Retaliation

[joanna23]

On a sporting field you’d be sent off if you threw the first or second punch. I’m with the better not to retaliate crowd.
I also think now that sadly the world has changed. If there was a disagreement and things turned nasty - Person A starts a fight and Person B (the innocent like your DS) retaliates because they’ve always been told to fight back. What if Person B’s punch lands in a way that kills A outright - was it worth it?Scenario 2 - Person A pulls a knife out next - was it worth it?
I tell my children I work with and my own that there is more dignity in getting yourself as quickly and as safely from the situation as you can!

[pompeyboy]

Also good advice to keep an eye on the aggressor, be aware of what's going on around you.

[lizzie145]

Originally Posted by JoJo88

Sooooo, DS is Year 9. There was a Y8 on the basketball court at school, playing with a ball on his own. DS and one of his mates went over to play, attempting to get the ball (not to take it off him, just to join in). The Y8 tried to kick DS in the side but DS blocked the kick and the younger boy then ran away. As DS was walking away, the boy ran up behind him, managed to land a punch on DS’ face and again ran away.

DS was absolutely fine, wasn’t hurt or anything and the other boy is being sanctioned and there will be a ‘restorative meeting’ between the two of them tomorrow. 🙄. It’s a non-issue as far as DS is concerned.

However, DH is disappointed that DS didn’t hit him back, whereas I’m glad he didn’t as I know he’d also have been punished. Not that I necessarily agree with that rule. Had it happened outside of school I’d have no problem with it.

Interesting that so far everyone agrees with DH

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Your son didn't retailate and well done to him. He had no need to defend himself from what you described. If he had punched him this would be wrong and could lead to all sorts of issues.

Many adults retailate and the other person ends up seriously injured or dead and they go to prison.

Defending yourself if someone is coming towards you with the intent to hurt is different. The other boy should be punished as he went looking for trouble the second time

[JoJo88]

Thanks everyone for your comments. Daniel is definitely a lover not a fighter 😉, but he would hold his own where necessary and thankfully seems to be able to work out where it might be necessary!

DH is of the opinion that had he bopped him one back, he wouldn’t have to worry about this particular kid again, however, my point is that Dan’s not worried about him anyway!

[CarolynU]

Well done to your son. You should be really proud of him.
He made exactly the right call and should be given praise and recognition of this at home and at school.

[Stitch & Smudge]

Originally Posted by JoJo88

Sooooo, DS is Year 9. There was a Y8 on the basketball court at school, playing with a ball on his own. DS and one of his mates went over to play, attempting to get the ball (not to take it off him, just to join in). The Y8 tried to kick DS in the side but DS blocked the kick and the younger boy then ran away. As DS was walking away, the boy ran up behind him, managed to land a punch on DS’ face and again ran away.

DS was absolutely fine, wasn’t hurt or anything and the other boy is being sanctioned and there will be a ‘restorative meeting’ between the two of them tomorrow. 🙄. It’s a non-issue as far as DS is concerned.

However, DH is disappointed that DS didn’t hit him back, whereas I’m glad he didn’t as I know he’d also have been punished. Not that I necessarily agree with that rule. Had it happened outside of school I’d have no problem with it.

Interesting that so far everyone agrees with DH

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I think that your son probably did the right thing however had he hit him back and been punished by the school I’d have let him know that he had my backing and I’d probably praise him for sticking up for himself rather than punishing him further. In my experience restorative meetings are a waste of time as whoever did something just gets to say I’m really sorry, I promise to be a good boy in the future and then revert back to being a nasty little bully again.

[JoJo88]

Originally Posted by Stitch & Smudge

I think that your son probably did the right thing however had he hit him back and been punished by the school I’d have let him know that he had my backing and I’d probably praise him for sticking up for himself rather than punishing him further. In my experience restorative meetings are a waste of time as whoever did something just gets to say I’m really sorry, I promise to be a good boy in the future and then revert back to being a nasty little bully again.

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And that’s DH’s point of view, that he would have his backing had he hit him back. And would take it up with the school too if he was punished for it.

The Y8 in question isn’t a bad kid, just has ‘anger issues’ (in DS’ words!)

I was a little annoyed in DH for telling DS he was disappointed that he didn’t hit him back, but by the end of the evening he did eventually tell him he’d done the right thing by walking away. Don’t get me wrong, DS will defend himself if he needs to, and he can be feisty on the football field if he’s in a feisty match, he’s no pushover, but he said he doesn’t want a reputation for hitting younger kids!

[shack69]

self defense is acceptable but not retaliation. If bullying exists and the school are doing nothing then I as the adult would address with the school then the head then governors if nothing was done. But physical retaliation is not acceptable.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by shack69

self defense is acceptable but not retaliation. If bullying exists and the school are doing nothing then I as the adult would address with the school then the head then governors if nothing was done. But physical retaliation is not acceptable.

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I can assure you it is not as easy or clear cut as that .

[JoJo88]

Originally Posted by shack69

self defense is acceptable but not retaliation. If bullying exists and the school are doing nothing then I as the adult would address with the school then the head then governors if nothing was done. But physical retaliation is not acceptable.

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A few years ago, when my other DS was around 10, he was playing football at the local astro pitch. DH was there too, so he witnessed what was going on. Anyway, he’d been getting a bit of stick from a so called mate for a little while and this continued that afternoon, kicking him instead of the ball, sledging etc, and eventually DS took a swing at him, a little bit of fisticuffs followed, no one was hurt, and afterwards this boy never bothered DS again. So I do think that you should learn to stand up for yourself, and sometimes you have to speak the same language as the bully.

I think I’m a bit of a hypocrite because I had no problem with that because I knew he wouldn’t get into trouble for it, as it wasn’t at school! But then if it was happening at school and nothing was being done, I can see it being the last resort...