Funerals and not having one

[Pumpkin Pie]

Originally Posted by storm

I've chosen to have a direct cremation, no funeral takes place & ashes are returned to family. I've put it in writing & made my wishes clear.
Friends & family can gather when they scatter me in the sea . No funeral tea but ice-cream's while they gather & remember me.
No fuss, no press announcements etc.

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That’s what I would like but my ashes scattered from Arthur Seat overlooking Edinburgh (lived here all my life). Simple and no fuss.

[evergreen]

There is an advert on TV at the moment

[NewtoOrlando]

I haven't thought too much about it, but I was fascinated by a natural burial ground near my brother in laws house by Bodmin Moor, thought what a lovely natural way to do it. My MIL passed away last year, she was cremated at the most beautiful crematorium (if there is such a thing) with a huge window overlooking the moors, she would have loved that view, we had no cars, just the hearse which we met at the crem. We had one flower arrangement which was from us, and donations to the Plymouth PDSA from everyone else, then we went to the local pub for a few drinks, back to my sister in laws after where we sat in our jammies eating cake and drinking tea, just as she would have enjoyed. It was just what she would have wanted. My mum wants the same, but dad not so sure, he likes people more than mum so will want something bigger!

[FlorayG]

I've told my executors I want to be plastinated and they should hold the wake until it's all done then I can come back and be propped up in a corner at the party.
They're not sure if I'm joking or not

I'm not joking about the plastination but I think it might be a mite expensive to send me back for the wake as it's only done in Germany. Shame.

When you're dead you're dead and you won't know or care what is done with your body and your money. My mom always said the only thing she was going to regret about dying would be not seeing my sister's face when the will was read.. It was nice to be able to talk freely with her about it; so many older people refuse to consider their end but we all die.

[ROBBOTOO]

My cousin very sadly died a couple of weeks ago and my aunt and uncle had a pure cremation for him. They want the same for themselves and so does my mum.

I can understand the concept but think it's much harder during these times as family and friends can't gather to do something else to celebrate his life and also say goodbye together, which I think is what people would usually do instead of attending the actual funeral.

[Pumpkin Pie]

I am divided on this with the comments on a funeral is for the living. When my FIL died (he was my husbands step-dad) my MIL discussed nothing with anyone and proceeded to arrange a funeral which we all knew my FIL would have hated (won’t go into details but religion was involved).

It shocked several people so much that later on they told us they had put their wishes on their funeral into writing as they would not want that done to them. His side of the family never spoke to her again.

My MIL made the funeral all about her (nothing unusual in that).

[Posiesmum]

Neither my father nor my mother had a funeral. For my dad I did miss it and found the lack of closure hard - he died quite suddenly. My mother was determined (quite aggressively) not to have a funeral. Looking back, it was certainly the beginnings of her dementia. My mother died after a long span of time in a care home - frankly she had ‘gone’ long before she died. We didn’t have a funeral, just a private cremation. She had no living friends, and we are a very small family so there seemed little point. When you arrange a non funeral option the director will tell you the time and place of the cremation so you can stop and think at the time. However, we were told we couldn’t attend the crematorium, but were welcome to sit in the garden of remembrance. This worked well.
We did attend a humanist funeral for my husbands cousin. The ceremony was lovely and she was laid to rest in a forest setting. I think this is what I’d like.

[Guest]

My late husband and I had this talk when he was ill.

I hate funerals and only ever went to one, never again.

We decided on a private interment and that's what we did. Only my daughter and I went, we picked out two of his favourite pieces of music and it went fine.

His family weren't happy and had their own memorial service which was fine by me, I hasten to add none of his family had much input all the way through and visits were as rare as hen's teeth during the eight years he was ill. One of the last things my husband said on the matter was he didn't want his mother to make his funeral about her. How sad was that?

She did but my daughter and I didn't have to see it.

I'll be doing the same when my time comes.

[Pumpkin Pie]

Originally Posted by Cuxi

My late husband and I had this talk when he was ill.

I hate funerals and only ever went to one, never again.

We decided on a private interment and that's what we did. Only my daughter and I went, we picked out two of his favourite pieces of music and it went fine.

His family weren't happy and had their own memorial service which was fine by me, I hasten to add none of his family had much input all the way through and visits were as rare as hen's teeth during the eight years he was ill. One of the last things my husband said on the matter was he didn't want his mother to make his funeral about her. How sad was that?

She did but my daughter and I didn't have to see it.

I'll be doing the same when my time comes.

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Didn’t want to like this post but totally understand what you mean.

[Saratoska]

I would like a funeral (buriel) but not have the hangers on