My deepest respect for working families

[klr15]

I grew up in a single parent household with my mum working upwards of 40 hours a week and I really admire my mum for it. I work full time now (without children) and always feel the days are too short, couldn’t imagine being a single parent too.

I used to go to a childminder, be dropped off at about 7am, they’d take me to school and pick me up from school, then my dad (who didn’t work) would pick me up and take me to my mum’s at about 5:30 (he couldn’t/wouldn’t do anymore childcare and he didn’t pay maintenance!) and then my mum would usually get in at about 8 (she worked far away, didn’t drive and often did 12 hour shifts) and then my dad would leave. This was the routine from me being 6-11.

From 11 onwards I just took myself to high school and spent the evenings out or home alone (cooked my own tea and did some washing and bits).

We struggled to get by, even with her working actually, but I feel like she needed to work for her own sanity and mental health, I think she and all the other working parents and actually just parents in general are strong people!

[princess allie]

I work in a school and see the problems that some families face. It’s certainly not easy. I was lucky to be a stay at home mum when mine were really little and I gave up a good job before I had my first. My dh and I made the decision to stay in our first 3 bed home and not upgrade to something bigger/better and to not have a second car etc., we also miss out on some social events to economise. It’s not a decision that everyone can make and is also hard in some ways in itself. But I wanted to be able to take my kids to school and collect them and be at home during the holidays. When one of my friends had 2 kids at nursery, she was actually making very little money after paying the fees, but wanted to keep her position for when they were older. It suited her, but I would not have done it if I was in her position. I think what I am trying to say, very badly, is that everyone’s situation is different and that parents these days do have to juggle and make hard choices or sacrifices, whether they work or stay at home.

[marypoppins38]

We were in a very fortunate position when ours were young for me to stay at home with them. I really don't know what we would have done if that hadn't been possible as we had no grandparents that were able to help on a regular basis and being a small village school, no breakfast or after school clubs (although they do now). I take my hats off to parents that juggle it all nowadays, it must be so stressful and a balance between providing for your child to have the best life possible and being for them as much as you can. its certainly not an easy balance. Its such a shame that there aren't better provisions for this in this country. I don't know what the answer would be...whether more flexible working for parents or extended hours childcare provisions. I just feel as a nation we are missing a trick somewhere as not everyone can afford nannies or au pairs.

[Tinkerbell]

Originally Posted by princess allie

I work in a school and see the problems that some families face. It’s certainly not easy. I was lucky to be a stay at home mum when mine were really little and I gave up a good job before I had my first. My dh and I made the decision to stay in our first 3 bed home and not upgrade to something bigger/better and to not have a second car etc., we also miss out on some social events to economise. It’s not a decision that everyone can make and is also hard in some ways in itself. But I wanted to be able to take my kids to school and collect them and be at home during the holidays. When one of my friends had 2 kids at nursery, she was actually making very little money after paying the fees, but wanted to keep her position for when they were older. It suited her, but I would not have done it if I was in her position. I think what I am trying to say, very badly, is that everyone’s situation is different and that parents these days do have to juggle and make hard choices or sacrifices, whether they work or stay at home.

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I’m afraid many families do not even have the choice to make sacrifices. Many families have to have two incomes coming in and still have no Holidays etc. My daughter is the only breadwinner she gets no financial support from either his father or the state.

[Guest]

I hope your dd can change the heads mind. I can’t believe their attitude and told her to change schools.

I have 2 children 11 & 6. I’m fortunate to have a husband who works hard and long hours for pretty poor pay for London wages. I’m currently going into my 2nd yr at uni. I have worked all through my children’s lives. I’m also so fortunate to have retired parents.
I’m at uni 3 days a week, volunteering at a zoo for 2 days. My parents do 3 school pickups, breakfast club 3 times a week then I have my sons tutoring twice a week, his Jiu Jitsu twice a week, dd’s swim lesson and a dance lesson. It’s full on. Once the kids are in bed I do my uni work. I have no life but need must if I want to change career.
I have many single parent friends and I’m sure it’s much tougher for them.

[munmun]

Originally Posted by marypoppins38

We were in a very fortunate position when ours were young for me to stay at home with them. I really don't know what we would have done if that hadn't been possible as we had no grandparents that were able to help on a regular basis and being a small village school, no breakfast or after school clubs (although they do now). I take my hats off to parents that juggle it all nowadays, it must be so stressful and a balance between providing for your child to have the best life possible and being for them as much as you can. its certainly not an easy balance. Its such a shame that there aren't better provisions for this in this country. I don't know what the answer would be...whether more flexible working for parents or extended hours childcare provisions. I just feel as a nation we are missing a trick somewhere as not everyone can afford nannies or au pairs.

