Sensitive & need TLC

[flumpsmum]

I don’t post a lot, I’m a person who struggles to talk Even to family & friends but really need some help.
Without going into too many details, last night there was a huge family fight between my children (all adults) & my DH ( their dad)
I was in the middle of it all, trying but failing to calm things down.
My eldest son was in tears so I took him to one side & comforted him.
This morning, DH woke me up at 7am to tell me to ≈≈≈≈ off, get out, we don’t want you here etc etc & got cases out the loft told me to pack my bags & he’s leaving for 3 days & when he comes back he wants me gone.
We have been together 30 years, & it’s not the first time he’s spoke to me this way but I do feel like this is the end now.
I suppose all I want is practical advice/ information about what to do. While emotionally I’m numb & terrified of being by myself. I know there’s so much worse going on in people’s lives right now but I guess I feel very much alone right now with no one to turn to.
Thanks for reading if you got this far x

[Loopylooloo]

Sounds very stressful, no wonder you are upset!
My initial thoughts are that over the past few weeks, it has been extremely difficult for everyone, all stuck together under one roof, out of routine, etc, and I am sure that most families have had some drama at some point. Do you think maybe this will pass when everyone has calmed down a bit? Was alcohol involved? Do you have somewhere to go if needed, even just temporarily for some support (I appreciate this is a very difficult option during lockdown).
I am sorry you are having a tough time.

[sameeel]

Has your husband left the family home?
Does he make you feel threatened in any way?

Agree with above post that lockdown had been incredibly tough and probably lots of families are a little frayed at the edges, although you say he’s acted in this manner before?

How are your children, I know adults but still your children?

I really feel for you dealing with this .x

[SuziQz]

I don’t have any personal experience so can’t really help but didn’t want to read and run.

If my husband was like that with me then he would be the one leaving. We’ve been married nearly 15 years (we’ve both been married before) but I put most of the money into our house so I certainly wouldn’t be the one leaving. Any chance of changing the locks while he’s away?

Where would you go anyway? With lockdown still as it is. Could you split the house to give yourselves time to talk things through? I know 30 years is a long time together and it can be scary suddenly being on your own but I think you need to consider whether you really want to stay with him or not. Does he really want a divorce? Do your children still live at home? If so what would they do if you ended up selling the family home? Hopefully at least one of them will be able to give you a hug and some emotional support.

Take care, and several deep breaths, and hopefully others will also pop up with words of wisdom x

[skalexander]

My advice would be - don’t go anywhere, it’s your house. Don’t change the locks, it’s his house too.

I’m sorry to hear this has happened. As has already been said, the lockdown and all which has gone with it has put a lot of pressure on relationships. I hope it all works out, one way or the other.

[SuziQz]

Originally Posted by skalexander

Don’t change the locks, it’s his house too.

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Fair point, it’s probably not helpful or even legally correct, sorry

[flumpsmum]

Thankyou all for your replies. Unfortunately alcohol was involved although I was sober by the time the fight started.
In regards to lockdown, I have still been working full time so we haven’t really been living in each other’s pockets, & my eldest has his own place so we haven’t really seen him at all until yesterday. I do feel threatened by my DH although it’s hard for me to admit to. I’m not wanting sympathy, just a listening ear I suppose. X

[GrumpyDopey&Me]

I would tell him if he has the problem then he has to leave. Do you children still live with you because that is a big upheaval for all. If not I would move his stuff into another bedroom and tell him to naff off if he thinks he is telling me what to do

[Guest]

It is something that may blow over.

But if it doesn’t, then remember he has no right to tell you that “he wants you gone”. It is your house and you have as much right to be there as he does. If he doesn’t want to be under the same roof as you, then he is free to leave. But I agree with PP, you must not change the locks as he has an equal right to be there, if you did that you could be in trouble. To remove him you would need to get an occupation order or come to a financial settlement agreement with him.

[Twin mummy]

You say that you feel threatened by him, if you haven’t gone when he gets back are you frightened what he’ll do?
If yes I’d think the first thing to do is secure your physical safety. I know legally, leaving isn’t necessarily the right thing to do but if it is to ensure your safety then I think you should.
Have you a joint bank account? Joint savings etc? Again it’s possible not the right legal answer but I’d be ensuring I could financially support myself whilst things were sorted out.
Hope you are ok and most importantly safe and that things work out.