Please share some delicately worded rude jokes...

[amy56]

My husband just came in from talking to the postman, he said ‘the postie has just told me he’s slept with every woman in our street except for one’.

I said, ‘I bet it’s that snooty one at number 20’!

😉😉😂😂

[disney332]

Can you take skin from your buttocks and transplant it onto someone who isn't family?

Arsss skin for a friend.

Disney332

[disneywiseowl]

It was Happy Hour in the pub. A customer asked for a Double Entendre so the barman gave her one.

[captain-codeye]

I’m about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties.

My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: she bought me some Viagra and I bought her a treadmill.

[ChrisS]

Man goes to Dr after being beaten something wicked, Dr asks what the heck happened... man explains, he and wife go golfing, she hits her ball into a field of cows, he begins searching for the ball whilst her, and a small audience, watch from the fence. He can't find the ball and is about to give up when he looks up and there sticking out a cows backside is a golf ball, surely not he thinks, walks over, lifts the tail up high, sure enough it's her ball. Turning towards the wife he points and shouts, 'honey, this one looks like yours'...

[Mr Tom Morrow]

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. – They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the sofa.

[disney332]

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.

They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral sex' will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.'

The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room.

"What happened!?" they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure, I think she choked.'

Disney332

[Mr Tom Morrow]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat.
The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.
When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord.
"If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun.
Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for ≈≈≈≈ sex so she might keep her virginity.
The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie!

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

[cartoonp]

My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after sex…
I said I haven’t looked.

[princess lil]

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman?

Snowballs 🙈