Notices
General Chat This forum is for general topics and chat type threads.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 24 Jun 19, 10:15 AM  
Link to this Post
#111
Guest
Guest
 
Originally Posted by nolypops83 View Post
Just book it and don’t tell her or the kids, then pretend you got another last minute deal.
I second this. Book it and keep it quiet, then she may have booked her own holiday and can't go.

Have been with my in-laws a lot and often it is like having extra children to herd through the airport and then entertain for 14 days. You do all the planning, food shopping, laundry in the villa and not get chance to sit and relax or have privacy when the kids have gone to bed to have adult time. Looking back the kids enjoyed it, DH was torn with keeping me happy and his parents.
Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 24 Jun 19, 11:05 AM  
Link to this Post
#112
MrsBC
VIP Dibber
 
Join Date: Oct 10

MrsBC's Reviews
Hotel Reviews: 11
Restaurant Reviews: 50

theDIBB Guidebook
Guidebook Photos: 10
Guidebook Reviews: 1
Originally Posted by PoohBears#1fan View Post
BTW I think she sounds like a older lady who's trying to keep hold of her family & her maternal role in it. I didn't read your post and think dementia or unreasonable, she's obviously alone and even at my age, with my kids ranging from 16-23 I'm feeling that loss of being needed as much.

Being able to recognise your issues doesn't make you a bad person, you sound like you have a wonderful relationship with your mum despite the challenges that kind of relationship can bring. I hope you find a solution.
Most 'older ladies' of 61 are still working and independent. Even if she is feeling like this there's no excuse for her behaviour.
__________________
DISNEY HOLS:
WDW - Y&BC x 8, AKL x 2, POFQ x 1, villas x 5, GF x 1, Dolphin x 2
DLP - Sequoia x 4, Newport Bay x 1, Cheyenne x 5, Santa Fe x1
DCL Magic, DCL Wish
BOOKED - Beach Club Villas Sept '24, Disney Treasure Sept '25
TRIP REPORT INDEX
www.thedibb.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=835984
MrsBC is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 24 Jun 19, 11:10 AM  
Link to this Post
#113
PoohBears#1fan
Imagineer
 
PoohBears#1fan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 03
Originally Posted by MrsBC View Post
Most 'older ladies' of 61 are still working and independent. Even if she is feeling like this there's no excuse for her behaviour.
Working and being independent has nothing to do with feeling the loss of the maternal role.

Whilst some may just see unreasonable behaviour, there's often a reason for people behaving unreasonably and for the sake of what otherwise sounds like a very good relationship, it's worth the effort to understand what makes someone behave in a way that others may find unreasonable.
__________________
DVC owner since 2002. Many trips since '92

Wild Africa Trek photo report

PoohBears#1fan is online now Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 24 Jun 19, 11:35 AM  
Link to this Post
#114
disneywiseowl
VIP Dibber
 
disneywiseowl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 06

disneywiseowl's Reviews
DIBB Villa Reviews: 1
OP: I’ve only scan read your thread so apologies if I’m repeating other posters’ comments.
I’m older than your mum, almost 69 & I regularly go on holiday with my adult daughters ( My DH comes sometimes too - not as keen on the theme parks) but we go as equals, I would never behave as your mother does - it’s a form of bullying, which you really shouldn’t put up with. Her behaviour is more like a 91 year old than a 61. The thing is if she’s like this now, how much more demanding will she be when she’s older? I know it’s difficult but you really need to find a ‘gentle’ slow way to change her behaviour. Maybe, little hints at first? Is there another family member or friend who can help? Could you get her to read some Dibb trip reports featuring multi-generational families to see how they interact? Try ‘Mrstenberge’ latest trip report. Mum, 61 & daughter holiday. Wishing you all the best. X
disneywiseowl is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 24 Jun 19, 11:41 AM  
Link to this Post
#115
debs2028
Imagineer
 
debs2028's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 06
Mobile

It sounds to me like you don’t want to tell your mum she can’t come away with you . I’d give it one last try and see if you can work out compromises that will suit you both .
I must admit I like an aisle seat so can understand to some extent why she chooses to sit there . Could you put one of the children next to her as they are smaller and the fact your mum is bigger will not bother them .
The children going into her room , I think they are old enough now to stop doing it themselves . Get an alarm clock and tell them they are not to disturb anyone till it’s gone off . If they have things to play with it makes it easier and you tend to get up early anyway in Florida I guess .
Room ( tricky one ) My parents always took best room which continued when only one of them .. annoying but I let it go .
I think no late nights etc , only certain restaurants has to stop . Someone else suggested an Uber back . They are incredibally easy to use when you get the hang of them . Maybe one of you could go with her first time ( I’m only 5 yrs younger than your mum ) My bet is she will suddenly decide to stay even if it’s sat in a cafe .
Restaurants if she does not want to go , order her a takeaway or she can cook a simple meal . It won’t be every night .

Getting up to early in the morning , my mum does this even when sharing the same room . We compromise now and she has a flask of tea she can just pour in the morning to save making a noise might be an option ?

Paying for the odd meal maybe is ok as long as it’s not all the time .. do a deal we buy u a meal and u and hubby get a few hours out on your own ?

I think it is possible to make changes and see if it works , explain the kids are older and the way you have planned your holiday before just does not work anymore .

