Son wants GF to live with us

[MargaretMouse]

My son is autistic age 24 and last couple years he has been chatting to his GF who lives in America …Oregan. She has visited and they have since got engaged. They desperately want to live together, here in London. I have looked at fiancée visa and then get married and then have extended leave of stay for two half years and then apply again for another two half years. She would then have to pay for NHS obviously. They both have special needs, my son neurological as well as his autistic needs. She is also on the spectrum adhd anxiety etc. The main problem is money ..roughly for the fiancée visa and nhs the extended leave stay etc ..etc comes to about 15 thousand pounds. This is so hard, at moment neither work, due to above issues, but why should people with disabilities not be able to have happiness. Sorry it’s a long post, but does anyone have any ideas how this can work,
Anyone with experience or is there another way…any help please as I. Trying to get help for them.Thanks for any support.

[JAF]

Unfortunately the fiancée visa for this country is one that has split our family. Our son is married and living in New Zealand as they could not get a visa for our dil when they got engaged. Unlike your son and fiancée’s situation she is not disabled but holds a Russian passport, has a good degree (not an ‘ology’) and has always worked hard. Her other skill is she is able to speak several languages fluently including English which is to a much higher standard than a lot of native speakers. In general we do not seem to look at the overall picture but have a narrow field of vision and do not care about families being able to stay together. I hope they are able to sort something out and she is able to settle in this country.

[MargaretMouse]

Thanks so much for answering, it’s so hard and difficult.

[DisneyDaffodil]

It’s such a difficult situation for you and your son Margaret, especially as you are still grieving. I have no knowledge of how a fiancée Visa works but my son lives overseas at the moment and lives with his American girlfriend, he’s said they are considering leaving the country they are in now but don’t feel they could come to the UK as it’s so difficult for his partner to live here.

The extra issues of your son’s fiancée having medical problems that would mean she would need regular medical care, which she’d have to pay for, is also worrying. If neither of them have the funds, how would they manage? Her health care is so important, they would need to ensure they could afford this at least before she came here.

Your son says he wants her to move in, does that mean you would provide a home, food, care for them both? I know you love your son and want what’s best for him but it’s a huge responsibility to take on. Or would they get their own home? Again, would this be possible, financially and with their health needs?

I do hope it all works out for them. I do understand how difficult it is, as my son has no idea how he and his partner are going to be able to move and stay together too which is a worry as they are such a perfect couple and so in love. I wish them, and you, well x

[megaflyer]

If she gets a visa then she pays 5 years NHS upfront and all her medical costs will be covered by that (I cant remember how much my friends pay but it isn’t very much in the grand scheme of things ) - what they did have to prove was regular income and or a sizeable amount in the bank (one is over on a visa for extraordinary global talent/achievement and his husband as spouse) - I guess she may able blue to look for a charity to sponsor or grant ?

[Bootrip2]

Could she not come over for just a month or two and then he go over with her for the same, it might give them a little time to see if it’s going to work out before spending vast sums on visa’s etc?

[Hammerstone]

It's a tough situation. However, my take on it, is she needs to support herself and stump up the reddies, if she wants to make it work. Its not your responsibility.

If they are getting married, that's a big commitment, and ultimately will need to be able to support a normal life in some capacity. If neither work, and she moves here, what then?

Everyone deserves the right to be happy, but sadly with a real world hat on, sometimes that really isn't possible in some situations because of choices made, namely here its having a fiancé living thousands of miles away.

My honest take on it, is if her family cannot contribute, then really you are going to expose yourself to a big financial blackhole, as not just with the whole visa process but everything that's going to go along with supporting an additional family member.

Personally, and don't take this the wrong way, they really should not rush into anything. Of course you want your son to be happy, and rightfully so, but sometimes things aren't possible. I don't know their situation but if neither are going to be working anytime soon, you need to ask yourself where its really going to go. She won't be able to claim any benefits here so again, money talks and it could be a massive stumbling block.

If I was in your position, In the back of my mind I probably would know in the long term its not going to really be viable for a range of reasons, but mostly money, but thats obviously dependant on the work situation. I would encourage maybe a visit so they can continue to see if they really do click, in the nicest sense, but try not to sell the dream so to speak.

[Sandra & co]

They need to spend some time together before rushing into anything my sons wife is Canadian. They both came back from Canada and they had to show they had finances to support them. She has MS and they had to also pay more for NHS treatment, they both work and are saving for a house. We couldn’t support them and you’d have to be the one who pays for everything. If we were rich they’d be no problem xx