And When Did You Last See Your Father? - Tiny Fencer Update

[Guest]

SO...they arrived - a week early. R.C. and Poot went to collect them from the station and brought them back to our village, where we all had lunch.


Now our village pub has plentiful parking - though not much else to recommend it - but R.C. had it in his mind to show SGP “where we live” (despite the fact that we haven’t eaten a meal at that pub in five years!).


But it was a beautiful day and despite the rubbery chicken (my lunch) and meagre portions of salad (R.C.’s/SGP’s lunches) - we had a very enjoyable visit. SGP is a complicated but fascinating person - she thinks that many of France’s problems are down to the fact that the nation is a monarchy trying (but failing) to operate as a republic. This was a new theory to me - and I would have been quite happy to sit and talk about it all day. Less so the young lads, I fear. So we paid the bill and got ready to go.


Before R.C. took SGP back to the train station she pulled me to one side and asked me to promise her that we wouldn’t let TF watch television - or take him to McDonald’s - during his stay with us.

I won’t lie - I found that last request a little bit hurtful (as if I would?), but I laughed and made the promise.

?


And so began our fortnight with TF. It went - for the most part - OK. It was obvious to me from the beginning that he came from a family where he was expected to do no work. For when I asked the lads to complete simple chores around the house - he would scamper off and we’d find him later - tucked away in our guest room, reading Percy Jackson in French.

We also never had one “thank you” (or even a merci) in two weeks. But that may be because he was dropped into a strange family in a foreign country - and it didn’t occur to him that he SHOULD thank the agents of his distress. Who knows?

To his credit, when we stopped at the Airmen's Cross later in the visit -

- he crossed himself and prayed for their souls. SO I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt.



Also - WOW could that boy eat! I have never seen a human being consume so much food.


And he and Poot had little in common, but they both tried. They were outside most days - TF tried to teach Poot to fence with sticks - and played lots of board games once it was dark. Battleship was a big hit - very little actual conversation required - until my neighbour’s new puppy made off with TF’s porte-avions…

One day my neighbour (yes, him again - we’re so lucky) helped the lads build a tree platform - and we hung up a bunch of ropes nearby to make a little “course” in our spinney. Both boys fell (one in a patch of nettles, one in R.C.’s compost pile) - but no bones were broken - so I counted that project a success.


R.C. (mostly) kept his word and did (mostly) take a few days off work.

He took the boys to (Roman) St. Albans. Poot says:

First we saw the hypocaust - we got there five minutes before it closed. We did see the ancient Roman plumbing and the mosaic was quite beautiful.

After we saw the baths, we asked TF if he wanted to see the Roman wall. He said “yes”. We at first saw a section that was only about 12 feet long - but then we went and saw a section that was probably more like half a mile long.

TF, however, was only interested in climbing down into the fossa (that’s “ditch” in Latin) - and trying to break pieces off the wall. He did not succeed, because Roman concrete hardens more and more by the day.

After we saw the wall, we saw some flat arches and the amphitheatre.

This is on private land - and you are meant to pay - but because we got there at dinner break, we got in free. TF just wanted to beat thistles with sticks - but I liked seeing the theatre. I found lots of old oyster shells there. Maybe they were leftovers from snacks people ate at the theatre in Roman times.

There weren’t many seating area parts left - but the theatre held 15,000 people in its prime. There were some actors there rehearsing a play by Aristophanes called “The Birds”.

Then we came home and ate some Cobb Salad that Mother made while she was home by herself.

Cobb Salad is Dad’s favourite but it’s NOT MINE!


Then we played “Focusing”, which TF LOVED.

Mother won - and Dad, TF and I all came second. TF said his mother lets him win at games but I told him not to expect that at our house, haha.


Back to me, sorry.


We also had one “big” outing while TF was here - we went down to the Jurassic Coast for a couple of nights. And before I begin writing about it, can I just say to those of you Dibbers who are fortunate enough to live in that part of England - YOU LUCKY BEGGARS!


Kind Sparksy72 said she thought I should do a tiny trippie for our outing - I hope that she (and perhaps that one or two others ) enjoy it. Poot was desperate to contribute...so here we go!


Per usual, Poot’s words will be in blue - and mine in black.


