Can any body advise

[Gryff]

DIL 3 has autism diagnosed very late she was 19
She's a fantastic stay at home mum to our 1 year old GDs Harley who's the most interactive child you've e really met she knows that she can't cope with conventionalmum and baby / toddler groups but Harley needs to interact the Health Visitor has been useless even online support face time groups
Etc would be great
Our DIL 1/2 take Harley to baby /toddler groups
But Amy wants to have some support from mums like her not as she says yummy super moms
Her health visitor today at his vaccination appointment and assessment was awful when she asked for help and that took a huge commitment for her to ask
Took us 3 hours to calm her down and convince her
Nobody was taking Harley into,care as she was her words a crap mum
Amy is only 22 so she's still on a learning curve her self on dealing with things

[DonnaD]

I can't offer any real advice except possibly suggest Homestart. My friend who was a pediatric nurse and then newborn foster mother volunteers for them. It might not be suitable but they might be helpful in suggesting something else.

I really feel for your DIL. My daughter has only just been diagnosed at 15. It really seems like alot of girls slip through the net and then their self esteem really suffers.

Please reassure her that lots of mums are intimidated by mother and toddler groups. I wonder if something more activity based would be easier for her. Something like "Monkey Music" is more structured so less sitting around trying to make small talk.

[Vinniecat]

Again I am sorry I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say she sounds like a great mum. Asking for help when it is so much out of her comfort zone shows that she is putting her child first. So glad she has you for support. I think the health visitor sounds very unprofessional.

[Disney_time]

Bless her, she's obviously trying hard to do what's best. Our toddler group had lots of nannies and grannies, rather than all mums. That kind of group might suit better, but if as you say, the HV isn't interested, it might be hard to find such a group in your area.

[hibbie]

As someone else has suggested,what about something more structured like baby/toddler sensory classes. Each week they start with the same song, have a little structured session, short play and then finish with the same end song. There is only a very short time (but long enough) time for parent interaction and isn't cliquey as it's led by what the child wants to do. Grandparents, family members and also go along at first to break the stress and overwhelmingness of going somewhere new, meeting new people. My son has asd... I know how structured groups /places suit him much better. I met my newest closest friends (well 7 years ago) at toddler sense... we are the most opposite of yummy mummy s you can get...we range in age from 30 to 45 and we all there for our own reasons ranging from depression and having to try so hard to get out of the house, working and only being free on that day to me having twins and really struggling to cope. None of us spoke at first but gradually we gave an odd smile, in general my one of my children would escape (as I couldn't keep both in the same place at the same time!) and the now asd one would randomly bite someone so the others would offer a bit of help, help put shoes on one at the end etc and very gradually the best friendships formed...we are all totally different... one quiet one who barely speaks unless necessary, me who is always stressed, one really organised one... There's 8 of us,!we mostly talk on FB messenger now so don't even have that gave to face contact... unless we arrange a meal out (like this Friday! )... We've all got through some tough times together!... imo it was the perfect place to slowly meet people, but you didn't feel you had to speak as there was so much happening.

[EssexSue]

Do you have Surestart in Scotland? I think the people who work in Children's Centres would be a lot more helpful and understanding than the health visitor.

[Gryff]

Thanks all we've found a mum and baby art /music group locally run by well I'd describe her as a bit of a hippie but when we went along
First thing she said to Amy was we all think,out the box here you can do any art crafts music you want or join in with anybody or sit back and watch but we have a5 min action baby /toddler song at the beginning and end of each session that you need to join in with
It's twice a week and tomorrow Amy wants to go herself but know I can get her anytime she wants
Sure start were great till they moved into the main house then due to funds said well you have 24 hour support so that's it
The very thing we haven't done we are here if she needs us but we do not go into there part of the house unless invited we even have our own doors letterbox drive etc only thing we share is the laundry and we have a rota for that
Thank you all she is a great mum and I'm sure you can understand with each milestone Harley reaches Amy has to get there too

[Vinniecat]

That's brilliant news sounds like you are a lovely supportive family.

[Gryff]

Vinniecat we are trying it's all new to us all Amy was missed as she was very ill as a child and is only here because of the Organ Donner scheme
We have the odd day that we'd all like to forget but all of us DH & me
DS1 & Dil DS2 and DIL and her family can now see the signs when we are all together that she needs time away to as we have all agreed to say get her head back in the game or for us to have a timeout
As I've said it's a learning curve for us all and has certainly made us a closer more tolerant family all round with of course the odd time out as needed
PS please don't think that Amy's Mum & Dad don't care but they are divorced live in the Cotswolds and are as supportive as they can be and visit and have AmyJosh and Harley at every opertunity they can or come here for special ocassions with her much loved Step parents

[Gryff]

A little up date Amy and Harley had a great time and today we were invited with our other GDs Aaron 2 to support Amy with Harley at swim time play we all had a ball and it was amazing to see Amy be able to afterwards instead of trying to fade into the background introduce us and be proud of what she'd made for the pot luck lunch
Home made veggie pizza pinwheels and fruit kebabs