Where do I move forward from here, and what options do I have?

[littlelish0544]

I know its difficult to form an opinion from only hearing one side of the story, but it seems to me that your wife is very busy enjoying having her life paid for, a full time babysitter and a comfortable place to sleep with the only effort on her part in this situation is throwing in a bit of emotional blackmail. You cannot continue in this situation for your own health and well being, and most certainly for your child. What ever the reasons that got you to this point, those are the bare facts. So, something needs to change. Have you seen a solicitor yet? If not you need to take some legal advice and then start to move on. Find yourself a new home where you can accomodate your child too, either visits or full time, and make the change. Yes it will be horrible at times, but it needs to be done. The damage you are doing to yourself and your child at the moment living in this strained and tense situation is just as bad if not as obvious. The worst mistake I made during my divorce was being reasonable. This just allowed him to ride roughshod over me and it dragged out. If i had stated my case and wishes (which wouldve been fair-even though he wrecked our marriage with numurous affairs I am not interestes in revenge or pay back etc) I wouldve been in a much better situation at the end of it and my children wouldnt have been torn up so much by it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I can see now I shouldve been selfish (for want of a better word) and not tried to accomodate him as he clearly had no intention of being amicable at all... which at the moment it sounds like your wife is behaving in the same mindset. I wish you strength and courage to rip the plaster off so you can start to heal properly and all the best luck for the future. One thing is clear as day, you have your sons best interests at heart and you should be very proud of yourself for that. Take care xxx

[happytraveller]

I really hope she can be reasonable for the sake of your Son, who will know what's going on. Personally, I think you have to have 'that' conversation that you will be leaving and spell out what arrangements you will make, come to an agreement and then take it from there. Myself and my ex were different as it was me that wanted him to leave, but I initiated the break-up. I was also financial independent and had look into what my position would be once he was gone, long before I told him to leave. To be clear, we had been in trouble for years, so this wasn't unexpected.

A break up, no matter how much dislike is present now, doesn't always spell the end of a friendship, it can actually save the friendship element. We didn't talk for over a year, when we first split, but now we are friends and there together for the children. It takes time, but the longer this takes, the longer the hurt for all concerned. We as adults choose each other, but the kids are born into it, so I hope it can get to where it needs to quickly for things to start moving. I wish you luck with it. She does not to look into what she's entitled too and how she will manage the home as you both cannot continue like that and neither can your son, which you've made it clear you are aware of, but she needs to face facts with that.

Incidentally, I too like Scotsmomma wonder if she's told her parents or anyone at all. When people are doing what she's doing, usually they are keeping it hidden.

[MK_club1987]

Originally Posted by littlelish0544

I know its difficult to form an opinion from only hearing one side of the story, but it seems to me that your wife is very busy enjoying having her life paid for, a full time babysitter and a comfortable place to sleep with the only effort on her part in this situation is throwing in a bit of emotional blackmail. You cannot continue in this situation for your own health and well being, and most certainly for your child. What ever the reasons that got you to this point, those are the bare facts. So, something needs to change. Have you seen a solicitor yet? If not you need to take some legal advice and then start to move on. Find yourself a new home where you can accomodate your child too, either visits or full time, and make the change. Yes it will be horrible at times, but it needs to be done. The damage you are doing to yourself and your child at the moment living in this strained and tense situation is just as bad if not as obvious. The worst mistake I made during my divorce was being reasonable. This just allowed him to ride roughshod over me and it dragged out. If i had stated my case and wishes (which wouldve been fair-even though he wrecked our marriage with numurous affairs I am not interestes in revenge or pay back etc) I wouldve been in a much better situation at the end of it and my children wouldnt have been torn up so much by it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I can see now I shouldve been selfish (for want of a better word) and not tried to accomodate him as he clearly had no intention of being amicable at all... which at the moment it sounds like your wife is behaving in the same mindset. I wish you strength and courage to rip the plaster off so you can start to heal properly and all the best luck for the future. One thing is clear as day, you have your sons best interests at heart and you should be very proud of yourself for that. Take care xxx

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Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it, and thank you for the advice.