The day we drove down to the Jurassic Coast we left our house at 9:30 - we had a timed ticket to tour Stonehenge at 12:30. As we approached the exit for the M25 - Dad’s car’s “Drive Train” began to stop working. The car started bouncing up and down a lot - which is what Dad calls “kangaroo mode”. Then it just STOPPED MOVING. The car broke down. Dad kept trying to start the car while Mother went for help. Dad told her NOT to go for help, but she did anyway.

TF and I were in the car - which was starting to fill up with a little bit of smoke. It REALLY stank. Then Mother came back - with FOUR MECHANICS! They pushed the car through the intersection and into the mechanic shop. It was lucky that we broke down so close to a mechanic.

Then we had to wait like TWO HOURS for the car to be diagnosed (haha). A man who works with Dad drove him back to our house and we brought Mother’s car back to Dad’s office. We switched our luggage over to Mother’s car and FINALLY drove off. By now we had missed our ticket to Stonehenge.

Two hours later, we arrived at Stonehenge. Luckily, they still let us in - even though we had missed our slot. Dad stayed in the car and had a nap; Mother took us around Stonehenge.

We toured the little Bronze Age village - and then took the little bus that was called “To The Stones”.

It was about a five minute ride - and the bus was VERY HOT AND STUFFY.

TF and I both had the audio-tours - his was in French, but mine was in English. The audioguide did have one funny message - it said, “After you finish the tour, go and look in the Stonehenge museum. Beware - there are body parts.” HAHA.

I’d been to Stonehenge before - but I was only five and don’t remember it.

I liked seeing it again - even though it was REALLY crowded. I thought Stonehenge was excellent. It was interesting how the top of the middle stone has been sculpted to look like a mountain.

Mother tried to take a picture of the two of us:

April here: You can see my photography skills have not improved while we've been parted. Poot looks like Herman Munster - and I, well...


Instead of taking the bus back to the car, we walked along the path next to the long barrows. This took about 30 minutes - and Mother had to keep telling TF not to pull up all the flowers. She was getting pretty cross, but I don’t think TF could tell.

Then we bought a postcard (carte postale to TF) in the shop and went out to wake up Dad. He had been at work until 2:00 AM the night before so he was still sleeping.

Then we drove to Dorset.


Because we had to book at the last minute (thanks to the dates “mix-up” ), I didn’t have any luck finding a bargain hotel that R.C. would agree to - so in the end we decided on a place called Fairwater Head, in Hawkchurch.

This hotel turned out to be a wonderful find. R.C. in particular just LOVED IT. Here’s their website if anybody’s interested:

fairwaterheadhotel/


There were a couple of friendly dogs in residence - I *think* the second one was called “Mocha”.

We had dinner in the hotel restaurant both nights - it was good, honest country cooking. Yum.

Poot says:

I had something called “ballotine of chicken”. It was excellent. TF had fish. Dad had duck - and Mother had the same as me. For dessert I had sticky toffee pudding. I could have drunk a PITCHER of the caramel sauce. It was delicious.

He’s right. It was.


The next morning we drove ten minutes to Charmouth. I had booked us four places on a “fossil-hunting tour” organised by the Charmouth Heritage Coast Centre.

This was a great idea. A paleontologist called Phil…

...gave a 30 minute talk about the coast and what we could expect to find down on the beach. Absolutely fascinating - and I say that having ZERO interest in paleontology.

We bought the kids a little fossil booklet each (Ł1, DEFINITELY buy this) -

and followed Phil down to the beach.

Straight away Poot and I started finding some of the specimens Phil had shown us up at the centre.

I asked R.C. to stick with TF and help translate for him if necessary. The lads each had a little rock hammer (and goggles - safety first, kids) and, well - TF just wanted to smash things. R.C. tried to get him interested in using the hammer to search for fossils, but no.

I was keeping an eye on R.C. and TF - and eventually I encouraged Poot to try and show TF the creatures we discovered in the rockpools. It was mostly limpets, dog whelks - and a few sardines. Poot found a sea cucumber (?) -

- and eventually a lovely (but pinchy) crab -

-which TF tried to smash.


Like an idiot - I shot my hand out to protect the crab. WOW! - does it hurt when somebody hits your hand with a hammer!


Poot: Mother, I don’t want to be friends with TF - he just wants to go around killing animals.

Me: Hmm…


We all tried our best to get TF interested in the fossil hunting, but it clearly wasn’t his thing. Such a shame - because Poot was in ecstasy. He said he enjoyed it ALMOST as much as looking for shells on Sanibel Island.

