Funerals and not having one

[mickey house]

My wife's grandad died around 6 years ago and he didn't have a funeral as he insisted he didn't want one and that was the first person I knew who didn't have a funeral when he died. His wife (my wife's nan) also doesn't want a funeral so perhaps they are starting a family trend.

[chrisxal]

I have it written into my will, I do not want anyone to waste good money on an expensive funeral or expensive flowers, a bunch of flowers from a supermarket are good enough for me and as I am being cremated then cardboard coffin is fine for me.
My neighbour said she paid just over £6k for her mums funeral, that is a lot of money.

[force ten]

the service is known as cremation without ceremony or a A direct cremation

[joxxxxx]

I can count on one hand the people who would come to my funeral (and that is only if I die before DH) - so no not having one. I want a green burial done as cheaply as possible.

[Twin mummy]

I'm happy for my family to do what they want with me, I'm another that believes funerals are for the living.

My Grandma donated her body to medical research and didn't want a funeral. My Mum (her daughter) was horrified and in the end organised 2 "funerals" one a memorial service (at the crem which was odd but both mum and Gran didn't believe) when she died and the second 18 months later when she got the body back. My Mum then arranged a third family get together to scatter Grandma's ashes. Felt a bit too much to me but it was what my Mum wanted.

My problem will be when my Mum dies,I'm an only child and my Dad is dead so it will fall to me to arrange it. For various reasons we aren't that close, her wishes will be for a big commemoration- she has lots of friends and acquaintances and is a bit of a 'professional' funeral attender and I would much prefer a small private ceremony.
It sounds really callous but there is lots of back story (and she has a longstanding chronic illness so something we have thought about). I just know I won't want to be there with all these people telling me how wonderful my Mum was when they really don't know what it was like to be her daughter.

[ILoveDaveLamb]

If you google ´Direct Cremation‘, I believe that is what they call send offs like this. DMIL flirted with the idea after sticker shock at DFIL‘s funeral. I think she has come back round now. X

[storm]

I've chosen to have a direct cremation, no funeral takes place & ashes are returned to family. I've put it in writing & made my wishes clear.
Friends & family can gather when they scatter me in the sea . No funeral tea but ice-cream's while they gather & remember me.
No fuss, no press announcements etc.

[caj]

Originally Posted by shirley

When I mentioned to my family that I would really think about donating my body to science etc, they were horrified! Not sure why, because once your gone you are gone! Would definitely want a wee do afterwards for everyone.

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My great grannie wanted her body donated to science. My mum (so she was her grannie) still finds that hard. As hard as a funeral is, it is a mark in time, a rite of passage.

[ChrisS]

Hoy me aback the fire, spread my ashes in Snaisgill, where we had wonderful days out with ma and pa, and done - that is my request - some may believe funerals are for the living, for me cremation is for the shell we leave behind, we're long gone.

Had a humanist send off for da in July, sister and I remained at mothers welcoming limited family back for a bite of food. Unfortunately my nephews precious, entitled girlfriend made the day all about her, plus two days later announced to my stunned mother she wanted the works, the tears, the music, the flowers, the horse carriage, so far they've kept her away, I'm biding my time - unfortunate how some relish others misfortune and sadness.

[Pumpkin Pie]

I attended a funeral of a neighbour a few years ago. It was held in a local hotel and the husband managed everything. He set up a screen where photos were projected and he took us through the story of his wife’s life. It was quite moving and really well done - a celebration of her life. Religion was not involved and it was the most meaningful funeral I have ever been to.

Afterwards she was buried in a nearby woodland cemetery.