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Unread 25 Aug 19, 02:13 PM  
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This could be me as a 12/13 year old. I wet the bed right up until I was ten, but I used to soil myself up until I was 13.
I have problems myself, Im autistic (the community doesnt believe in so-called functioning labels as they ignore difficulties some people have and ignore what others can do), I have ADHD, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, dyscalculia and more on a list longer than a Leonard Cohen song.
Some of what you described could be me now. What with the secret eating and the lack of washing-its been about four days since I last washed, but Ive washed my hair only six times this year and only twice since April (though thats down to depression, which I am being seen for). Also my jeans... havent been washed since maybe June. Idk. Im extremely socially awkward and have no friends and havent had any since 2011, probably because of mood swings. I get extreme highs and extreme lows but worst still is my extreme bouts of anger where I turn into Malcolm Tucker. Thats down to ADHD, but the lack of a filter where I end up saying the wrong thing-thats an autie thing.

So based on what youve said and on personal experience, I would say that theres something going on and to check with your GP about it. Try and get a referral to CAMHS as well, since it all sounds a bit mental health-y.
Sorry I cant help much, but... thats what its like from the other side.
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Unread 25 Aug 19, 02:14 PM  
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Im not an expert too but I have some experience with my son although hes a lot younger, some of the traits he has even now is similar. Hes being assessed for autism. I can tell, reading that and the way youve written things that this is playing on your mind too as its similar to my thoughts in the early days. Its a very long process so Id definitely start with a trip to your GP or chat to the school senco. Its amazing how much you start to understand when you scratch the surface. Those things to us that are strange or unusual suddenly become really understandable so it cant harm but explore something that helps you understand and connect better with her, and if need be get her the support she needs.
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Unread 25 Aug 19, 02:16 PM  
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Spot on , there's definitely some ASD similar traits there but diagnosis by internet never makes sense.
Girls often get missed as they are more socially adept at masking it .
Definitely chat to your GP and check out support groups in the meantime.

Originally Posted by Tubbsy View Post
Again, can't diagnose but being a Mum of two kids (one Male, one female ) with high functioning autism, I'm with everyone else.
Keep a dsily diary of behaviours, eating habits etc.
Ask school to help with things they have noticed.
Speak to your Dr

Diagnosis can take ages take get,
but you can tap into support groups.
(You might find theres a local youth group you could see she may want to attend with other kids on the spectrum - you won't need a diagnosis)

And keep talking to us!
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Unread 25 Aug 19, 02:19 PM  
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Would definitely echo the comments above. Got to see GP to get a referral. May not be anything but girls are definitely better at masking conditions and it often doesnt show until the teens in my experience, sometimes masked into adulthood.
Its not about putting a name or diagnosis to everything but it can help with strategies to manage life even more successfully.
Sounds like you are doing a great job.
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Unread 25 Aug 19, 02:21 PM  
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Your daughter sounds exactly and I mean exactly the same as my friends daughter, I even thought as I was reading this do I know you but her daughter is 18 now, she has been diagnosed as having an under active thyroid gland so far, but her mum says there are other things too.
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Unread 25 Aug 19, 02:34 PM  
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Thank you soooooo much everyone. Just being able to say it out loud (iykwim!) has helped. I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone and there might be a reason for her behaviours.
Regarding the school. They havent been ever in touch or raised major concerns (however now I think about it when she was in a primary school year 2 the teacher mentioned she had asked someone to asses her as she had some tendencies and they were happy with her development, hadnt thought about it again until now) But Ill be honest and say the schools pastoral team arent the best. Several years ago my niece was involved in a terrible accident at school due to bullying. The teachers were found to not only of ignored the bullying for years, but one was seen by another parent to actively humiliate my niece when she was on the floor waiting for an ambulance. But that has been dealt with locally and they are thankfully no longer teaching. But it doesnt fill me with confidence.
Her personal tutor took a dislike to her almost straight away, over the years the teachers have found her to be like marmite, they either get her and love her uniqueness, or get annoyed by her and let it be known.
I also find my daughter plays (and I hate saying this phrase) the victim a lot, how much if it is true, and how much is how she feels I dont know, I suppose it doesnt matter, as thats how she feels regardless of if its is real or not.