In his random smashings, TF did turn up a rock that turned out to be full of beautiful calcite crystals. He was excited to show it to his brother back in Paris.



And here are some of Poot’s finds…


Ammonites:

Belemnites:

And his best find of all...

I was mostly riding herd on the chaps, but I did manage to find…

Ammonites:

A Belemnite:

A perfectly spherical rock...

...and a rock that looks like Groot!

It does, right?

The only things that R.C. collected to bring back home with us were two giant bruises on his backside - from where he fell on the rocks. After the second fall (!), he seemed more inclined to listen to my suggestion that perhaps rheumatoid arthritis and picking one’s way across slippery rocks were not the ideal combination.


For any of you that happen to live in Lyme Regis - I’m sorry to have added to your traffic problem - what a nightmare it must be trying to get around in the summer!

But R.C. thought we might have better luck with lunch in Lyme rather than Charmouth - so we parked up and wandered down a lovely little path towards the town centre.

At the end of the path is the Town Mill - and just across the mill’s courtyard is the Courtyard Cafe -

- and I made the executive decision that lunch would be there. What a find!

Everything was fresh and delicious - and made with lots of lovely local veg. Yum!

Here’s their website if you’re interested:

courtyardcafelyme


After lunch we toured the mill. And you know that I am very, very nerdy - so keep that in mind when I tell you that this was EXTREMELY interesting - and free (but leave a donation - you know it’s the right thing to do!).

We met the miller and she showed us how the water wheel powers the mill.

They still mill rye, spelt and wheat flour on site.

We bought a bag of rye flour, headed back to Hawkchurch - and the next day we drove back to London - that was all the time R.C. could spare away from work.


OK...remember SGP and her “no McDonald’s” rule?

Well...on the way back from Dorset we stopped at Leigh Delamere services - because TF ate ALL THE SNACKS I had packed for the entire journey - on the drive between London and Stonehenge (!). And at LD Services is a...

And TF stopped right in front of it. He looked at me with puppy-dog eyes and said, “For lunch?”

Me: Now I know your mother doesn’t allow Burger King.

TF: No, no - it’s McDo’s she doesn’t allow.

Me: If I didn’t ALREADY know your father was a lawyer, I’d sure know now.


It was a good try. But we bought M&S sandwiches instead. Mmm...coronation chicken.

As for other “days out”, R.C.took the lads up to the “10 Pieces” Prom at the Royal Albert Hall on 23 July. We only had two tickets, but luckily R.C. was able to buy a SRO ticket on the day.

It’s a shame, as R.C. and Poot look forward ALL YEAR to going to the kids’ Prom - and instead R.C. spent it alone up in the gods - while Poot had to babysit the smasher.


We ALL got to go on an outing to hospital - where the boys sat in the lobby while R.C. and I went in to hear the results of my final test. The mass is benign! Hooray! And it probably doesn’t have to come out - what a relief.

But after all the tests - they don’t even think the tumour is what’s causing my neurological symptoms. The neurologist thinks that I have “severe, late-in-life-onset migraine, with atypical aura”.

Migraines can make you lose the feeling in your face? And in your feet?

That was news to me. And news to R.C., who thinks I need a second opinion.

Can any of you help me? Do any of you lovely readers who get migraines have these secondary symptoms?

Because when I think of migraines, I think of sensitivity to light - and nausea.


ANYWAY…


On TF’s last night with us my neighbour (yep, him again - the loveliest man on God’s earth - and SINGLE, ladies!) and his son wheeled their BBQ over and cooked hamburgers and sausages. TF lost his first burger to my neighbour’s hungry puppy - but other than that a good time was had by all.

We had a bonfire - and then finished up the visit with a few fireworks -

I think this was the best thing we did the whole time TF was here. Both boys really enjoyed the food, bonfire and fireworks. TF lives in a flat in Paris - so I am guessing all that was “new”.


Despite the challenges - I felt good we had extended a little hospitality to TF. We tried our best. However - we were NEVER able to get him to speak any English at all. I tried to use a sort of Franglais - and R.C. tried the “sink or swim” technique - but neither worked. I’m pretty sure he would have been better off with a family who spoke no French.


And that was that. At the end of the visit I told his mother that TF is welcome to call us (from school) anytime if he needs anything. But I hope the French master is willing to be there for him, too - at least in his first few weeks. He’s not my kid - I’ll have to leave it there.

Many thanks for all your support and advice over the last few months - it has been a great help!