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I worked for a few years in a science based environment, many of the mums there were working for pretty much nothing after child care costs but they needed to continue their research or loss their field of work forever.

[vampiress88]

Some days I feel lucky others not so much.

We have no childcare but me and hubby. Don’t talk to my family anymore and his family will do something begrudgingly if asked but don’t really ever want to or ask to.

I only work 16 hours and I think I’m lucky in that I have my shifts around my husbands as we don’t then have to do any school clubs or childcare but that comes with a downside. When he’s here I’m at work and when I’m here he’s gone. There are a few days here and there when we are off together but the children are at school so we get 1 day every 12 weeks where it falls that all 4 of us are off work and school.
I think I could not work and we would manage but that would just be scraping and we did that for so many years. Other issue is that if I left and returned it wouldn’t be for the same amount of money. I get a high per hour wage for the menial job I do.

Hubby works both days and nights so we will either see him from 6.30pm or from 4-5pm on nights. When the kids go to bed at 7 it’s not really good on days he’s working so on those days I pretty much just do everything on my own. It’s how it has to be.

What has got my goat currently (and I know schools are underfunded) we get 30 hours for 3yr old to go to nursery but as she is in the same school as eldest so we can work school runs we have to pay £2per day which isn’t much but it still adds up per year as they are charging to stay at lunchtime that isn’t within the 30hours. Just feel likes it’s another way to penalise working families to be honest.

[soooexcited!]

Working and bringing up a family is a tough job for single and two parent families.
I've always worked went back after extended leave with both mine. I managed (just about) with very little help from my ex husband who worked away Monday to Friday all our married life. As a single parent with two children then 9 & 12 it was mighty hard. I juggle two jobs, still do. It's got easier as they've got older. Childcare costs were crippling during the summer months I had very little left from my nurses pay. Rare help from family as most worked or lived away. The one thing I dreaded most was when they were ill. The guilt of being made to feel like I should be at work while my priority was my sick child. The constant juggling. My daughter doesn't often say too much but a few times she's written about how strong I am and how proud she is to call me Mum. Brought me to tears. I hope I've given both my children a positive attitude to work and getting the best out of a situation but it's been hard at times.

[DiszeeBelle]

I've worked since my eldest was 1 (she's 16 now) and I actually found it easier working haha full time mum lark was hard. I'm joking. I was lucky I had my parents and my grandparents to help me in the earlier years. My hubby started to work away when youngest was 18months old and I found it really hard at first but got into a routine with again my parents help. I did decrease my hours so I started when school started and finished when school finished (I work in schools) and did that for 7years. He moved home fully when the eldest started secondary. My kids did all the club's which was hard gettin them there and I missed seeing milestones and the kids asking why I couldn't be there (obviously understand now) I would've given anything to have been able to stay home in the early years but we just couldn't afford it. I was able to go in supply for 4 years and it was fab, going to school events, taking them to school and collecting them but could not sustain it so went back to work full time 4year ago and I worried about how I would get them to school and back so had to fight for place on school bus (they closed the nearest school so go across other side of town). Parents evening has to be arrange with teachers for late appointments and I must say they have been accommodating for me. Hubby can't help as much for school things because his work is not accommodating at all!

It's hard work for all parents but when you see your children succeed it's a great feeling and can think I helped with that.

[loola30]

Originally Posted by soooexcited!

Working and bringing up a family is a tough job for single and two parent families.
I've always worked went back after extended leave with both mine. I managed (just about) with very little help from my ex husband who worked away Monday to Friday all our married life. As a single parent with two children then 9 & 12 it was mighty hard. I juggle two jobs, still do. It's got easier as they've got older. Childcare costs were crippling during the summer months I had very little left from my nurses pay. Rare help from family as most worked or lived away. The one thing I dreaded most was when they were ill. The guilt of being made to feel like I should be at work while my priority was my sick child. The constant juggling. My daughter doesn't often say too much but a few times she's written about how strong I am and how proud she is to call me Mum. Brought me to tears. I hope I've given both my children a positive attitude to work and getting the best out of a situation but it's been hard at times.

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This has genuinely made me teary. You sound like you’ve done a wonderful job x