Anxiety over starting a new job

[MK_club1987]

I haven't posted here for a long long time, a few of the regulars may now I've had a real tough 18 months mentally, hence why I took a break from forums/social media etc.

Anyways to cut a long story short, I have been with my currently employer 12 years, I currently work 1 in 3 weekends, since me and my ex wife broke up I have been having my son every other weekend, when I went back to work last year after Furlough and some time off sick, I put in a flexible working request due to the fact that 1 in 3 weekends would clash with my weekends with my son, and I don't get him no where near as much as I would like as it is, so I did not want anything getting in the way of the time I do get with him, initially they said they would take weekends away from me whilst they review it, this was back in September. They finally came back to me in March, declining the flexible roster and brought my weekends back in straight away, I appealed, which also got declined.

I wasn't too happy as there are people in the team who work a flexible rota, but understandable they are unable to discuss this with me.

Anyway due to this I started looking for a new job, found one pretty quickly and now I am due to start next Tuesday, with my last day my current work place being Friday, they have asked me to stay and I honestly would if they could support me a little bit, but they have still turned around and said there's nothing they could do for me due to business needs.

For some stupid reason I keep getting tempted to just stay because I am so anxious about starting this new job, and I don't know why, maybe it's suffering anxiety and depression the last 18 months, going through a suicide attempt, going on medication, having councilling, and working so hard to get my life back on track, I guess this change is a scary one as I've been with this company 12 years and I know the job inside out, there's pretty much guaranteed job security (well as guaranteed as you can get).

I know I can't stay because time with my son is most important, I just wish I could get rid of this anxiety feeling!

Sorry there is no real point to this post, just needed to get it all down, as everyone in my personal life is so happy for me with this new job and I don't want to let anyone down by saying how scared I actually am!

[ClaireNJ]

I’m sorry you’ve been through so much
And if it was me although you’d be nervous about starting a new job next week I’d definitely go and start a fresh, after all your old employer didn’t support much when you needed it, I know it’s maybe safer and more comfortable as it’s what you’ve known for 12 years, but for them to not be flexible especially in your circumstances, I think the new job is the way to go
Good luck with what ever you decide
And welcome back to the DIBB
X

[Mrs_Potts]

I was in a similar position but in the NHS - I had worked in the same department for 18 years and the whole department had to re-apply for our jobs and I (and some others at the same band) didn't get my post and was downbanded but on pay protection for 12 months (I was at the top of my band). I decided then that in that 12 months I would look for another job but luckily right at the start, I was offered another post in the NHS at the same band which I accepted.

I was so upset to leave my other role (even though they had downbanded me) and like you was considering whether to withdraw my resignation - but you know what - leaving was the best thing I could have done - I have been in my "new" role for 6 years and in that time have been promoted twice!

Best thing I ever did was leave but it was really scary as I had been there so long!

[Gill635]

I left my old job after 8 1/2 years just over 5 years ago.

I honestly hated the place, it was vile and full of bullying and genuinely was making me poorly.

I was absolutely terrified starting a new job. Being the new person in an established team, having a probation period, switching back into an industry I’ve been out of for years. Trust me, I was terrified.

Despite Covid and furlough and redundancies, it’s still by far the best thing I ever did.

My new colleagues are amazing, and make even the worst days in here enjoyable.

You’ve been through a lot, even without all of that, it’s still an scary time. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

If the last couple of years has taught us anything, it’s that time and family are precious.

Sending you all the love in the world, please keep us posted

[MK_club1987]

Thank you, I guess one of the big things scaring me at the moment is the money initially as with my current employer I am paid on the 27th for that month, i.e I'll be paid on 27th May for the month of May, obviously I will only get paid until the date I finished which is 20th May losing around a weeks wage, whereas the new job is paid monthly in arrears, which I am guessing will mean I will be paid for a week on 24th June (their pay date), and then won't get my first full month until 24th July, that's such a long time to essentially go with very little wages, and it's certainly a big worry.

[123]

The reason for the gap though seems to be you taking time off, if money is important here (and it often is) ask to bring forward the start date of the new job


However I may have read you post wrong. Are you actually starting the new job on Monday and the week you are talking about is actually in May?

It may be you are confusing the term month in arrears. What this means is that you get paid at the end of the month for work already done. So if you work 7 days in May at the new job you get paid those seven days in May (maybe not if you are so close to pay day to process it but you get the idea)

But if you work all of June you will get paid for all of June in the 27th June pay run.

(In many other countries pay runs are more equitable, in Australia if you are paid monthly it is usually mid-month so they trust you to turn up for the rest of the month rather than not paying you until you have been there)

[Loopylooloo]

Welcome back, and well done on being so brave. I also think the new job will be a good move, I understand you feeling anxious (I had crazy sweats for six months in my last job when I was new) but, they obviously think you are worthy of the job, to offer it to you. Just want to wish you lots of luck both with work, and your continuing mental health. Take care.

[MK_club1987]

Originally Posted by 123

The reason for the gap though seems to be you taking time off, if money is important here (and it often is) ask to bring forward the start date of the new job


However I may have read you post wrong. Are you actually starting the new job on Monday and the week you are talking about is actually in May?

It may be you are confusing the term month in arrears. What this means is that you get paid at the end of the month for work already done. So if you work 7 days in May at the new job you get paid those seven days in May (maybe not if you are so close to pay day to process it but you get the idea)

But if you work all of June you will get paid for all of June in the 27th June pay run.

(In many other countries pay runs are more equitable, in Australia if you are paid monthly it is usually mid-month so they trust you to turn up for the rest of the month rather than not paying you until you have been there)

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Oh right ok, maybe I am getting confused, so I finish my current job Friday 20th May, so will receive my final pay on 27th May which obviously will be days worked until 20th, start my new job Tuesday 24th May, their payday is 24th of each month so obviously won't get paid until 24th June, I assumed monthly in arrears would mean I would only get paid for the last week of May and then I'd get June's wages on 24th July.

[Tracydcp]

I completely feel your anxiety as I’m going through it too. Not quite the same situation as you though my brother had to do exactly the same thing to see his son regularly. He was a bus driver with shifts all over the place but he loved it, they couldn’t guarantee him every weekend off so he moved to hgv driving. Anyway with me I’ve been at my current job for 6 and a half years but really don’t like it. The management are awful, the place is so dirty and messy and they really couldn’t give a toss about us. Applied for a job last night and they messaged me this morning but I feel so scared about it! I’m a terrible overthinker and I must have gone over every scenario in my head. So just wanted to say good luck 😊

[MK_club1987]

Originally Posted by Loopylooloo

Welcome back, and well done on being so brave. I also think the new job will be a good move, I understand you feeling anxious (I had crazy sweats for six months in my last job when I was new) but, they obviously think you are worthy of the job, to offer it to you. Just want to wish you lots of luck both with work, and your continuing mental health. Take care.

See more...

Thank you, I appreciate your kind comments, it's certainly been a battle, and I never expected to get a new job, in all honesty I expected my current work place to support me, which they did not and in turn caused me to look for a new job, it all happened so quickly tbh and it's only really sunk in over the last week about the big change.