Worried about my dad

[sam_b]

Hi, I would really appreciate some views and thoughts...
My mum died 5 years ago and we worried how dad would manage after 50 years of marriage, and age 71 He actually has done really well, getting involved with U3A and meeting people, lots of social activities etc.
Neither mum or dad were religious and after mum died, he avoided mums cousin as he felt she would try to convert him to her church (half joking, but half not).
He got friendly with a lady in U3A who was involved in the church and again, he made jokes about being careful that she didn’t try to convert him.
Over the last few years she has managed to get him involved in her church - it’s a modern independent one, not the one closet to his house or hers. It started off with one off events, then became every Sunday, then she got him involved in the men’s breakfast club and before we knew it, he was doing an Alpha course, in the choir and on the committee... now he has just told us he is being baptised next month!
I am disturbed by this because he spent so long actively not wanting to be involved, he never articulates any religious views or feelings and is a pleaser - he goes along with things for an easy life.
I almost feel like this is a cult, it seems to have taken him over completely. My sister is really unhappy because she is gay and the church is very ‘biblical’ in its attitude to sexuality - whilst dad has always been very supportive of her, I think that she feels that signing up to this is almost a betrayal or reversal of his support.
I don’t know what to do - I don’t want to alienate him, and whilst I don’t share his views, I recognise it’s his right to follow any faith if he wants to. I am also concerned by tithing and how much he might be contributing to this church.
I don’t want this to be a debate on religion - I am more concerned by the total reversal of dad’s previous attitude and whether I should be worried in anyway...
Luckily I can’t attend his baptism as I will be on holiday, so I don’t have that dilemma. My sister thinks she will not attend, but acknowledge that it’s a celebration for him and maybe take him for a meal after. I also worry that in the future this will impact things like funeral etc (mum and all my family have had pretty non religious cremations).
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Dad used to joke about people his age ‘cramming for their finals’ and finding religion...it’s really out of character...

[coggie]

I'm not at all religious but can understand why people are. The big question to be asked is ' is he happy' if that's the case and they are not in any way abusing him ( such as taking excess amounts of money off him) then I'd let it be

[sully301]

maybe he has learnt more about it and finds comfort in the church. I would be happy for him that he had found this and new friends and things to do. It's his choice at the end of the day.

[sam_b]

Originally Posted by coggie

I'm not at all religious but can understand why people are. The big question to be asked is ' is he happy' if that's the case and they are not in any way abusing him ( such as taking excess amounts of money off him) then I'd let it be

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I tend to agree - although the anti LGBTQ stuff is pretty hurtful... and we don’t know how much money he is donating as they encourage direct debits as well as one offs...

[sam_b]

Originally Posted by sully301

maybe he has learnt more about it and finds comfort in the church. I would be happy for him that he had found this and new friends and things to do. It's his choice at the end of the day.

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Yes, I agree - but why be re-baptised when he was already in a ‘proper’ church? And why does he not articulate this? When questioned he just suggests that he is roped into things ...

[buryboy]

What's U3A ?

[nadya]

I think its university of the third age,education courses for everyone on a range of subjects.

[nadya]

Sorry if I'm wrong!

[sam_b]

Originally Posted by buryboy

What's U3A ?

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University of the third age - it’s full of social activities for retired people 😀
u3a.uk/

[fizzypop]

Originally Posted by buryboy

What's U3A ?

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University of the 3rd Age. My parents have been members for ages. Mum has French lessons, dad plays table tennis. They both go to talks and days out too. A great way to meet new friends