Hopefully you can find a solution that suits you all .
debs2028 is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 24 Jun 19, 12:05 PM  
Link to this Post
#116
Leec
Thread Starter
Very Serious Dibber
 
Join Date: Jul 13
Mobile

Originally Posted by PoohBears#1fan View Post
Ignore me if someone else has already said this (it's a very long thread now!) but would she fly one way on her own if say you invited her to join you for a week, giving you 2 weeks to do your holiday your way?
We’ve spoke about this before because her work no longer allows 3wk holidays so we’ve purposely said we want 3wk to make sure we do everything we want and me relaxing after the travelling as the excuse.
At the minute she’s saying she’ll fly over for a week so that’s another option for us 👍
__________________
Becky and lee
Leec is offline Boy Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 24 Jun 19, 12:18 PM  
Link to this Post
#117
Bats
Disney Cruise Line VIP!
 
Bats's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 07

theDIBB Guidebook
Pages Created: 13
I read the title and thought 'you only get one mum', 'suck it up and invite her' .. but then I read the whole sorry saga.

I am so very lucky that my parents come away with us and they try their very hardest not to be a burden.

I have no answers for you really, but I know I would also be frustrated by the demands she puts on your family on a shared holiday.
What would happen if you took her again, but gave her 'rules' such as: 'mum, on X day, we're going to X park from 8am until 9pm. We're not coming back to the villa and we'll be eating at X place. You're welcome to come with us but that's what we're doing'.

Would she go with you then create an issue, or would she stop at the villa?

Good luck with it all, I don't envy you. We all deserve our own holidays and that includes your family.
__________________
30 cruises with DCL and counting ...
Bats is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 24 Jun 19, 12:21 PM  
Link to this Post
#118
Mr Tom Morrow
Imagineer
 
Join Date: Jul 14
Location: The Tiki Room.

theDIBB Guidebook
Pages Created: 3
OP. Let me relate a story about by Mum and our experiences with her.

In 1994 it was our first trip as a Family to Florida with the children being 4 and nearly 7. We decided to invite my Mum along as she hadn't been widowed all that long, we could afford to pay for her and also felt she not only would enjoy the holiday it would help us out with the children. So a win win for everybody.

Had a blast I must say.

Then roll on to the next trip and I had the ''can I come with you again''. Well the answer was no as we both realised say yes again and it will be for ever.

My Mum never moaned or made comment about that so I don't know if she was slighted or upset. What I do know was it pushed her into doing solo Saga and Titan Tour trips to America every year. This continued well into her 80's. So much so she used to ring me up halfway through her escorted holiday saying she was fed up with the old biddies and was heading off on her own and was also staying longer and not coming back with them all.

Best thing I ever did as it made her independent and she enjoyed time away albeit in a group initially.

I am 64 and maybe one day one or both of my Children will invite me to holiday with them. I very much doubt I will accept the invitation as I know they have their own lives to lead, their own families to consider and I am not part of that 'inner circle' of their relationship.
As a Parent to them I sit slightly outside of that sphere (maybe a lot!)

Make the decision to calmly tell Mum that dynamics have changed and you are going as a Family unit from now on. If you don't do it now you will rue the day in time to come.
__________________

"PAGING MR MORROW, MR TOM MORROW..."

''I drink Wine and know things''

DVC Owners at SSR since 2003.
Multiple annual visits to America since 1976
Mr Tom Morrow is offline Boy Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 24 Jun 19, 12:51 PM  
Link to this Post
#119
macdonald
Imagineer
 
macdonald's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 14
Location: berkshire
I wish we had an unlike button on here...
macdonald is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Old 24 Jun 19, 12:59 PM  
Link to this Post
#120
Kat11
VIP Dibber
 
Kat11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 12
Mobile

Originally Posted by macdonald View Post
I wish we had an unlike button on here...
Do you mean you want to unlike a post you’ve liked? If so just press the “like” button again and it’ll unlike it.

If it’s a “I don’t like button” I think that would often get used, but not always for the good. 😂

Kat
__________________
DLP: Hotel New York-2008 & Hotel Cheyenne-2013
WDW: Villa - April 2011 & Villa - April 2014
WDW: Onsite: OKW! - October 2016 & 2018
WDW: Onsite: HRH/POFQ - October 2019
WDW: Partner Hotel: Hilton LBV @ DS & RPR - April 2022
DLC: LA - San Fran inc: DLC & Universal - Aug/Sept 2023
Kat11 is offline Girl Mouse Click to view Members Trip Plans Add Member to Ignore List
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:39 PM.


Powered by vBulletin - Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
DIBB Savings
AttractionTickets.com

Get £10 off each Disney Ticket with the code ATDIBB10

Get up to £50 off per room at Disney or Universal with the code DIBBHOTELS


theDIBB Blog
Disney announced that a new nighttime show, “Disney Dreams That Soar,” will run nightly at... Read More »
Walt Disney World Resort guests can get ready to have a “glowing’’ good time when... Read More »
Aquatica Orlando announce the grand opening of its newest attraction, Tassie’s Underwater Twist, on 15... Read More »


theDIBB Menu


Exchange Rates
US Dollar Rates
ASDA  $1.2342
CaxtonFX  $1.2306
Covent Garden FX  $1.2431
FAIRFX  $1.2350
John Lewis  $1.2380
M&S  $1.2178
Sainsburys  $1.2337
TESCO  $1.2343
Travelex  $1.2353
Updated: 12:30 28/03/2024
Euro Rates
ASDA  €1.1426
CaxtonFX  €1.1407
Covent Garden FX  €1.1513
FAIRFX  €1.1432
John Lewis  €1.1457
M&S  €1.1263
Sainsburys  €1.1419
TESCO  €1.1425
Travelex  €1.1435
Updated: 12:30 28/03/2024

DIBB Premium Membership
Did you know you can help support theDIBB with Premium Membership?

Check out this link for more information and benefits, such as...

"No adverts on theDIBB Forums"

Upgrade Now



X