Clingy 8 year old

[Hannah]

Does anyone else have a clingy 8 year old (girl)? My daughter is an only child which I guess doesn't help. We go to gymnastics 3x a week and I have started helping there. Trouble is, she is very clingy to me, always coming over to me (we try and put me in a different group to her as I shouldn't really be teaching my own child) and gets upset quite easily there - "someone's pushed in front of me", "I don't want to go on track", and crying etc (she doesn't if I'm not there). I don't really want to stop helping as I really enjoy it but I'm not sure why she is like this. I think I was like this as a child so I can't really blame her! Last night I decided to start doing a reward (rather than a punishment) programme if she went through a session without fussing and crying and being clingy.

Does anyone else have any other suggestions? I don't think she is on the spectrum - she is bright and has lots of friends and is great in social situations. Thank you!

[floridasgirl]

My 9yr old ds can be like this if I'm around. I've stopped staying at drama as he barely joins in if I'm there but just gets on with it otherwise. I think you need to get her leaders at the gym to stop her coming over to you if you are in another group. If she really likes her gymnastics, how about trying saying you will stop taking her with you if she carries on. I would be saying I'm paying for you to do gymnastics, not keep coming over to me!

[Hannah]

Originally Posted by floridasgirl

My 9yr old ds can be like this if I'm around. I've stopped staying at drama as he barely joins in if I'm there but just gets on with it otherwise. I think you need to get her leaders at the gym to stop her coming over to you if you are in another group. If she really likes her gymnastics, how about trying saying you will stop taking her with you if she carries on. I would be saying I'm paying for you to do gymnastics, not keep coming over to me!

See more...

We've tried that with the leaders saying that, but she doesn't always budge! I'm hoping the reward system will work. I thought about a punishment i.e. no tablet the next day, but once it's taken away from her during a session, then she has no reason to not carry on fussing!

[vowels]

My eight year old son is like that. If I help at anything he goes to, he is a limpet. When I am not there, he is is fine. My girls were, sometimes still are, the same.

I think he just does not like sharing mummy's attention. I am a stay-at-home mum so my little darlings get all my attention and when it is diverted elsewhere or, the horror, to someone else they do their best to return to their role as centre of the universe!

I find ruffling their hair, call they mummy's baby and tell them to go and have fun generally works. If not, remind him he is a big boy, does not need me to do whatever he should be doing, when that fails "I love you, but I'm busy doing ### and you should be doing ###."

Your little angel does not want to share her mummy. It's frustrating but sweet.

[Guest]

My niece went through this and more. My brother and sil took her to the GP who said what Vowels just did 😁. Support and reward independent behaviour. My niece really did just grow out of it.

[Hannah]

Thank you all - I will try out all your suggestions xx

[Sandra & co]

My dd when she was young would always hang around me if I helped at the school, I remember a party where she wouldn’t join in and sat on my lap crying. At Ballet the same, kept running over to me. Now at 16 she finds me embarrassing if I breath so she will grow out of it lol! 😁

[FlorayG]

Absolutely stay with reward. Look up TAG teaching it will give you great ideas.
A good way to encourage behaviour that you want is for you to go over to her when she is doing as you want and just tell her how happy you are that she is having fun. When she comes over to you just ignore her. This way you are rewarding immediately when she acts as you want - much better than giving a reward afterwards.
If you do reward after the lesson remember it's not a reward if you say "If you behave I will do X after". That's not a reward, that's a bribe. The reward has to be unexpected and not promised
best of luck

[Floridatilly]

I know you enjoy helping out at gymnastics but I would stop doing it for your daughters confidence. I found with all my three that if I am there, school trip, after school activities etc they hang around me, they get clingy etc. But if I am not there they join in and don’t fuss.
Loads of parents I have chatted with over the years have said the exact same thing.
It’s natural for children to want their parents/loved ones and if they can see them they want them more.
Let your daughter blossom on her own. Through all the right reasons you might be hindering her confidence at gymnastics.
If I could, I would help out in class with my little one but I can’t because he would be constantly coming over to me etc

[ely3857]

Just stand your ground and essentially ignore her moans and groans. Acknowledge she’s spoken but say firmly ‘get back at it’ once she realises you’re not going to pay attention to it it will stop happening. I wouldn’t have even considered a reward for not doing it as that’s rewarding expected behaviour in a normal situation and sets a precedent for expecting treats purely for behaving as is expected.