[Melbatb]

I have only just found this!

Big ((hugs)) for the medical woes. No real knowledge of migranes but it all sounds so stressful.

You are a better woman than me regarding TF. In all regards! He sounds a bit of a horror. Well done on getting through it all.

Hope you get to the bottom of the headaches.

[Woohoobb]

Oh no! How horrid a time you have had (with your health NOT TF! ) but I'm glad things are on the mend.
In regards to the issue of walking with no feeling, you actually walk through your nerve endings so if they aren't able to communicate with the old noodle you end up on your face! It's really quite fascinating! If you give yourself a dead foot (lord knows why on purpose!) you will more than likely turn your ankle trying to stand on it! Useless knowledge for you! 😜

I've loved this update, I'm happy to see it went well and TF was safely returned to France. Although I do question his obsession with smashing things and damaging ancient structures! I'd imagine the chances of his requiring some interventions will be quite high! Having a close encounter with French royalty (don't ask!) has led me to believe they must put something in the Champagne that makes them all certifiable! Here's hoping the years of English boarding school do him wonders. They will definitely feed him McDs 😂😂

Anyway I have waffled on enough and should get some shut eye after being rudely woken by the tiny human 👶🏻 for the first time in months 😱! Such a shame it's the night before work, she has terrible timing and now taken up the lions share of the bed 🙄
Take care and look after yourself!

[Woohoobb]

Ps. Did they rule out diabetes? It can cause peripheral neuropathy... and some brutal headaches. Just a thought as they jumped all over brain scans (extreme) at the off!

[unixgirl]

OMG April - the health scare must have been so worrying for you. I can't believe you still took TF in and earlier than expected to boot. I don't know much about migraines except that anyone who I've worked with who has them has to take a lot of time off work to lie down in a darkened room. I think I agree with R.C. that you need a second opinion though, just to be on the safe side. I'm glad you have recovered the feeling in your feet and face.
Another excellent mini-trip report, I dove straight in and read it before going to work.
TF sounds like a pain, however, that may be due to being sent off by his family to stay with strangers in a strange land. This is before being sent to boarding school in that same strange land.
Loved Poot's report and such a shame he didn't get to enjoy the prom with his father instead of TF. How did you find such great places again - I am amazed at how you find great cafes and hotels everywhere you go. Your neighbour's puppy is so cute, I think it would have got my burger too. You organised so much in such a short space of time, much better than I managed last week with my nephews visiting.

[caj]

Such a funny read ... thank you for writing what must have been traumatic in such a wry way!

[duchy]

How on earth is TF going to survive boarding school ?
I so enjoyed your update April , thanks for sharing the highs and the lows of the last weeks and yes definitely get a second opinion and soon ! Xx

[OB1LukeLucas]

Oh April you have really been through it. I don't think I would be making Cobb salad for R.C if it's his favourite...in fact he wouldn't be getting the lickings of a dog in my house! I know us Brits are supposed to be all stiff upper lip but you most certainly could have done without all of this-but my slight soft spot for R.C (as I don't think he actually means it&#128556 was at least he did take a bit of time off work. I love that you have filled us in on the whole TF saga and I'm delighted Poot found all those fabulous fossils, it was lovely to read his thoughts too. I'm going to have to dash as I've been distracted by your update and I need to take the girls to get their haircut... we are going to be late!

[HEMANCLOFTY]

Bloomin Hell April - what a couple of months you have had.

You are a much better and stronger person than most of us, coping with all that and still entertaining TF.

Glad to hear that things aren't as bad as they could have been health-wise, but still scary and I hope that the migraines are controllable.

Take care
Ems X

PS! That Puppy photo at the end is fabulous 😀

[Helen1512]

Hi April
I've enjoyed reading your trip report form your recent trip to Orlando but never commented. Sorry
Just wanted to pass on my experience of migraine to you. My 18 year old son suffers from migraines. Luckily they are not very often. He knows when a migraine is coming on because the first symptoms he gets are half of his tongue goes numb which then spreads to half his face. His right arm then goes numb ( all the numbness symptoms are on the right side) and then the headache follows. It's very scary for him but after reassurances from his lovely GP he's learned to recognise the symptoms. As soon as he starts to feel the numbness he takes painkillers and lies very still in a dark room, this often works and if he catches it soon enough he can seem to escape the worst headache pain. I hope you get sorted, they are very scary symptoms. Hope that helps.