I will contact the GP in the week, perhaps go and see them on my own to begin, he has known my family since he qualified 30 years ago so will have a good understanding of our family set up ( there is mental heath issues with my mum, sister and nieces)

Thank you again. We are now off out to a local festival, she has put on some clean summer clothes, not showered, but its progress!

Love the Dibb community I do xxxx
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Unread 25 Aug 19, 02:49 PM  
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12/13 is a difficult age for girls with hormones, acne,"puppy fat", low self esteem and realising that they don't always fit in but what you have posted seems more than the usual teenage issues.

My DD is just 13 and the paragraph re food could be her. Our problem is my DS (15) is tall and skinny so I cannot remove all the snacks as he needs them. I thought about slimming world but after discussing it with friends decided it wasn't a good idea in our case. She understands healthy eating, has cut down on portion sizes, bread and milk and now mainly has snack sizes of her favourite treats. She started going through puberty at 11 and matured earlier than a lot of her skinny friends which I think is part of her issue but we just keep an eye on her weight and as long as not goingup leave it at that at the moment.

If I were you I would be taking a copy of what you posted here and firstly discussing it with your GP and possibly the school. Our HIgh School actually has counsellors that the kids can go and see one day a week at lunch time to discuss things in confidence. Sometimes an "outsider" can get kids to open up and get through to them to help it it not an underlying issues.

Also I would suggest you consider having a look at the "teen magazine" Teen Breathe which is quite touchy feely but full of interesting articles to encourage teens to "be inspired, be brave, be kind and be yourself". It comes out every 2 months and I normally pick it up in Sainsburys and have a read before I give it to my daughter.

Good luck in getting the help that she obviously needs xx
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Edited at 02:50 PM.
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Unread 25 Aug 19, 02:53 PM  
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Just read your post and everyone's really helpful replies and whilst I don't want to say it's this or that, from experience with my youngest daughter who is 11 I'd say your daughter is showing autistic traits. We were lucky (doesn't sound the right word to use) but a fantastic senco in my daughters nursery noticed things like lilly wasn't making eye contact, tiptoe walking, obsessive behaviour to name but a few traits and helped refer he to the local CDC which is Camhs but for under 5s and I'm led to beleive helps speed up the assessments and any diagnosis as you are seen by a multidisciplinary team not individuals which is time consuming. I'm not sure where you are in the country but here in England schools not back yet but pretty much as soon as your daughter returns I'd be liasing with school senco and start the ball rolling with a visit to your GP to see about a referral to Camhs... will your daughter go with you to talk to the doctor? If not a good doctor will hopefully see you without your daughter and help with Camhs... My daughter won't go nowhere near a doctors surgery or hospital to point she's diagnosed now with white coat hypertension and our GP will refer us on my discussing things with them because lilly wouldn't say anything e en if I was lucky enough to get her through the door. My daughter needs prompting with her hygiene to point I have to say I'll do it for you like I would a little girl which she would hate, so I get a tween girl stomping loudly up the stairs but she will do things, I have to prompt sometimes by filling sink, putting toothpaste on brush etc etc... Its not that she's rebelling against it it's just its not high on her list of priorities... Priorities being her ipad, gaming and art. My daughter would until recently live in a onesie but is now seeing her friends dressing up and wearing makeup and she's starting to follow the crowd... She mimics and copies a lot of what her friends do to not 'stick out', she often behaves impeccably at school or out and about so not to draw attention to herself but that's so hard for her to do we've learnt over the years and she will often let off steam when in her own familiar surroundings. She's very childlike compared to a lot of her peers but again masks this in public a lot and we often get the fallout... Thank god our neighbours are old and deaf 😮.
Sending you a virtual hug, it's hard going for parents sometimes xx
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