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Unread 25 Aug 19, 11:39 PM  
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#33
Tinkermom
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I havent read through the whole thread but so much of what youve described shouts ASD, my son has Autism and attends a school for children on the spectrum and you are describing 99% of the girls there. Girls present far differently than boys and as such are often very good at masking which makes diagnosis later in life often typical for girls as they often present with mental health issues first before they are seen by clinicians.

If youre on Facebook look for the awake autism group, lots of information for girls with ASD
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Unread 26 Aug 19, 01:47 AM  
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I also have no medical training but I do have a fourteen year old niece with autism, dyspraxia, and other issues., Some of the things you mentioned sound familiar.
Id say you need a GP referral to a paediatrician.
Apart from what the problems may be, your daughter sounds unhappy.
I wonder if shes using food as a way of consoling herself?
Her continence issues need full investigation and I also agree that at her age she shouldnt be choosing whether to take medication.
If she cant make appropriate clothing choices at the moment, get rid of the tatty stuff, so she cant wear it and doesnt feel that youre disappointed in her.
My brother and sil do quite a lot of gentle, you dont have to understand it, or like it, you just have to do it! which seems to work with my niece. She also understands a reward system, so if your daughter wants to do xyz, make it conditional on her showering.
Good luck.
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Unread 31 Aug 19, 02:41 PM  
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Thank you again everyone.
We have actually had a much better week with her. She is taking more notice to washing, and this morning did it without asking before going out to meet a friend (that I organised!)
I have since spoken to my mum who unknown to me was diagnosed as ASD many years ago. She said she had wanted to say something about my daughter many times but always held back.
Daddy at first was reluctant to think it is a problem and said she is just unique and all kids go through not washing stages, and neither of us are winners at social skills (very true!) but after reading so many of your replies I think the penny had dropped with him and he understands why we need to intervene sooner rather than later.
Unfortunately I have been unable to get a GP appointment this week, or early next but I will keep persevering.
One question though for those whos children have been diagnosed later on, how did you raise the situation with them? I want it to be a positive conversation without negativity.
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Unread 31 Aug 19, 03:27 PM  
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Good news that you are both agreed that your daughter needs some help. The fact that your daughter was happy to wash before going out to meet a friend is hugely encouraging.

Is the nurse who sees your daughter in regard to bedwetting able to organise an appointment with the GP? Please also speak to your daughter's school, their insight will help in any diagnosis.

Sorry I have no advice on how to begin a conversation of your concerns with your daughter, my little angel was diagnosed at six, but I am sure your angel will have some concerns of her own.

I wish you all good luck. x

P.S. my social skills are dodgy too, I would never get in the diplomatic corp! x
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Unread 31 Aug 19, 03:47 PM  
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I have no personal experience but have read many similar threads on here so hope someone can provide more advice.

I recall there might be a book written by and from the perspective of a young person with ASD which might be a way of introducing the subject and helping your daughter understand and come to terms with any diagnosis.
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Unread 31 Aug 19, 03:58 PM  
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Originally Posted by Worriedmum View Post
Thank you again everyone.
We have actually had a much better week with her. She is taking more notice to washing, and this morning did it without asking before going out to meet a friend (that I organised!)
I have since spoken to my mum who unknown to me was diagnosed as ASD many years ago. She said she had wanted to say something about my daughter many times but always held back.
Daddy at first was reluctant to think it is a problem and said she is just unique and all kids go through not washing stages, and neither of us are winners at social skills (very true!) but after reading so many of your replies I think the penny had dropped with him and he understands why we need to intervene sooner rather than later.
Unfortunately I have been unable to get a GP appointment this week, or early next but I will keep persevering.
One question though for those whos children have been diagnosed later on, how did you raise the situation with them? I want it to be a positive conversation without negativity.
Although my daughter is younger a lot of this rings true. She was diagnosed as High functioning autistic at 6, shes 8 now. As she gets older, her quirks are getting more apparent- can Imagine as puberty hits it will get worse.
Can I recommend a group: colouring outside the line. Its for girls, women who are autistic and their families. Lots of great advice.

Have school raised concerns?

Since diagnosis we ve had support from Tahms. Can get a referral from school or GP.

Happy to help over private message.
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Unread 31 Aug 19, 06:59 PM  
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#39
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Thank you.

Firstly we cant really get a bus pass as she only uses the bus (or supposed to!) once or twice a week, a years pass is 1100, waaaaay more than the out of pocket cost so I dont justify it!...I will have to think of other ways. But if its not the bus money it will be pocket/birthday money, so need to get to the route cause.

The GP passed us onto the continence nurse regarding the wetting, shes had all the tests, not much more he can do until her body kicks into gear.

We really dont feel she is being bullied. At the beginning of the year there was some issue with a pair of friends (typical 3s a crowd, and she sticks out a bit, onto secondary school, all change etc) but she told me all about it that day, we went to the school who did help settle it, no issues since. So she does talk to us about her worries, like starting a new school year. And she is a talker full stop...
In terms of the bed wetting it is frustrating as there is no pattern to it or a typical cause, like last year she was dry weeks before secondary school, which is a typical trigger for bed wetters.

Home life is as happy as I can imagine a happy home to be for a teenager; typical 2.4 nuclear family, hubby and I are grossly happy and positive people, no money worries, extended family are great (well, most of them ) We are quite a relaxed family and she wouldnt be forced to do extra curriculum activities she didnt like as she wouldnt make the effort!

Hubby and I both joke we are anti social. He remembers hiding from friends many times as a teenager as he didnt want to go out to mess about. I was, and still am to some extent, the same, I never tell friends when I am on annual leave for the fear they will organise get togethers... which would mean getting out of PJs...

I agree with you that it isnt becoming easier to label children. But I think it would benefit to be sure so we can have help on place for the coming years which might be bumpy. They may just agree with our family motto that she is just a unique girl and we like unique!
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Unread 31 Aug 19, 10:29 PM  
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Reading through your post, this sounds like my DD11. She too will walk around in dirty clothes and just doesn't care. Her favourite phase is, 'hey ho' with a shrug of the shoulders. The thing that really winds me up is not wiping her backside properly after going to the toilet. This angers me and she admits to being in too much of a hurry to get back on technology 😡😡
She definitely has friendship issues too. She is friendly but seems to be a one friend wonder. Everything seems to go okay until there's more than one friend and she says she gets left out. She had her first day at secondary yesterday and another girl spoke to her, asking her name. She told her and then walked off as apparently everyone in her class is weird. She ran off to her 'safety blanket' from her old school. I feel like giving up at times despite her being the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I am not any help at all but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Parenting is the most stressful job in the world lol. Sending you lots of hugs. X
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