Feel like i cant do this anymore

[xXxSammi88xXx]

Dont even know why i’m posting this on here. I guess i just need to let it out somewhere. I have a little boy,he’s only 7 and is my complete world along with his older sister. But he has autism and severe anxiety and its taking over our lives. Every day i spend 3 hours each morning trying to get him into school. He hates school and leaving the house and it sets his anxiety off.

This morning i managed to get him in just to play lego for an hour then i picked him up again at 11 as they said. We’ve come home and made cakes,had a nice hour then i asked him to walk the dog with me and all hell broke loose. He’s very violent and has punched my back,pulled my hair,tried to push me down the stairs. He’s kicked me in the stomach which is now really hurting.
This happens on a regular occasion. He’s been to paediatricians who said he wasn’t bad enough which led me to pay a fortune for a private appt to get his diagnosis. The children mental health team wont even see him as they also say he’s not bad enough. What does it take to get any help? For him to actually knock me out. He is getting no education because when he is in school for the odd hour he just plays games as not to stress him out.
His senco at school is currently helping me to get him an EHCP but even then thats not going to stop him beating me up or actually getting him into school. Once he goes into meltdown mode he gets super strength and i cant get away from him.

It feels like i’m living with domestic violence but i’m trapped as he’s my son and obviously i’m not going to leave him.
Every morning as soon as i wake up my stomach is in knots because i know i have to spend the next 3 hours trying to get him to do everything. Home schooling isn’t an option as he wont do the work. During lockdown he refused to do any work at all. If i push him to do anything i get beaten up.

I had to give up the job i love as it just takes up so much time trying to get him to do anything so working just isn’t possible. Its like a never ending nightmare that i cant get out of.
I cant imagine how he feels,feeling out of control and not knowing why. I feel so sorry for him.And also for my daughter as she sees me upset all the time i dont want her memories to be of a stressed out unhappy house. I just want life to be manageable again because at the moment i just feel like i’m drowning

[Floridadreams]

Originally Posted by xXxSammi88xXx

Dont even know why i’m posting this on here. I guess i just need to let it out somewhere. I have a little boy,he’s only 7 and is my complete world along with his older sister. But he has autism and severe anxiety and its taking over our lives. Every day i spend 3 hours each morning trying to get him into school. He hates school and leaving the house and it sets his anxiety off.

This morning i managed to get him in just to play lego for an hour then i picked him up again at 11 as they said. We’ve come home and made cakes,had a nice hour then i asked him to walk the dog with me and all hell broke loose. He’s very violent and has punched my back,pulled my hair,tried to push me down the stairs. He’s kicked me in the stomach which is now really hurting.
This happens on a regular occasion. He’s been to paediatricians who said he wasn’t bad enough which led me to pay a fortune for a private appt to get his diagnosis. The children mental health team wont even see him as they also say he’s not bad enough. What does it take to get any help? For him to actually knock me out. He is getting no education because when he is in school for the odd hour he just plays games as not to stress him out.
His senco at school is currently helping me to get him an EHCP but even then thats not going to stop him beating me up or actually getting him into school. Once he goes into meltdown mode he gets super strength and i cant get away from him.

It feels like i’m living with domestic violence but i’m trapped as he’s my son and obviously i’m not going to leave him.
Every morning as soon as i wake up my stomach is in knots because i know i have to spend the next 3 hours trying to get him to do everything. Home schooling isn’t an option as he wont do the work. During lockdown he refused to do any work at all. If i push him to do anything i get beaten up.

I had to give up the job i love as it just takes up so much time trying to get him to do anything so working just isn’t possible. Its like a never ending nightmare that i cant get out of.
I cant imagine how he feels,feeling out of control and not knowing why. I feel so sorry for him.And also for my daughter as she sees me upset all the time i dont want her memories to be of a stressed out unhappy house. I just want life to be manageable again because at the moment i just feel like i’m drowning

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I’m afraid I have no practical help or suggestions - I am sure others on here will. I just wanted to send you a hug. And to say hang on in there. It must be really hard, but hopefully you’ll get some help soon. Sending hugs and fairy dust xx

[Bridget]

I don't know your situation lovely, but does your boy's father live with you or on the scene? Can he assist you so you are not alone trying to deal with him? It sounds incredibly stressful and upsetting - I really feel for you. Or have you tried facebook groups - I have found them of great assistance in the past. There is bound to be one for parents of autistic children. I am so sorry I can't offer much advice - I do sincerely hope you can get some help/advice as soon as possible x

[xXxSammi88xXx]

Originally Posted by Bridget

I don't know your situation lovely, but does your boy's father live with you or on the scene? Can he assist you so you are not alone trying to deal with him? It sounds incredibly stressful and upsetting - I really feel for you. Or have you tried facebook groups - I have found them of great assistance in the past. There is bound to be one for parents of autistic children. I am so sorry I can't offer much advice - I do sincerely hope you can get some help/advice as soon as possible x

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My hubby works full time and spends his day worrying about if i’m getting hurt. Our son is violent to him as well

[Bridget]

Originally Posted by xXxSammi88xXx

My hubby works full time and spends his day worrying about if i’m getting hurt. Our son is violent to him as well

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so has he actually had a psychiatric assessment?

[Bootrip2]

So sorry to read this. Is the SENCO at school involved. If not they should be. The local authority have a duty of care to provide your son with an education in a suitable setting. If you have no support from them maybe social services can ‘help’ along with the diagnosis and EHCP. X

[jndt]

What is your sons diagnosis? Does he have PDA tendencies?

My son has ASD but wouldn't hurt a fly. He has a friend with PDA who was very violent until his mum adopted PDA strategies and he's really come on (he attends a boarding school, as a day pupil, for boys with autism).

Is a residential school an option? Get an EHCP and then you be able to name a school.

I'm so sorry I can't be much help, you must be living on a knives edge and I'm glad you've reached out.

[xXxSammi88xXx]

Early help are involved. I think theyre one step down from social services. I just keep getting fobbed off being told to go on a parenting course. The private paediatrician we saw specialises in pda,thats why we chose her as i thought thats what it was but she said he didnt have it. Just the autism and anxiety. His senco at school is very helpful. She comes to visit me and makes sure i’m ok. School see a different child to me though as he masks his behaviours there. Its only when he’s home with us back in his safe place that he will show it

[Trouble3]

I have a friend who went thru this. Of her 4 boys, all were diagnosed with autism, but luckily only one had violent outbursts.

If I were you I would start shouting to get help, it seems to be the only way with the NHS and local authority.

I would get a phone appt with your GP and breakdown on the phone with them. Tell them exactly what your life is like on a day to day basis, inc the fear of him lashing out and how strong he's getting. If the GP can get involved, you're more likely to get help faster.

Unfortunately it sounds like your son needs a school that specialises in his condition, that will hopefully make him enjoy school enough to want to go. To get that you obviously need a diagnosis. My friend managed to get the right help and school for her last two sons; they helped so much that her life was so much easier.

Good luck. My heart goes out to you.

[ginwithaslice]

Aw, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
I worked in a residential setting for a few years for children and adults with learning disabilities and what their families go through is heartbreaking.

I'd agree that you need more support, parents groups are a great source of advice and information. Get your GP involved too and see if there is any medical or behavioural support for your son.
Also make sure hes getting enough physical exercise, the outdoors can really help with burning off extra energy and anxiety. My neighbours daughter is difficult around late afternoon and she often takes her out on her bike (she had to take her out of school as well and home schools now with the support of her old primary)

Good luck OP, it's a very hard road.