Custody of a dog after a divorce

[beautybutterfly]

Right, long story short I left my dog with my ex husband when I left him because he wouldn’t let me take him. The dog was in joint names when we bought him and according to Kennel Club he is in joint names. He said he would let me see him and did for about 4 months after we split. Then he decided he couldn’t allow me to see him for a while so he could ‘heal’ and get over me 🤔 so anyway, went along with it because I understood he was hurting.

Between times I’ve asked a couple of times if I can arrange to see the dog and I’ve always been met with a no for one reason or another. Anyway, we had a bit of a breakthrough the other week when I asked and he said He didn’t mind me seeing him but didn’t want my boyfriend seeing him (he now has a girlfriend who has full access to my dog, funny old thing) and he said he would think about the best way for him.

That was 3 weeks ago and I’ve just text to ask if he’s available to let me see the dog on Monday. He replied that he was busy going out with his girlfriend to the seaside, fair one. So I replied with ‘what about Wednesday, Thursday or Friday, I’m off work all week’ and he’s replied with ‘I’ll see’ which has really infuriated me because I feel like he’s trying to play mind games (which incidentally was his favourite thing to do when we were married).

Anyway, I’ve left it at ‘ok well I’ll text you Tuesday and see’ but I was so tempted to really give him a piece of my mind about all this but I don’t want to completely ruin any chance of seeing the dog (if there is indeed any chance at all or whether he’s just playing a game).

On Tuesday I will text and see what his response is But not sure if I have a leg to stand on if he continues to go back on his word and say no.

I’m presuming I can’t now try and legally go for custody of the dog seeing as the divorce is over and nothing was drawn up in that?

Sorry for the waffle, hope someone can help.

[ClaireNJ]

Sorry to hear about the awful situation I would seek legal advice, it’s so sad & seems very petty to me
Good luck x

[beautybutterfly]

Originally Posted by ClaireNJ

Sorry to hear about the awful situation I would seek legal advice, it’s so sad & seems very petty to me
Good luck x

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It is petty I think. And what worries me is I think he’s doing it to keep me begging which just means the emotional abuse he put me through has just extended another 2 years. I could just let go of the dog and forget about him but anyone who’s had a dog will know that’s not easy.

I wanted to see what my chances were seeing as he’s had custody for 2 years, precedent would suggest that a legal route would have little success

[3disneykids]

I hate to say it but I would have to let the dog go and put the energy into your current relationship... have you considered getting another dog ( I know your dog isn't replaceable but it may make you feel better) Giving what you have described I would be reluctant to continue contact with the ex ...sending hugs x

[Mackenzies03]

I gave up my dog when an relationship ended. I was devastated but I knew my ex could offer him a better life and it was only fair. I’ve never seen him since I said goodbye and I have no idea if they still have him. It was really hard but it brought closure and I knew, at the time, it was best for him.

Looking online dogs are treat like furniture in the eyes of the law and it comes down to who pays more towards the dog. It’s not easy and I really feel for you at this time x

[Emmie2016]

This sounds harsh but I'd probably move on. Are you going to do this for the rest of the dogs life? Just doesnt sounds possible.

P.s I would be heartbroken x

[beautybutterfly]

Originally Posted by 3disneykids

I hate to say it but I would have to let the dog go and put the energy into your current relationship... have you considered getting another dog ( I know your dog isn't replaceable but it may make you feel better) Giving what you have described I would be reluctant to continue contact with the ex ...sending hugs x

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I totally see what you’re saying and I often feel guilty for still missing my dog because he’s ultimately part of my old life.

I would love another dog but just don’t think I could do a puppy so it’s a case of waiting for the right rescue to come along.

[beautybutterfly]

Originally Posted by Mackenzies03

I gave up my dog when an relationship ended. I was devastated but I knew my ex could offer him a better life and it was only fair. I’ve never seen him since I said goodbye and I have no idea if they still have him. It was really hard but it brought closure and I knew, at the time, it was best for him.

Looking online dogs are treat like furniture in the eyes of the law and it comes down to who pays more towards the dog. It’s not easy and I really feel for you at this time x

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That’s what I’ve found, in terms of paying - my name is on all the paperwork etc but I think it’s the time that’s passed that would be against me unfortunately.

I sometimes feel like I’m a glutton for punishment with it all but I’m finding it extremely difficult to close it off - absolutely zero to do with him, that was the best decision I ever made to leave him but that little dog was like my baby and I kick myself for not fighting harder when I first left but I just didn’t have the strength to do it

[beautybutterfly]

Originally Posted by Emmie2016

This sounds harsh but I'd probably move on. Are you going to do this for the rest of the dogs life? Just doesnt sounds possible.

P.s I would be heartbroken x

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Yeah I know what you mean, I do feel like a total fool at times because I can’t close it off. I still cry now about missing him which seems totally ridiculous.

Believe me I have tried to move on but I think what I maybe need to do in order to do that is give my ex a piece of my mind (which surprisingly I never did through all the divorce etc) and block his number and try and make that the end of it.

[Mackenzies03]

Originally Posted by beautybutterfly

That’s what I’ve found, in terms of paying - my name is on all the paperwork etc but I think it’s the time that’s passed that would be against me unfortunately.

I sometimes feel like I’m a glutton for punishment with it all but I’m finding it extremely difficult to close it off - absolutely zero to do with him, that was the best decision I ever made to leave him but that little dog was like my baby and I kick myself for not fighting harder when I first left but I just didn’t have the strength to do it

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I could have written this myself.

Time has healed but, I will always have a pang of guilt not knowing if he stayed with my ex and his family or not. He was a rescue so the thought of him ending up back unloved, especially when I would have had him back in a heartbeat and made arrangements so I could keep him, just breaks my heart.