To cancel or not to cancel ?

[peewakio]

OK so we're fully booked for next October and the savings going well. We're staying a CSR for the full two weeks with DDP with about £1k worth of other things such as Discovery Cove, HHN, KSC, Universal to pay for as well. We should be in the position to pay off the holiday in full by December at the latest.
That's all well and good until my youngest son now informs us that he's getting hitched next May.
Now I don't earn big bucks and I've been in serious debt before and promised myself 'never ever again'.
So as the father of the groom I really would like to contribute to the wedding in some fashion although to what extent I'm not really too sure what's expected. I'm divorced from my sons mother and I've no idea what she's planning to contribute if anything, or really care for that matter.
The one thing I do know is that I won't be flashing the credit/debit card around for either the holiday or the wedding.
Just wondered what's the norm with regards to a grooms fathers responsibilities these days as I really don't want to cancel the holiday or in fact be a skinflint in any way as it's not every day your kids get married, but I do envisage having to fork out a few grand for the wedding. Any thoughts dibbers?

[stormflm595]

What about offering to pay for a bar tab at the wedding breakfast/reception?

[BirdsluvDisney]

Hi. Maybe drop one of your extras to free up a bit of money.

I dont think you have to contribute anything to the wedding unless you want to.
For both my Daughters I paid for the cake and flowers. I just think contribute what you feel you want to. There is no set guidelines.
Me personally I think its a bit out dated to expect the parent to pay for the wedding. Yes contribute for say either the cake, Flowers car, but maybe just one of the items.
Say like you drop DC that will cover say the cake. Win win, You keep ya holiday still do loads and you have helped someway towards the wedding.

[ems35]

I agree with the post above just offer to contribute whatever you can, your son will know you have a holiday planned id just make an offer to pay for something you can afford

[16offtodisney!]

My In laws paid for nothing! Even though we were only quite young, and paid for the whole wedding ourselves, excluding my dress which my parents paid for, not a penny from the in laws ( they are divorced and his dad even has young children, which were bridesmaids/ paige , and they are well off!

[TC Devon]

My parents did not contribute to my wedding, I did nt expect them to. I knew they could nt afford it. No spare money.
My sister got married recently my mum received a Ppi pay out and they paid for the flowers and entertainers and something else maybe the cake). They also bought all the tea sets as it was an afternoon tea. Ppi would nt have paid for all that so goodness knows how they paid for these bits.

[landandword17]

Our parents didn’t pay anything toward our wedding which is how we wanted it. We also eloped and had no big white wedding. Our friends all married in their 30s too so no parental help behind some spending money for the honeymoons. It will depend entirely on your family dynamics, how old your son and his fiancée are and what they earn and what they want for their wedding. You haven’t mentioned that but they may want a small wedding or they may be planning to have 500 people to a 5 star country estate! It seems you and his mother don’t have much communication so I wouldn’t worry about what she’s contributing, your son will be used to seeing you as individuals with your own households and circumstances so no need to try to keep up with her.

[disney_chick13]

I don’t know why people expect their parents or partners parents to foot the bill? It’s such an outdated tradition in my opinion! I married 4 years ago in September when I was 25... we planned and paid for everything ourselves. My parents did gift me some money towards my dress ( I think around £300) which was a lovely much appreciated gesture and not expected at all! Just gift what you can OP and your son will be grateful no matter the amount!

[mrsbenny]

We got £1000 off our in laws towards our wedding but we didn’t expect anything to be honest. It wouldn’t of bothered me if we had got nothing from them.

[djewkes]

When my eldest dd got married we split 3 ways with the in laws and dd and her OH, but all was on a budget. When DS got married we paid for the flowers, cake and cars plus first round at the bar...
Youngest dd came to us a few years back to tell us they were planning on getting married (already living together with children) and wanted a big white wedding... however they then made it clear that they thought we would be footing the bill in full! I asked what his mum would be contributing...absolute silence... I suggested we host a small party at home... or they had close family only and a nice meal with everyone paying for themselves and we would pay for a few extras... still silence... needless to say they are still not married...