[MK_club1987]

Originally Posted by happytraveller

I really hope she can be reasonable for the sake of your Son, who will know what's going on. Personally, I think you have to have 'that' conversation that you will be leaving and spell out what arrangements you will make, come to an agreement and then take it from there. Myself and my ex were different as it was me that wanted him to leave, but I initiated the break-up. I was also financial independent and had look into what my position would be once he was gone, long before I told him to leave. To be clear, we had been in trouble for years, so this wasn't unexpected.

A break up, no matter how much dislike is present now, doesn't always spell the end of a friendship, it can actually save the friendship element. We didn't talk for over a year, when we first split, but now we are friends and there together for the children. It takes time, but the longer this takes, the longer the hurt for all concerned. We as adults choose each other, but the kids are born into it, so I hope it can get to where it needs to quickly for things to start moving. I wish you luck with it. She does not to look into what she's entitled too and how she will manage the home as you both cannot continue like that and neither can your son, which you've made it clear you are aware of, but she needs to face facts with that.

Incidentally, I too like Scotsmomma wonder if she's told her parents or anyone at all. When people are doing what she's doing, usually they are keeping it hidden.

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I know she's told some friends and at least her brother and his wife as I've had some nasty comments from them on social media.

[happytraveller]

Originally Posted by MK_club1987

I know she's told some friends and at least her brother and his wife as I've had some nasty comments from them on social media.

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Please just keep doing what you're doing and try to ignore it. You are doing the best you can. There is no way I could have been coming and going as I pleased leaving the kids with my ex when we were going through this and I'm pretty sure many others wouldn't have either.

[skalexander]

I think you need to leave, for your benefit and your son’s benefit, as he’s living in an atmosphere. But I think you need to say you’ll pay outgoings for a transition period so your wife can apply for benefits or find work.

She’s not going to take it that well at this point, because she’s having her cake and eating it, but you both need to begin the process of moving on.

Remember that just because things aren’t amiable now doesn’t mean they can’t be in the future, for the benefit of your son. Emotions will almost always run very high when a relationship ends, but if both of you want it, things can improve over time.

Good luck.

[megaflyer]

You need to move out - she has had plenty of notice but no harm in telling her (via email or text sp you have it in writing) that you a re flat hunting and as soon as you find something suitable you will be gone asap so she needs to investigate her options financially and leave that ball in her court and focus on you it may take a month or 2 to find a place and wait for current tenants to move out etc so she will have time with no more lame excuses.

[snowbelle]

I have seen some of your posts before and as you say she knows you won’t ask her to leave . She won’t do anything as she’s getting everything paid for and treating you very poorly .
It’s time for you to move out and it seems like you know this , it’s just taking the tiny steps to start the ball rolling .
As you say her parents have money but she is happy for you to spend all yours and behave like someone who is single .
Start now and by Christmas you should have a new place and a proper bed to sleep in and your son will not have to see the negative energy he is currently experiencing.
Your mental health is worth far more than what you are going through at the moment .
Good luck and don’t for one minute think you are being selfish , you are doing what’s best for your son and that shines out from your posts . X
* block those spouting stuff on SM you don’t need that toxicity in your life .

[megaflyer]

Originally Posted by snowbelle

* block those spouting stuff on SM you don’t need that toxicity in your life .

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Best ever advice - dump toxic SM friends (or indeed friends in real life if they are toxic) - its so liberating (I have that TShirt and wear it with pride) as they suck all the positivity out of your soul

[MK_club1987]

Originally Posted by snowbelle

I have seen some of your posts before and as you say she knows you won’t ask her to leave . She won’t do anything as she’s getting everything paid for and treating you very poorly .
It’s time for you to move out and it seems like you know this , it’s just taking the tiny steps to start the ball rolling .
As you say her parents have money but she is happy for you to spend all yours and behave like someone who is single .
Start now and by Christmas you should have a new place and a proper bed to sleep in and your son will not have to see the negative energy he is currently experiencing.
Your mental health is worth far more than what you are going through at the moment .
Good luck and don’t for one minute think you are being selfish , you are doing what’s best for your son and that shines out from your posts . X
* block those spouting stuff on SM you don’t need that toxicity in your life .

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Thank you so much for this post.