Just not coping ?

[Snowball24]

I really feel Im drowning day by day. To cut a long story short dh snapped tendons and ligaments in his ankle Dec 2019. Had surgery July 2020 and that didnt work, so had a complete tendon transfer and reconstruction 1st March this year. He cannot bear weight and in bed most days atm as too hard for him to get about and do the stairs. I am feeling so down, its hard as he cant do much so im getting the food & drink, trying to keep him going mentally etc as he is struggling that way & very very bored.

Problem is Im struggling so bad I keep crying over the tiniest things. Trying to stay positive for him and the kids but secretly im falling apart.

He hasnt been able to work for so long and im earning everything on my own, had to go on a payment plan for debts as couldnt pay the loans and card myself, mortgage is on reduced for now.

I know it will get better as he should be recovered in maybe 6 months and walking a little but life feels so hard, dont want to tell my mum and worry her so I act cheerful and say all is ok.

[macdonald]

im so sorry to hear this!...life can be so difficult at times and trust me you are not alone in the way you are feeling!.Things will definitely get better for you both and trust me your be planning your hols again, so please keep your chin up, you can always chat to us...

[dannybegood]

I know it is more money to spend, but this helped me become mobile when my Achilles snapped, crutches are a real pain.

peglegs/product/iwalk-2-0/

I got mine brand new, but try eBay etc. Other shops available

[Snowball24]

Thats great, he has 6 more non weight bearing weeks (12 total) so could use this after, Id pay it as would be money well spent & at least he can get in his workshop again (started a carpentry business working from home just before op).

Thank you

[Snowball24]

Originally Posted by macdonald

im so sorry to hear this!...life can be so difficult at times and trust me you are not alone in the way you are feeling!.Things will definitely get better for you both and trust me your be planning your hols again, so please keep your chin up, you can always chat to us...

See more...

Thanks, guess we all have good and bad times in life & know there are many much worse off x

[JudyC]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, I can empathize with trying to stay strong until things feel too much.
It's still early days after the op, things will get better. Maybe when your DH can manage the stairs be could sit out in the garden if the weather is nice.
In the meantime try and look after yourself as much as you can. Come on here if you need an outlet x

[pinkbelle]

I’m not surprised you feel as if you aren’t coping. You are carrying a lot on your shoulders, just remember it will get better.
Your DH has had his OP and things are a little bit nearer to normal each day.

Please don’t feel you can’t tell people how you are really feeling. Maybe your Mum would like to help, even if it’s just cooking one of the meals each week, it would make her feel useful and give you some time off. Same for friends, when people say let me know if I can help they usually mean it.

Hoping things are much better for you all soon.

[munmun]

I do understand how you feel as you husband fractured his heel bone a few years ago and was non weight baring for 6 months.

You need to do all you can to encourage independence. Staying in bed is not good and could add to other complications. Even a walking frame will help.

My husband did the stairs on his bottom. Not easy but it worked. If you don't have a downstairs toilet at least get a urine bottle. Not fun but adds to independence.

Get him into a routine, we put a plastic garden chair in our shower so my husband could sit on it in the shower and wash, we had another outside the shower so he could dry. He transfered between the two with minimal help.

He could sit at the dining room table and help with chopping veg or prep for food, a high stool on the kitchen enabled him to make a cup of tea or a sandwich. Give him a shoulder bag or back pack so he can move things around the house.

Do you have someone who could make you a ramp to make getting into the garden easy?

Most importantly you need to get out and about and not be confined. Independence will make you both feel happier and healthier.

[Snowball24]

Thanks, we have a shower stool for him so he uses that. He says there is no point coming downstairs as nothing to do, so stays in bed watching tv, comes down recently though once a day and does a jigsaw. He rarely sees the kids (teens) as in the bedroom so much, and i think they forget to see him as he is tucked away! Will try and get him out of the room and doing things, thank you

[Floridatilly]

No wonder you are struggling. Your husband sounds like he is really down too. Now the weather is picking up he should sit in the garden and get some vitamin D and fresh air. He sounds in a rut as he doesn’t see the point in coming down but he needs to make an effort.
Maybe get your teenagers to come down too, even if it’s just for a short time. Maybe for a treat, share a cake together etc
Its so hard looking after someone and running a household. X x