.Sherman]

Poor you, sounds like you've had a rough couple of days, hope your DH is home soon to do a shift with the kids. I think you have made absolutely the right decision both for yourself and the kids. You obviously aren't feeling upto a kids party. You gave them several warnings they didn't change their behavior so now they are not going to the party, tough love maybe but I bet they behave well next time they have a party to go to.

xxx

[ClaireNJ]

Think you did the right thing, I would’ve done the same

[magickate]

If they're old enough to understand the warnings you gave and old enough to understand that actions have consequences I wouldn't have took them to them party.

My daughter missed a skating competition after I repeatedly said she wouldn't be going if she didn't change her attitude, she was older though. more like 10 I think. She never did it again!

[Princess Alison]

I also think you made the right choice. Sometimes you need to consider yourself too, and I fully understand how awful a prospect it can be making small talk with other parents, especially after a stressful morning.

I would try and get a good nights sleep and think about what you might do that is enjoyable as a family tomorrow XX

[lemon-squeeze]

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world add in feeling unwell and lack of sleep makes it feel impossible at times.
You are doing the best job you can while feeling unwell, don't let anyone including yourself say you are not.

[vampiress88]

They were better behaved once everyone had calmed down. We all sat down and had a talk. They both apologised which is good as they know not to behave like that. Most things I can deal with but throwing toys in the room and they had been pushing and hitting on one of the warnings and timeouts this morning these are what gets to me most. Normal tantrums I can deal with. We all made sandwiches together for lunch and they helped make dinner too and were lots better this afternoon.
I think this is because there is a party in two weeks bowling and they don’t want to miss that one.

Hubby can’t really help. They are asking him to do lots of training at work and as he is the main earner then he has to do what he can. I’ve booked off work so that he can go unfortunately that means he’s worked got 9 shifts on. One day off. Then one more training. I have to then go back to work. We don’t have much help with the kids. Most family don’t offer and it’s always seemed like an inconvenience to my in laws most times we asked so we just try to do it just us.