Advice please on sickness leave and bereavement.

[mrsnicola]

Hi
Sorry bit of a long one.. my mum has been given a terminal illness diagnosis of 12 months 9 months ago, she has lung and brain cancer. She’s been living with us since leaving hospital in February so it’s been quite challenging as she has had lots of treatments however is now receiving palliative care. She’s 64. My dad had been poorly over Easter but was managing at home on medications etc.. but suddenly passed away on the 30th August completely out of the blue. He was 70. I’m an only child so having to deal with this alone (my husband/friends) have been amazing. Dad lived in a council flat and I handed the keys back this morning and feel so sad. I’ve been so busy clearing it I haven’t had chance to actually think of him dying.. I know that sounds silly. Anyway I will come to the point... I was due back in work on the 5/9 as I work in a school so after the summer holidays. I have a sick note until Wednesday 25/9. I really don’t want to take the mick with work and they told me to take as much time as I need but when do you think I should go back? Is it best to just go back and get on with it I’m not sure what to do. Any advice would be great xx

[Cherrypie]

So sorry - how terrible for you - I’m not sure re the leave - maybe try and go back and see how you feel as you might need some time to be with your mum in the future - take care xx

[Bootrip2]

I think that you still probably need some time to process this, losing one parent is hard enough, but you are dealing with both of your parent being seriouly ill/passing away. I would go and discuss with your GP, who i am sure will provide you with support you may need. Big hugs to you. X

[arielrocks]

I can only advise how I was after my dad died suddenly when I was 24. I had 2 weeks off work, went back and thought I was fine. It didn’t hit me till a few months later and I fell apart. Grief is a strange thing and I don’t think anyone’s journeys are the same. You could go back and see how you feel but only you will know.

I’m very sorry for your loss x

[Blue nose]

I'm so sorry for your loss and the situation you are in with your mum.

The doctors note allows you to be off until that date or to ask for longer if your still not ready by then. Also if you feel up to it you can choose to go back anytime sooner. You don't need "signing back".

Each of us is different.

I lost my dad suddenly in May. I took two weeks off "sick" and a weeks annual leave because it was already booked. I even worked some odd days during that first two weeks although looking back I'm not sure how of why I did. I then went back in 3 weeks later full time, full duties. I've cried a lot in work, had to dodge some meetings and took breaks when required but for me the distraction of work has helped. If I wasn't in work I'd be sat home crying and thinking.

My sister took about 6 weeks sick, then took a phased return and even now can't do full duties.

Neither of us right or wrong.

What I'm trying to say is do what is right for you. No one will judge you for whatever you decide.

Take care x

[Disneycraft]

I don’t have any advice but wanted to say sorry for your loss and all you are dealing with x

[meboo]

As others have said, we are all different. My mum was in hospital / hospice for her last 3 months and I carried on working. It gave me some sanity. Yes, I did cry at work but everyone was supportive and I did find it a distraction. She also lasted a lot longer than anticipated so I couldn’t have had all that time off. Again, like others said, it really hit me a few months later. I needed a bit of time then to regroup, but still, for me, found that working was better than not

[tspill]

Going back to work too early can be the worst thing. I would say work with your GP to decide what is best to go back. Everyone is different. I once had a manager who only took the funeral day off (I found that strange). But had a friend who had some depression allowing the death of his father and he was off nearly six months. So it can vary a lot depending on the person.

[wendy7654]

Please don’t rush back you’ve had a shock with your dad and also looking after your mum. My dad passed away over 3 years ago ( feb 16 ) suddenly and it took me until at least September to be right at work, went back after 5 weeks but had the inquest to face and ending up taking more time off, gp was happy to sign me off and I had counselling when returning back to work.
Look after yourself and take whatever time you need x

[vowels]

Please speak with your husband then go back and speak with your GP about how you feel.

If you are not up to working, do not feel forced to return this month. Your work will understand.

I wish you well. ❤