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Old 12 Nov 20, 08:48 PM  
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amy56
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Lost my mum last night - the grieving process?

Hi all,

So sadly last night my dear mum lost her battle with the horrific disease that is Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis 😢

I have literally spent the last 20hours veering between calmness and hysterical crying/panic. I canít begin to comprehend living in this world without her.

I actually feel like Iím losing my mind - I seem to get shocked on an hourly basis as if it hits me afresh every time - and I keep thinking how I need to phone my mum to tell her this awful news & I just canít comprehend that itís her thatís gone!

Anyone else find this was their experience of extreme grief? I have lost people before (my grandparents who I was incredibly close to and also my dad nineteen years ago), but Iíve always had my mum to support me through these things, and that is who I need to help me through this now & sheís no longer here 😢

Sorry to post such a sad and depressing post, I just feel like Iím losing the plot! 😢
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Old 12 Nov 20, 08:51 PM  
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maidmarian
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I'm so sorry that you have lost your mum. Look after yourself Xx

Edited at 08:52 PM.
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Old 12 Nov 20, 08:51 PM  
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Col&Ali
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Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear this. No advice unfortunately but please believe me when I say I am truly sorry for your loss 🌹
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Old 12 Nov 20, 08:54 PM  
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sam_b
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My condolences to you. This is so raw, you will be going through all sorts. My advice is to just go with it, you canít control your grief. Everyoneís path is different but you will have good and bad days ahead.
I lost my mum just over 5 years ago. Be kind to yourself, donít rush this process, it takes as long as it takes, but it will get easier... do you have anyone else to talk to?
Take care.
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Old 12 Nov 20, 08:54 PM  
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Blue nose
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I'm so sorry for your loss and can completely understand your reaction and it's normal. I had similar thoughts and feelings last year when I lost my dad suddenly.

No words of wisdom but sending hugs. Please take time to be kind to yourself xx
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Old 12 Nov 20, 08:57 PM  
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amy56
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Originally Posted by sam_b View Post
My condolences to you. This is so raw, you will be going through all sorts. My advice is to just go with it, you canít control your grief. Everyoneís path is different but you will have good and bad days ahead.
I lost my mum just over 5 years ago. Be kind to yourself, donít rush this process, it takes as long as it takes, but it will get easier... do you have anyone else to talk to?
Take care.
Thank you so much for posting xx

I realise how fortunate I am, I have a wonderfully supportive husband, two wonderful sons and friends. I just am so used to mum being the person I ring about everything, I canít seem to accept I canít just pick up the phone and do that now xx
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Old 12 Nov 20, 08:58 PM  
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StarlingFlight
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I read an Internet comment when I was going through grief once and it really helped me so I'm going to paste if here. Its long but I hope you find some comfort in it, like I did

"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
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Old 12 Nov 20, 08:59 PM  
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duchy
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Sadly swinging through the whole range of emotions whilst still in shock (and after) is really normal. You arenít losing your mind ,itís just processing the unthinkable at the moment .
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Old 12 Nov 20, 09:00 PM  
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Saratoska
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So so sorry to read your post , so hard

I lost my mum a year ago and this week I burst into tears as wanted to phone her , I think you can have people around you and still feel lonely without them so donít be hard on yourself the way you feel
Sending you the biggest hugg
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Old 12 Nov 20, 09:02 PM  
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Gingerlife
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I'm so sorry to read this terrible news. Your emotions will be all over the place and you just need to allow yourself to grieve.
It may seem strange but you can still talk to your mum, I appreciate it's not the same as talking in person but you can share how you are feeling with her.
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